How soon did you see your grandchild and where?

I think if someone is unfamiliar, as you are to her, post partum isnt the time when you want unfamiliar people around.

You are essentially a stranger to her and she is recovering from surgery. If she says she only wants people she knows visiting, at this point in time, she had reason.

The unfortunate reality is that if you didnt have much of a relationship with the couple before baby, you usually wont have much of a relationship with them when they become a little family.

Notanan2, I am not a stranger to her. I bent over backwards to be kind and welcoming to her. She has met people she doesn't know at all with the baby. I know as I agreed to pay the bill when asked. I know this is sounding confusing , it is confusing.

I only posted because I was surprised at the comments on here to another new grandma and I thought well maybe this bit of the situation was perhaps normal so I asked to check. The general opinion here seems to be that other people would also find it hurtful but finding out on facebook might not seem so bad to their generation as we find it and that the train situation was odd but there is some variation in how people here would react to it, and that people wouldn't be happy about having to wait so long but that we have no right to expect anything and it is up to them and that people on here hope I see the baby soon.

You kind of are though. Im not saying you havent reached out or tried, but you dont have a pre existing relationship with this girl!

Silverlining48, thank you but unfortunately I don't think that will achieve anything positive.

Flyingsolo the baby is precisely the reason you should go. If I were them, I would expect my child's GP to come round.. Break the ice!!!

I recognize that your situation is a little different, as you live in walking distance, but if Hubby and I ever have a baby, I'm going to ask ILs to wait until baby is at least 3 months old before coming to visit.

Before I get flamed, let me explain. We live in Canada. ILs live in the UK. They are lovely people (with the exception of FIL with whom we have a minimal relationship for various reasons; he will not be meeting any future children) and I would never withhold my children from MIL and SFIL. Even so, the germs in the UK are different than the germs here, and let's be honest, airplanes are a glorified cesspool. I have frequently became ill in the past after flying. I'm not suggesting that MIL and SFIL are The Great Unwashed or that British people aren't clean. I've been to Britain in the past and loved it. But I don't want my LO being exposed to germs from another continent until after first shots have been given.

People have different feelings on when they want others to meet a new baby. Not to mention that, really, the time they spend with others and who else has already seen the baby are, quite frankly, not your concern. Saying "well, so-and-so has seen the baby already and I haven't" sounds similar to an adolescent saying, "but so-and-so is allowed to have/wear/eat/do whatever, why can't I?" If your children behaved that way or would have behaved that way when they were young, what would be your response?

It all sounds totally weird, strained and bloody hard work to me, for what it's worth.
Very far from my idea of 'normal'.

Have youasked to see baby? Asked to visit?

I’m all about not visiting without an invitation, but I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked, Once.

I also would have taken the chance to meet baby at the train station.

I’m honestly not sure what you are expecting.

agnurse... perhaps dont set that in stone for now! Almost everyone thinks differently once they have children so wait and see, burn no bridges for now!

Oh PS babies are HARDEST at around 3-4 months: sleep regression time!! If I were you I would have visitors at the easier newborn sleep eat sleep eat stage!

Also, exposure to normal germs is good for babies, particularly if you breast feed! Airplane air is rotten but its not the germs that make you sick its the dryness and the lack of fresh circulated air!

Notanan2, believe me she doesn't think of me as a stranger. I was just checking if this part of the situation could be concerned normal.

I mean considered, not concerned. I must have typed concerned because I was busy thinking how concerned I am.

Yes, summerlove, I did ask, just the once.

Yes, I understand you might have agreed to it but it is still an odd thing to be asked to do.

I'm not expecting anything. Just people's views on here on whether this part of the situation was normal.

I meant what are you expecting from your son and his family. What is your ideal? What’s acceptable. Are there ways to go about getting to that stage?

Have you invited them to yours?

I’m betting that, in their minds, they’ve offered you a chance to meet baby and you declined. It will be a while before they offer again. Odd or not, it was an option, and you rebuffed it.

Agnurse, your situation would be completely different.

And I don't think your comparision about children wanting what other children have is relevant to this. I think I have been very reasonable. I simply asked whether this part of the situation was normal. I don't recall telling you what I want apart from your views on whether this is normal. And I have also said my son's happiness, health and well being is what is most important to me.

Summerlove, I'm not expecting anything from them. My son's happiness, health and well being is what is most important to me, that and his ability to be a fully functioning decent young man. That is all.

Joyfulnana, honestly, they don't want me to visit. No idea why but it has been made clear.

Let the dust settle and ask again

If you ask they might say no
If you dont ask... you wont see baby anyway so nothing to lose by asking in a few weeks time

I am starting to get the impression that if your son has a baby some people (maybe including the son?) think you are being granted a favour when they let you meet the baby rather than it being equal and him also wanting his parents to meet his baby. Is that how it is? I had just imagined it was generally speaking an equal thing .

I’m not sure there is a “normal” anymore with new children. Women and men today have the chance to truly do things as they want, not how “it’s always been done”. Lucky them!

I hope you get to meet your grandchild soon, if that’s what you want

BellsandWhistles, that's interesting. You said "if that's what you want". Can I ask if I have said something that caused you to phrase it that way or if its just that you prefer not to make assumptions?

What is normal - it depends on each couple.
Some couples love to have plenty of visits, others privacy for weeks, there is no standard.

Newer generations tend to protect and prioritize family time to bond with newborn instead of introducing baby to family and having everybody visit to see the child.

Even if the mother is recovering well, it does not mean she is fully healed from birth.
Also, "recovering well" is a polite answer sometimes given to protect the privacy and medical information of mother and baby.

"I’m betting that, in their minds, they’ve offered you a chance to meet baby and you declined. It will be a while before they offer again. Odd or not, it was an option, and you rebuffed it."
I agree.
They did offer you a visit with the baby - despite not being what you had expected.
By saying no to it, it may be a while for another invite to be extended.

Re: Facebook- it is used as a method of communication for multiple parties, one post and all your target audience is informed.
Less personal? Yes. More effective? Yes.
However, when you have a newborn, all your time and priorities are centered around the baby, not to do what is expected of you in a social setting

The rule of thumb is that your relationship with the parents pre baby defines the relationship post baby - number and lenght of visits may be the same or reduced, where to meet, etc.

Be patient. You will get to see your gc

Hithere, I more think they picked that time deliberately so they could say they offered. How can the only possible convenient time be the exact time that would mean I would miss my train with that little notice I am just finishing off getting ready to set off to the station and showing the baby to me at the station could hardly be classed as a visit surely? They already knew for a while I had bought the tickets and was booked on that train.

They also knew it wouldn't be good timing as I get anxious making long journeys like that.

Catching up on this thread, it seems possible, as others have said, that your not meeting them at the train station, implied a lack of interest. Why that time and place was suggested, we don’t know. It could be as you think , to make it very difficult for you, or it may have been a sudden impulse of your sons, for you to meet his child before you went away.

Have you dropped around a little gift yet? If not, perhaps you could pop something in the post, with a little note, saying you hope all is well, and they’ll always be welcome if they’d like to pop around any time.

In the meantime, keep off Facebook

Although you've never been invited to their home do you know their address? Could you perhaps send a text (or even a message via FB) saying you would love to meet the baby and could you arrange a mutually suitable day and time? It sounds like it could go on indefinitely if you don't set something up.

Are you in the U.K.? Just with your mention of 'paying the bill' I wondered if you're abroad somewhere.

I saw both my granddaughters the same day they were born but had to wait 2 years to meet my first grandson as he was born in NZ - his brother was just 6 weeks old when we flew over there.

All families are different and I can remember saying I didn't want visitors when my first baby was born and we went home but that was ten days later back then ?