Woke up uglier than yesterday

It's the badness coming out in you Caro

lemongrove guilty as charged, albeit an expat nowadays. Is it that obvious due to my hideous Gt Dane?
Are you a believer in reincarnation?
SirChenjin oh that's harsh! And me only just in with a meat paste sandwich in my pocket and the beginnings of a hangover

Did hubby get suit caroDane ?

Apply a little glycerin than lashings of face powder. The glycerin is supposed to stop make up from getting into the spot and making things worse.

It is an old trick from the theatre - the show must go on, spots or not.

I worked at the FE College and some of my lectures were at an annexe a few miles away from main campus. I had a desk there but I wasn't there every day.

I went in after several days away and the other ladies who worked there all the time were looking very green round the gills. There was a very bad smell in the staff room.

Said smell increased over the weeks.

End of term we were clearing out as we were to be moved onto main campus next term.

Blokes came and heaved out my old wooden desk. The drawer fell out.

My prawn sandwich, black with green powder on it, aged approx. 8 weeks, plunged to the ground.

What is worse, this was the second time I had left a prawn sandwich in a desk and forgotten........

Do you know Kim Bodnia ( asking for a friend)

Lessismore. Ahh well! At least you are still acquainted with yours! I'm not sure if I've still got one.

How was the funeral CaroDane did you manage to keep a straight face??
Don’t allow the fish paste sarnie to go off in your pocket.
You could take the shears to Gt Dane’s Einstein like hair when he is asleep, what a fine revenge that would be!

CaroDane, I'm an expat too and suspected that it was Scouse humour! You can't beat it! Sad, as where I live there isn't a lot of humour about and I don't 'arf miss it! Keep up the posts, they are hilairious and have made my day. Just wish I could come up with a clever bit of Scouse...I'm out of practice!!???

Scousegirl

Don't despair, you've got it in you girl! Just go for it!

Lessismore

My comment "of at least you've still got yours" (or whatever I said!) was about your previous disclosure which I read as you having "A Trophy". A Trophy for your vagina, no less!
I now feel so inferior, humbled, out of your league..... I shall crawl to the corner....

Lessismore is she the cousin of Clem Iddea?

Yes Gt Dane got his suit and the funeral went off OK though they seem to be getting shorter and shorter these days. Think it depends on whether the priest is a fan of Countdown or not.

Lessismore caused me a problem ( nothing new there) but I think people thought I was crying into my hanky with grief.

On the buffet front 2 out of 10, not quick enough to beat off the opposition to get the cheese and onion quiche but made up for it by drinking as much wine as I could as fast as I could. Plus Gt Dane can't drink because of his pills and night wees, so I drank his as well.

Overall Gt Dane behaved well, one small slip when he passed wind in the middle of Abide With Me but I don't think anyone noticed. Plus it was an SBD (Silent but Deadly) and the smell of mothballs off my black mac neutralised most of it.

Scousegirl you know it's in the Merseyside DNA to laugh in the face of misfortune and greet adversity with a two fingered salute regardless of how old we are and/or physical condition. Long may it continue

Anyone else got a hideous picture at the bottom of their screen with a caption MY LAUNDRY SMELLS MUSTY?

Lessismore Kim Bodnia is one of the most gorgeous men in the world. If I'd met him before Gt Dane.... Well..

Tilly, laughing at the thought of a trophy for the underneath department......sort of like the Oscars/a military event....

Caro, go a deux.....it's all the rage in these parts.

GrandetanteJE65 Blooming heck can't you lot use shorter usernames () don't know where you get glycerine from, is it some kind of anti freeze?

Nobody looked at my nose at the funeral, the congregation were too busy planning their route to the hotel. I'm sure I saw at least one person looking at Google maps inside their mass book.

Someone suggested tea tree oil and I have a little bottle of that I use on Gt Dane's fungal infected toenails so I'm going to use that. Just hope the lip hasn't made contact with his diseased epidermis.

Thanks for all the suggestions. Pity it's not nearer Christmas as I could have been an extra in a nativity play. Hopefully it might be less colourful tomorrow.

How can a post about a funeral be so funny?

Maremia they're all funny as long as it isn't your own

Anyone seen the British version of Death At A Funeral?
The American version is hopeless though.

Both tea tree oil and toothpaste are great for zits.
Poor Great Dane, he does sound in a bad way, and doesn’t even get wine!
To hell with the night wees, give that man a glass

CaroDane and Lessusmore, Get your hands off Kim Bodnia!He's mine! Well..a woman can dream.
Saw him being interviewed on This Morning and he was even more gorgeous, if that's possible! Sigh!

Lemon grove, a glass would save Caro Dane being disturbed when he does his night run!

Very true...... as long as it’s a tiny wee, although a brandy balloon could be useful ( or a pint glass) ?

lemongrove you wouldn't be saying that if you had him shuffling round standing on your eiderdown every 20 minutes.

What happened to Old Girl Power, why is everyone so sympathetic to Fartface?

I'm getting a bad rap on here and all I did was seek some human kindness and sympathy for being struck down by a mystery spot.

Holy Mother, the man is a monster, you have no idea of the suffering I've endured....the smells, the stains, his grotesque toe nails, the constant catapulting of keratin after wielding the nail clippers (I once found a piece in my tub of Astral) and you dare to suggest giving him a glass!!!!

Spare the rod and spoil the child!!
I blame Ma in law Dane for this. She moddly coddled (mollycoddlyed/collymollied whatever) him and look at the result! My very own living breathing Tale from the Crypt.

Case for the prosecution rests, your Honour.
And my spot is still red.