Woke up uglier than yesterday

We are Lessismore we're still on railway time here

Sorry to hear you only got a bronze in the unmentionable Olympics, but at least your bits will match your tan!

Years ago a friend of mine who was on the porky side like me, spent many a happy hour nuking herself on the sun bed before we went on holiday. The first day there she arranged herself on the sun lounger only to reveal two white stripes on her buttocks where her fat had obviously obscured those areas from getting tanned when she was in the sun shower booth. I never had that problem. My fat has always been a matching lardy white, I'm proud to say.

Nice, a kind of collage/montage/homage type a thing.

Oh it's been a gloomy day here. Times Winged Chariot and all that. It's cast a pall over this Bank Holiday.

More funerals, at this rate we need to bulk buy Sympathy cards.

Sorrow upon sorrow as I discovered there was no Cassis left and Great Dane had necked the last bottle of white. That was the last straw, the very last straw.

Maybe SirChenjin is right and this spot is some kind of unusual mutation a bit like the thing that bursts out of John Hurt's chest in Alien. Or maybe it's the stress of being a mere mortal.

Great Dane and I often ponder these deep philosophical questions usually when we're checking the sell by dates on our prescribed medicines.

But what can we do when Life turns its face against us, when every Lotto ticket is a number out, when the batteries are flat in your most treasured household appliance?

I can tell you. We keep going. We keep moving forward one foot or one wheel at a time. Until we conquer our deepest fears, until we overcome our deepest problems.

Someone said it's on the debris of our despair that we build our character. Emerson I think.

Put Savlon on the spot. Take some Vitamin c. How long have you had this spot? Get your blood sugars checked.

As DH says carry quietly on.

loopyloo thank you for the advice. The prep H suggested by our postie has actually worked overnight although it absolutely reeks!

As for the doctor, Gt Dane and I avoid them like the plague. We believe they're OK in an emergency, say getting flattened by the 12A if you're out on your mobility scooter, or if you have a sudden collapse by the bagels in Morrisons, but apart from that we steer clear.

Here you need to have a crystal ball to predict when exactly you're going to be ill next month as that's the earliest you can get an appointment, and even if you get one, it's a waste of time.

If your leg was hanging off you'd still get a lecture from one of the GPs on how you should have gone to the chemist first for advice instead of taking an appointment that someone may really NEED!

They're very keen though to get extra cash for you from the NHS, by stabbing you with needles to prevent flu or pneumonia, and trying to make you have old farts health assessments.

But that's just our opinion. For others they're a life saver and good luck to them

I suggest you hide all tasty morsels in your knicker drawer.

Lessismore you're right!

Fortunately my knics are so vast ( think Thor Heyerdahl could have used a pair to sail the Kon-Tiki on that recent expedition of his) they can cover a multitude of sins. And crisps and fruit and nut bars.

Had a Crossword clue yesterday of your name. I struggled for ages but the answer turned out to be MINIMALIST.
Wondered if that was why you'd chosen it

I have to confess to suffering from anal retention
Caro; I'm sure your priest will be fascinated at your confessional But don't worry; fortunately you more than make up by not suffering vocal retention! Nobody told me that you were running this thread. Time to get out my Bumper Fun Book and plagiarise!

Benny Hill would have had a field day with this material.
Btw; 60 yards eh! But I'd already guessed we weren't talking bust sizes.

Rufus2 you naughty boy! My very own stalker! Hunting me down across the threads desperate for a single lick of my surgical stockings

Expect you've all seen Anne of a Thousand Days, that heartbreaking epic where that little trollop caused centuries of trouble and a healthy market for those trading in firelighters and sword sharpening appliances ( not that we Catholics ever bear a grudge of course) well I now believe my spot may also last as long as the allure of said hussy.

The prep H seemed to work but is very difficult to wash off and every now and then there's an unmistakable whiff reminding one of the nether regions.

But enough... I have to be careful now in case I inflame Rufus2 into an even more frenzied passion and then he might turn up anywhere unexpectedly!

I don't want to have to live my life skulking round Aldi in case I get goosed by the baps, or chased on my mobility scooter past the prawns.

Good job you're down under, my handsome Rufus2 as Great Dane is insanely jealous and I don't know what he'd do if he read this!

He might knock my jigsaw pieces on the floor again, and then maliciously suck up my church spire with the vaccy like he did last February when he thought I got a Valentine.

Alas, it was only from the cats home trying to scrounge another donation.

CaroDane, I'd swap the tea tree oil for Vicks Vaporub on the nasty nails and feet. It works (used daily for a very long time).

Hetty58 thank you for that, I'm going to buy some this morning

A nice cup of lemon tea should do the trick.

Lessismore too late for that alas as I'm still half plastered from prosecco at lunch

CaroDane it's so nice to get a thankyou! I've had a few unexpected nasty replies and I prefer a pleasant surprise!

Hetty58

Ooh yes Hetty I’m always up for a pleasant surprise too?

On the subject of Preparation H, I once read that you can put it on lines and wrinkles, it smoothes the skin!
Anyone brave enough to have a go?

Caro...you are the most amusing poster on GN....keep them coming, we need some light relief.

Anyone familiar with the Argy Bargy thread will already be aware that our beloved lemongrove is well known in that chaotic nightclub ( open 24/7 and existing only in the ether) for always being up for a pleasant surprise indeed!!!

In between her exotic dancing, and endless money making schemes I'm amazed she ever gets time to post sensibly on gransnet and yet her pearls of wisdom regularly appear like manna falling from heaven on other threads.

Mind you I recommended Rufus2 to call in and see her, and he's only appeared once since. He's probably in rehab after she's dragged his kilt and Cork hat off him to make one of her exotic handbags.

Not a good day at the ranch for Great Dane and I. The birthday fairy visited our humble home. This means dutiful family visits and a crap present from all our various offspring since we have quite an assortment of children, step children, grandchildren and step grandchildren between us.

Gt Dane some years ago was surprised to get a PlayStation one birthday, this for a man incapable of using a simple remote control for the TV, but by coincidence amazingly handy for GC getting palmed off on us two weeks later.

In a similar manner for Christmas I received a waffle maker, I who wouldn't know a waffle if I fell over one ( they weren't invented in my day) but again the favourite of a GC who wanted to spend the weekend.

I have also received TOP SHOP Vouchers (incredibly useful for a woman my age, 129) and a calendar with To Grace love Faye written on it.
Again by a weird coincidence my name is not Grace but one of the GC has that name.

I confess to not being good at buying presents, so usually we give cash to the family as they are already expert at extracting the last cent. School uniforms, trips, and clothes all seem to be needed urgently when their parents are a bit short of reddies.
I'm amazed at the cost of shoes etc considering I used to buy a pair of slingbacks from Freeman Hardy and Willis for 19s/11p, and clearly remember buying a skirt for FIVE SHILLINGS from C&A. And I thought that was dear!

Presents that we have recklessly bought our family in the past have mysteriously manifested as if by magic in the windows of Oxfam a few days later, often with the tags still on them as they're too lazy to even take them back and get something else.

Talking about birthdays led to a discussion about anniversaries and dates in general.
My grandson flatteringly tried to work out my age this year in his head and announced I was 26. Great! I wish.
Then we were talking about wedding anniversaries. We thought one of the children had been married 2 years. It was 4. Gt Dane thought we'd been married less than 10 years, I thought 13, it's 16.
I thought yesterday was Friday Gt Dane thought Thursday, it was Wednesday.

We are a pair of old farts. I rest my case.

And lemon I think I'll need a crateful of Prep H for my face, but if a little dab shrinks my spot what will happen if I lather it on all over as Henry Cooper used to say?
Gt Dane could wake up and gaze across the room to find my shrunken head wizened and prune like resting on my pillow!

Rufus2 you naughty boy! My very own stalker! Hunting me down across the threads desperate for a single lick of my surgical stockings smile
Caro; Don't flatter yourself, dear; I repeat; don't flatter yourself! I still think you are a livewire, but I had a severe shock when you described your nasal problem, warts and all! Yuk! Reminds me of a play what Bill S. wrote.! Reverse stalking, being led by your nose
A word of caution; don't turn up at a "Singles" bar with grand kids in tow and a konk like that; your surgical socks are quite safe; I value my well-preserved original teeth too much! [toothy grin]
Further responses are called for, but it's time to cook dinner, so I'll leave them for 'afters'!
Cheers