grandparents rights to meet their grandkids

I think children should have the right to know their grandparents, if they're still with us, or at least know about them as it helps them to understand their place in the world.

As a grandparent then, yes, I'd like my rights enshrined in law, but it's a selfish wish even though it's full of love. The children are the important ones in this.

Sadly, the grandparents don't have any rights presently until the law is changed.

I would put it differently, I think children should have the right to see their grandparents and other close family members. They should have the opportunity to find out for themselves if what they have been told is true or not.

I don't like grandparents feeling they have rights. They are not our children.

One of my opposite numbers wont let dgd2 walk home on her own as she feels she has the right to pick her up from schoo1 dd's take is that her daughter is learning to be responsible by coming home on her own. It's a 3 minute walk and dgd is 11!

I am not sure that grandparents should have rights enshrined in law; it completely changes the footing upon which contact with grandchildren takes place. There will be some GPs who will make unreasonable demands. The law is a very blunt instrument and should stay out of the home unless serious harm needs preventing.

Agree with you Luckygirl. I'd be devastated if for some reason I ever lost contact with my GC but its really not my place to demand any legal rights. I've always argued that being a Grandparent is about forging a relationship with your children's children and supporting their family life. If you have been a half decent parent then there should be every chance that you can be an active GP. There are, of course, painful exceptions but I doubt any law could be sensitive enough to pick its way through such a potentially complex situation. Family law is complicated as it is and I think we all know that the powers that be are, at the moment very quick at saying one thing and meaning very little.

I am another who thinks that grandparents should not have rights. There may well be very good reason why they do not see their grandchildren, and the courts are no place for parents and grandparents to be arguing over family history.

It would help if more grandparents realised that once our children grow up and form their own families, there should always be a decent distance between them and AC.

Their ACs have formed a separate home with someone else who is not their child and will be setting up their own family with patterns of living that are a combination of both partners back grounds etc etc. If they choose to exclude us, after reasonable attempts to bridge the gap, we just have to grin and bear it.

It’s the grandchildren who should have the rights.

I agree with the other posters who have said they don’t think it should be enshrined within law. I don’t think it’s fair on the children to be forced through court proceedings to have to navigate a relationship with their GPS knowing that their parents don’t want them to - that’s a lot of pressure for young children to deal with.

yes I do agree! it is the gkids who should have the right to meet their gp.. my young granddaughters are emotionally upset after their mother doesn't allow them to meet me anymore, because of a property dispute!.. the 3 young girls were extremely close to me since the moment of their birth up until the dispute.. it hurts me enormously but I don't want to do anything that will upset them eg. court etc... im at a loss as what to do ?? any advice will be really appreciated ..(

yes true.. the relationship btw Gkids n GP is a wonderful one, full of joy! surly kids cannot be denied that ...

Yes, I too agree, heartbreaking though it would be to not see any of my grandchildren, I don’t consider it my right, I am not their parent, no matter how much I love them.

I’m also sure, that some children are kept away from their grandparents for very good reasons.

Here's the thing. It's not just about rights. There are a number of things to consider.

1. At what point can GPs seek "rights"? When the child is born? Are you prepared to require a mother to give over her newborn for a few hours every month?

2. If you go to court, that costs money - for you and the parents. That's money that isn't available for after school activities, family activities, etc. Worst case scenario, that's food coming out of your GC's mouth. Is that right?

3. What happens if the parents split up? And what happens as your GC gets older? Are you going to deny them Christmas with family, opportunities for camping, sports activities, birthday parties for friends, even part-time work because you want to insist on "your time"?

Really, what you are saying is that the parents do not have their children's best interests at heart, and that you know better than they do what is best for their children.

There can be 4 sets of grandparents if they dont come in married pairs. How much of the child should be divvied up so they all get their "rights" OP?

And what about aunts and uncles and cousins.. they have a "right" to a piece of the child too?

They are extended family

Some (not all!) extended family members for sure enhance a childs life. But the types who think they should have a "right" to the child are exactly the types who need to be kept at arms length!

Once my child becomes an adult I lose all legal rights over them. Quite rightly.

Why then should I be able to have "rights" over their offspring. It makes no sense to me.

Of course we would wish all children to have as much love and suppport as possible. But sometimes life just isn't like that.

If for some reason a grandparent has fallen out with their own child then that relationship needs to be mended. It is wrong to use a child to force the issue.

Not all grandparents adore their grandchildren. Quite a number of those on crusades to force their children to give access to grandchildren it is part of a continuing power game.

We hear enough stories on GN from desperate AC with parents that constantly interfere in their family, try and control their children and grandchildren. There is such a thread running at present.

Of course there are hard cases, but I am doubtful about the motives of any grandparent taking their child to court to force access to their grandchildren.

It's a very difficult situation.
Even if a child wants to have contact with GPs, that could result in a lot of awkwardness for the child if the parents are against the idea (for bad reason or good).

As children get older, approaching adolescence, they may not want to spend time with grandparents. The more activities and homework they have, the more precious their free time. Would this law mean that they would be forced to spend a fixed amount of time with oldies who bore them stupid?

Yes, I am aware that even teenagers can and do enjoy visiting grandparents, but that would inevitably change with an element of compulsion.

I personally don't think grandparents should have any automatic rights.

You've had your days as parents and whether you agree or disagree with it, it's your GC parents who decided what goes on with them.

It's sad, sometimes it's unfair but that's how it is.

If grandparents have rights, then soon, aunts and uncles will want them, then cousins, it will never stop.

There seem to be a lot of people on here who think that GPs are often a negative part of the GC's life but I have never seen that. I only know GPs who do their best to help and support. My Dil's mum is wonderful to me GCs and so are many of my friends. There doesn't seem to be much acknowledgement of shamene's situation where the AC is stopping the children seeing their GP out of spite without a thought for how the children feel.

agnurse "2. If you go to court, that costs money - for you and the parents. That's money that isn't available for after school activities, family activities, etc. Worst case scenario, that's food coming out of your GC's mouth. Is that right?" I cannot imagine a scenario where a GP would go to court thinking of the cost. If the parent felt so strongly that the GP was bad for the child surely they would be prepared to go to mediation? If that failed then they could defend themselves in court. Not everything is about money.

"3. What happens if the parents split up? And what happens as your GC gets older? Are you going to deny them Christmas with family, opportunities for camping, sports activities, birthday parties for friends, even part-time work because you want to insist on "your time"?" Why would a GP do that? Most GPs love their GC and have their best interest at heart. Surely if the GC wanted to do something the GP would understand? I simply don't recognise any of these awful GPs who are out to hurt their GC and be uncooperative.

It is simply cruel to deny a child who has a good relationship with their GP contact. Why would any loving parent do that?

Giving gp rights to the grandkids creates the "too many cooks in the kitchen" effect

Who has decision and veto power on how the grandchild spends the time? What if the parents say yes and grandma says no? Who wins here?

Wanting to have a relationship with GC bypassing the parents is disrespectful. Parents are not a means to an end.
First solve the issues you have with your adult offspring and your relationship with the gc will follow

My mother shopped and helped out both her mother and her mil . Mil ( housebound)wanted me to spend time with her every Saturday while my mother was doing the shopping.
One afternoon she told me that my father had been widowed and married my mother because he needed a housekeeper. I was about 10 . I never went back. She kept asking for me and my mother couldn't understand why I wouldn't visit. I told my mother who was a wonderful grandmother not long before dm died when we were talking about families.children should choose who they say. They are not stupid.

"3. What happens if the parents split up? And what happens as your GC gets older? Are you going to deny them Christmas with family, opportunities for camping, sports activities, birthday parties for friends, even part-time work because you want to insist on "your time"?" Why would a GP do that? Most GPs love their GC and have their best interest at heart. Surely if the GC wanted to do something the GP would understand?

Nonnie
Once contact is court ordered the parents can face JAIL if it doesnt happen. The recieving party can fail to show up to handover without penalty, but the parents still have to bring the child by order of court

With court ordered contact, there is no discussion/negotiation. The only way to change the order is to go back to court!

not everything is about money

Maybe not for the GPs, but it is for a resident parent with children to support! Its the parents who have to say no to trips and hobbies becausr there are legal fees being forced upon them.

The GPs inflict the cost on BOTH PARTIES