In total panic

Entirely agree with Annsixty - what would you and your family feel if intruders walked in..............?!

Bit harsh Gab your reply. I would advise that you speak to the police, who might well just give her a friendly warning, and yes the police do do this, it happened to my daughter. Either put the safety chain on the door or get a key safe. Turn away from her when she starts to talk and move away.

Annie, this is obviously an issue of anxiety so telling you to just lock the door is probably unhelpful. However, anxiety is a mindset that needs a little more careful thinking to get over the hurdles it puts in your way. If the issue is that you promised your daughter to leave the door open, can you get a key safe and program it with your daughters birthday or a date that was special to her so it would not be locked to her? I am so glad you have a safety chain now. It is a very good first step in reframing your thoughts. x

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Misty - I’m sorry but I find your post unacceptable, unhelpful to anniebach to say the least and unfair to the neighbour. Do you really know what a psychopath is?

Anniebach, don’t know if you have any type of faith at all, or a belief in heaven, but if so, imagine your daughter is watching you from above....what would she say about leaving your door unlocked?! She would be upset you are leaving yourself VERY vulnerable, and not just to the dangerous neighbour!
Find a secret place, perhaps in back garden, to hide a key, then younger daughter can always get in IF she forgets her own key!

Annie, is there some way you could persuade your head that you've left a key somewhere your dead daughter could find it, so you could lock your door? Maybe keep a spare under a picture of her?

A man in my street with a mobility problem has a keypad entry system. It might be worth getting one so that you dont need to lock your door with a key and can give the code to only those who need it. This woman might have mental health difficulties and not be meaning to be unkind or cruel but avoid her of she makes you afraid.

Anniebach, please try and learn to lock your door for your own safety - let your daughter get a key cut if there is a chance she will need to enter or get to you in an emergency - or consider the key safe others have suggested. You do not need to have contact with anyone that intimidates or frightens you and nobody should be trying to upset you or forcing conversations that make you uncomfortable or that bring up painful memories for you.

If you feel this woman is a threat then ask your local police or community officers to call round and discuss steps you can take to protect yourself and your home. I've had problem neighbours (and got some now too) so would advise that you don't wait or allow the situation to get any worse - nip it in the bud as such. You have a right to feel safe in your own home and a right to emotional privacy come to think of it - if this neighbour has 'problems' or mental health issues they should not be your concern.

Also, here's hoping your spinal X-Ray is OK and you have nothing to worry about - I'm guessing that having to go out for the X-Ray is stressful enough for you.

Please stay safe - the stress of this situation will almost certainly affect your agoraphobia, and as someone who also has agoraphobia I hate to think of you suffering further - thinking of you and hoping you can resolve this 'neighbour situation'.

A lovely post Elegran which I can totally understand
I hope you feel more settled today Annie. Hugs. xxxx

The old phrase ‘Good fences make good neighbours’ springs to mind here but exchange the word fences with locks!

I have very good neighbours but one is a little too familiar for my liking in that she will happily wander round the back, in through the conservatory, kitchen and hallway, merrily shouting yoohoo as she comes!

I know she was best friends with a neighbour for 40 years in her previous home so probably thinks it okay but it’s not my way ( I always knock and wait at her front door, indeed, anyone’s door) anyway I’ve taken to closing gates/doors now that seems to have done the trick.

Finding a balance is mostly down to you but feeling safe is paramount for all especially as we get older.

This is the first time I have been on GN today. Hope you are feeling better today Annie and feel the support of your GN friends. ?

It does sound as if you might be over reacting Annie. One visit from this woman is hardly intimidation and others are agreeing with what you are saying but you are not being intimidated. If you called the Police about this they might be annoyed as you actually have no foundation for a complaint only what neighbours have said to you. Police are far, far too busy to be told about a neighbour calling on you once. Also Police could not take you seriously if it was known that you do not lock your door. Please do what is necessary to protect yourself as much as possible but do not unnecessarily involve emergency services over one visit from your neighbour, however unpleasant she was

My uncle has a box at the front door with a code he can give people to get in. I couldn’t possibly leave my door unlocked. I’d be terrified I’d wake up one night with that woman in my bedroom saying she was worried ‘something might have happened to you’.

Don't leave your door unlocked, give your daughter a key.

If the issue is that you promised your daughter to leave the door open, can you get a key safe and program it with your daughters birthday or a date that was special to her so it would not be locked to her?
That's an excellent idea, icanhandthemback

Several of us have suggested the key safe but programming it with a date special to your darling daughter is a very good idea.

Some of you have missed a vital point here - perhaps you are not aware of Annie's history. She made that promise when her daughter was ill and unhappy a couple of years ago. Annie feels that her death still does not release her from that promise. Telling her to get a copy made of the key and so on is NOT helpful, if anything if makes it worse.

To be fair, new posters cannot always be up to speed with everything.

Indeed. It shows how important it is to read previous posts before replying in haste - the whole conversation can be relevant to the situation. Just reading this opening post thoroughly reveals details which give a clue to how disturbing the encounter was, and the reasons for that.

Thank you x

I cannot give a key to my younger daughter she lives a 5 hour drive away.

I have no need to ring the police, I am a police widow and there is someone at HQ whose job it is to support retired officers and officers widows.

The woman was not concerned about me, the ambulance crew had been with me five days before she came to my door.

I have a very strong safety chain fitted and my son in law who isn’t is going to fit an intercom , I will know if anyone is
Approaching my bungalow because my dogs bark .

I have asked the council to fit a key safe they will do so
tomorrow they fully understand why !

I cannot yet lock the door sorry, it has been left unlocked for ten years, I am not ready yet to lock it even though I know it’s sensible.

So much kindness, I am so grateful

Thank you x

Oh you you've got dogs! Let 'em out if she comes again.

I am guessing if you shut your front door no one can get in without a key so you don't need to lock it if you don't feel you can. Your daughter wouldn't mind you know. Would probably tell you so if she were here. This has deeply disturbed you and is very weird insensitive behaviour on the neighbour's part - she sounds a complete nutter. It could be worth reporting to social services as it sounds as if she is in need of help although she is probably already known to the authorities.
You certainly need to keep your distance from her. You don't need anyone bringing back bad memories and upsetting you like this. we are all here for you.

No. You don't actually need a key to lock most front doors. Just push it shut.

weird and a complete nutter.....really?

No - it's quite usual to have to use a key to lock and unlock doors - my front and back doors work that way.