dancing queen

I think it’s a lovely idea for 18 year olds personally. Saying goodbye to school days and friends before going out into the wide world But one-upmanship and OTT expenses are simply stupid. Obviously lots of young people will ask for outrageous things and bemoan “all my friends are getting....” but it’s pare responsibility to reign them in. My eldest daughter had one 14 years ago and she got a beautiful dress in the sales (used again for a Uni ball), did her own hair and makeup, and her friends clubbed together to hire a limo so was only a little more than a taxi would have cost and 10 of them traveled together. A lovely evening and she still mentions it all these years later. My youngest DD will hopefully have hers in a few years and I’m looking forward to it, but without the extreme expense of others.
However similar could be said about choices for weddings with some brides/families going stupidly crazy. A friend was still paying for her DD’s wedding long after the divorce!

I'm an American and I didn't realize you had proms in the UK, which is pretty ignorant of me! But I agree they can be over the top here as well. I didn't go to mine and I wished I had but I am just fine and honestly didn't feel left out. But this was long before social media and the pressure now must be immense. I feel bad for the young people and for their parents.

They have travelled across the Atlantic, I think, Mcrc and also are 'de rigueur' in Australia too but they're called 'Formals' there, everyone striving to arrive in the most unusual transport.

I think they happen quite world-wide nowadays.

I think the Prom fashion started about 15yrs ago. We always used to put on something for the Y11 leavers, I remember disc is, and a boat trip in about '95.

Obviously staff have to dress up - that's an expense - I really lost it when about 8 yrs ago we were told staff were expected to pay. Lol. Five hrs of anyone else's Friday time 7pm to midnight would cost you £100. So l said no. Colleagues went along late, so they missed the meal, but had a drink, but that was stopped the year after. Though I would probably have paid to see a few senior teachers struggling to organise all those pupils when they didn't know any of their names! I would go and see the Y11s off, take photos of those I was sad to see leave, but I just felt the academy was taking the mick.

I gre up in South Africa. I made my own dress for the school leaving party in 1960. I was 19 and the dress was pale green satin with a pale green net overskirt which I attached green sequins to. It was lovely. I bought gold shoes with 6 inch heels in a sale for 5 shillings. I had no boyfriend, so my friend fixed me up with a blind date with one of her friends. I spent hours agonising over how tall he would be, as with my 6 inch heels I would be 5ft 10. Luckily when he arrived he was about 6ft 6. It was a nice party but obviously I did not make much of an impression as I never saw him again.
A week later my family and I had a table sale in our garden. The green dress was included. An African lady tried to buy it for £1..00 as a dress for her niece who was getting married. I wanted £2.00. We could not agree, and she left. I went into lunch and after a few minutes I came outside again and the dress had vanished. I should have taken the £1. I bet the bride looked lovely in my dress.

Petunia, you are not being a spoil sport, you are being absolutely sensible. The question of the rights and wrongs of proms led to the end of a 40+ year friendship for me. My former friend had a cleaner who had run into debt with a payday loan company to pay for her daughter to have the same as everyone else - limo, dress, facial, manicure etc etc. I said I thought the whole business was a disgrace, that schools should not allow it, that it discriminates against children whose parents cannot afford it etc. At this, my ‘friend’ told me I had broken her cleaners heart, that I shouldn’t have expressed my opinion and that, plus other things has resulted in a complete breakdown in our former friendship. I think a school disco, where pupils can wear their own clothes and enjoy the last day of term is great, but this nonsense of prom events is yet another money spinner from the USA. And as the grandmother of two American children who aged 5 and 6 have just ‘graduated ‘ from preschool and first year infant school, I do know what I’m talking about.

I'm with you Petunia, it's a horrible American import along with Halloween, baby showers, etc. It puts pressure on youngsters to get the perfect dress, hair and make-up. So glad I didn't have this when I was young.

Everything is getting Americanised these days. In the 1930s we had an end of term assembly and sang the hymn “Now thank we all our God” surreptishly singing our own words. Collected all our sports gear and left.

The only ritual I remember when I left school was throwing my horrible school hat into the River Clyde.

Lovebeigecardigans

Now, Baby Showers!

That annoys me even more than proms!

My daughter left sixth form in 2003 when the Prom was well established. She was very plump at the time, due to a long standing foot injury. We spent literally months going to every shop in the east of England and then London to find a suitable dress. She spent two hours at the Prom before I got a phone call to fetch her home. Everyone was making fun of her because she didnt have a perfect figure and the dress was loose fitting, whilst every other girl was wearing skin tight. She couldnt wear high heels either because of her foot. She recalls the event as one of the worst of her entire adolescence and still has nightmares. She said it was a memorable life lesson that girls still have to look perfect to cut it in social situations, which of course she has studiously avoided ever since. Really do our young people need this kind of thing at a vunerable stage of their lives?

Its the parents I blame, after all they are the ones spending the money. My son has 4 daughters with about 18 months between each one. I offered to buy the dress for each and every one. I set an amount and anything saved on it they could have. Three of them bought dresses from a charity shop and wore them with pride and made a quite a bit of money as well.

SunnySusie

I can only imagine how horrible that experience must have been for your daughter, and sadly I doubt she’s the only one.

I think it’s only the “Cool Girls “ who really enjoy Prom night

I personally think the whole Prom thing is out if hand. Its very stressful for young people who know their families can't afford it or young people in care.

I also absolutely hate graduations for nursery and primary but thats an all new grouch

When DH was a secondary head, his school PTA organised an affordable prom. They made a buffet in the school hall and prizes were given for the most novel form of transport used to arrive. I remember a motorised lawn mower and an ambulance being among the winners. It was fun and not financially crippling.

Oh dear, the whole thing sounds like a total nightmare. I was a plump very self conscious teenager back in the day, with parents with no money to spare. The very idea that I would have had to parade myself amongst the prettier, slimmer, richer, more confident girls fills me with absolute horror. Thank goodness nobody had ever heard of Proms then. I feel very sorry for today's youngsters if that's what they have to put themselves through. Ghastly American nonsense which should be banned in all right thinking British schools!

My eldest daughter organised their own prom with her friend because the school refused to do it 15 years ago. I think her cocktail style dress cost £25 from H&M, the shoes were more than the dress. She did her own hair and make up, but did have a professional manicure. A few wealthier families spent quite a bit more on their daughter’s dresses, but in those days nobody really cared who’s dress was better than who’s. My husband drove her in his Citroen Picasso along with a few friends, there was no budget for a Porsche, a limo or helicopter. I think it has all gotten out of hand and dress shops apparently have even got lists now so that nobody accidentally turns up in exactly the same frock? as for primary schools and nursery schools holding proms- it’s a bit ridiculous. I watched a woman in Shropshire I think on the news not so long ago, set up a charity offering free prom dresses to young girls who’s families could not stretch to buying a dress. I think parents in this day and age are under a huge amount of financial pressure to please their teenagers at the end of their last term. Many people are correct when they state this is an American import, along with Halloween and Black Friday sales.

A young Prom person I know got her special dress from a charity shop for under £10! She looked beautiful in it

We certainly did have a Prom when I was at school. We had a BBQ on the beach! It was great fun - no fancy clothes to worry about just a towel and a cozzie and a top for warmth later

Truly dreadful for those whose parents are unable to afford all the rigmarole. I for one would have felt the need to invent some excuse as no way would my family have been able to afford dress, shoes, hairdresser, nail salon etc etc

My daughter had a prom at the end of year 11. The same year she was bridesmaid for her uncle and as the only one was able to choose her own dress. We managed to buy a beautiful outfit in Debenhams sale which was worn for both occasions. When it came to 6th form prom she had a new dress as she won a prize for the most talented music student at her school. She had to give a recital in return for the £100 prize. Most of the prize money went on paying for the accompanist, including rehearsals, so my mum payed for the dress which was also worn for her prom - a bargain from a 'Coast' outlet shop. As a single mum I couldn't have afforded a really expensive dress for either occasion.
When I left 6th form back in the 70s we all went out for a meal with a few of our teachers. Instead of a new dress I bought a full length nightdress from M&S which was in a pretty fabric. Imagine my embarrassment when another of my frugal friends turned up in an identical nightdress! I did go on to wear it as a nightdress for many years!

It's all got completely out of hand, same as presents to teachers!

We went through the whole prom nightmare. The expense of the dress, matching shoes, bag not to mention the hair, nails and tge transport put so much pressure on my husband and I it was almost on par of arranging a wedding. That was 9 years ago so I can imagine it's only got worse. Why oh why do we insist on copying all things American.

I'll join you in the miserable gits club!

My dd who is in her 40s didn't have a prom or a leavers disco,or if there was one she didn't go,but to this day has stayed in touch and sees a number of her old school friends,many who live abroad or 100s of miles away.

I didn't have anything like that,we just all left on the last day, glad to see the back of the place!

In 2000 it was my youngest daughters' prom and they merely had nice dresses (long ir short ti chouce) and it was more ir a dusci with nibbles out on my the teachers. Again the merest behaviour demeanout in the weeks before and you were not allowed to go. In 2010 it was the prom year for one of my DGDs. My DD really went over the top what with professional tan, make up, nails etc and a vey exoensive dress. I am sure she was living the whole experiences herself. The prom was held at a hotel and they even booked rooms for the girls to stay in the hotel. This year it is the turn of another DGD and as her DM is a one parent family and just cannot afford it. I offered to pay for it all which has been accepted. It has been a nightmare and less than 3 weeks to go she still hasnt got a dress. The ticket for the prom is £30 per person. I just want her to have a lovely time without any stress as she has had an awful year but I cant do much being abroad and unable to travel at the moment. Oh for the prom of 2000.

Oh, skate, I would have been just the same as you! Thank goodness we didn't have Proms back then.