Heartbroken

I agree - don't let go of a new relationship, if he's a good & reliable man whom you like. And I agree with the GNs who suggest sending your children a letter. Then there can be no doubt that you have told them how you feel. And it leaves the door open for them to see you in the future. Good luck.

IMO, just let it ride. This problem will burn itself out. If your children love you and I’m sure they do, they will accept the situation. It is your life not theirs so why sacrifice happiness for others. You will naturally feel downhearted for a while but give it time and things will get back to normal.

Can I just say, I wouldn't list everything that my ex has done wrong. By doing so, you will sound like you are making excuses or trying to convince them. Just let them find out for themselves, it goes in much deeper when the penny drops and nobody sounds defensive. My ex was an abusive person but I didn't say anything against him to my kids. He has shown his true colours and they have made up their own minds about him. I would have hated to feel that I was dividing their loyalty or asking them to take sides.

Hopefully, I'll be honest, I wish I had a good man in my life. I had too sheltered a life, convent educated, strict upbringing etc etc. Married for all the wrong reasons, then divorced. Had one or two offers since then, but was too much of a 'nun'
Go for it girl. Don't worry about what others say, including your ex and your children. Get some happiness while you can.

through time your ex will show his true colours, at the moment he is trying to get one over on you by getting your girls onside, but he will tire of this eventually. Get on with your life with your new man, but keep the communication channels open, continue trying to contact your grandchildren x

I’m curious how old your children were when you got with your ex?

Do you have a history of jumping quickly and expecting everyone to get on board immediately? (My father does).

Don’t give up new man, but give your kids space while still checking in with them.

You were given this advice here, You're an adult and allowed to see whomever you chose, male or female. Understand that this goes the same for your children. 10 years is a long time to have someone in their lives.

I agree with bradfordlass72. Give it time and he will certainly show his true colours, he will probably slip up sometime. Enjoy your new relationship, you have suffered enough in the past and deserve your own happiness now. I'm sure your children will accept this eventually. Good luck and be happy
XX

Just my personal opinion
After a relationship breaks down it is so easy to cling onto someone who seems to be perfect, but I think it is the worse possible thing to do.
You need time to get over the previous relationship and adjust to life as a single person before you should even consider moving on.
Give yourselve breathing space don't make another mistake.
I have no idea what your relationship was with your children before the new man came along but I can understand their concerns.
Your ex can't keep up the pretence for long people like that slip up in time.
Keep contacting your children and grandchildren, keep it light but do not loose touch. Send the GC letters and cards and fingers crossed everything will settle down.

I agree with nearly everyone here in that I suspect your ex will let his facade slip sooner or later, and his true nature come through. You said that he had shown no prior interest in the DGC and if he really doesn’t care it will be picked up by the children and sensed eventually by their parents.
Your new relationship has been very quick and probably a series of shocks to the AC have followed from the separation, especially if they were led to believe all was well for the last 10 years. I agree that letters sent to each of them setting out what has happened and why you needed to get away might be useful. Hopefully in time they will come round.
One thing I would say is that after a period of sustained abuse and gas lighting its often helpful to get some counselling so that you can process what’s happened and hopefully not repeat it! Our local refuge service does a pattern changing course which helps DV survivors to come to terms with it and to recognise things in themselves which might draw them to a similar abusive relationship

This is the other side of not telling your children what's going on in a relationship - it's what happens when any abuse victim leaves a partner and then has to deal with others' disbelief. I would say, stand well back. You can't blame them for taking his side if you've been saying what a great guy he is all those years - just allow them to find out the truth about him, which they will eventually (he won't be able to pretend forever). Yes, maybe a letter to each of them if you can face doing that. Meanwhile, enjoy your new relationship and get on with healing from your old one.

Hi, my first reaction is don't give up the new man! You brave woman you.
Who you share your life with is no ones business but yours.
Yes, the exes true colours will come out, they always do. You just be there for the kids when it happens and they come knocking.
Children will not be fooled.
Be happy, love and be loved. You deserve it.

Bluebell, my children do not know the new man. I have invited them to meet him and decide for themselves but they are not interested. Thank you to everyone for your comments and advice. I do feel alot happier knowing there is support out there.... I thought I was going mad, my ex makes me feel out of control. And no I will not be giving up the new man though this time I will not be jumping into any living arrangements any time soon... once bitten!

Whilst I agree with most of the advice given you only parted company at the end of the year and met a new man in the new year whilst I think you have every right to a new relationship perhaps your daughters do think it’s all seems very quick and convenient look at it from another angle you spent 10 long years being abused, then within a very very short time of finding the courage to leave you are with another man
I am glad you have found a nice man BUT just be cautious you must have thought your ex was nice once
Could there be more to this, do your daughters know this man? Just a thought
Anyway good luck I hope you regain your family

I agree with writing a letter to your children. Write that you didn't want to involve them with what was going on with you ex as you thought you could handle it. List everything he has done to you. Every physical and mental thing he has put you through. Tell children they can believe him or their mother a you have no control over that. You are a person in their own right who deserves to be happy and if this new man makes you happy then that's good.
Tell them how much you love them and will always be there for them but you will not be around where your ex is.
Hopefully they will see that blood is thicker than water and your ex will not be able to keep up his good guy image.
Get on with your life and your children and grandchildren will soon miss you.

If it’s not in his nature to be nice then he will slip up soon.
Sad that because your new partner is not so well off, that it should matter, it’s the person not the money.
You have a chance to live your life now and be happier.
Your children will have to accept that.

I echo the words of icanhandthemback and bide your time. Through a similar situation myself I tell myself that I know the truth and that's all that matters. Your children will see through him eventually. In the meantime as heartbreaking as it is, just carry on with your life. Hugs. xx

How very odd!

Hang onto your lovely new man - he sounds exactly what you need to rebuild your self esteem after years of abuse .We all deserve to be loved and should hang onto happiness when ever we find it . Your children will soon see your ex through your grandchildren’s eyes . They just need time .

Yes ,I agree. Do not give up the new man. You do deserve to be happy and in time your children may begin to understand. Give it time; sounds as if ex will be unable to keep up happy families in the long term. I am so sad for you, it is awful for you at the moment but dont despair. Your new man is your choice and it is not for your children to decide for you. Try to be strong, nothing stays the same in the longer term.

I also say do not give up on a new relationship.
I think you should write a careful letter for your children giving them your side in as calm and factual way as possible.
In time your ex will slip up and they will see through him.
But do communicate your side. Saying nothing gives the ex too much power in the situation.

I'm so sorry for you Hopefull as your ex sounds awful. In time I hope they realise what he's really like and will see through him.
Stay in contact with them if you can, tell them again and again about his awful behaviour and perhaps they'll come round to the side of common-sense.
You deserve to be happy in your new relationship and it shouldn't be a choice between them.

Surely, in time your children will see through your ex and understand why you left.

Another one who says don't give up the new man.
Even if you do it doesn't mean the family will come round and start seeing you again and you deserve to be happy with him.

Don't you dare give up New man.
You deserve to be cared for and loved
If you give up the bad guys win
You tell yourself everyday you deserve better
I hope you and New partner go strength to strength
Write your children a letter and let them decide what to do next
Their loss if they don't believe you
Take care of you for once

Perhaps try to iron things out with your daughters ...... Though part of me is thinking "what gives them the right to criticise". To withhold the GCs from you is plain mean to both the children and you. Your H sounds like a nasty piece of work and hopefully your daughters will wake up to the truth.

You're an adult and allowed to see whomever you chose, make or female! I feel your sadness .... Stay strong!