Heartbroken

Wow, pretty hard to understand that your children would not see through him.
I would give them some time, and then perhaps try to talk to them individually.

Your children didn’t know their children didn’t want to visit your house because of your ex partner ?

Annie Bach, yes my children new the GC didn't want to be here so I went to their house.

could it be the fact that you haven't given yourself time between the end of your relationship and the start of a new one? Maybe they're concerned about you and /or the GC getting involved with your new partner and then getting hurt if it doesn't work out

Maybe you could put your new man 'on hold' for a bit while you try to restore your relationship with your DCs & DGCs?
If he is really a nice man, he'll understand.
That doesn't mean getting back with your ex, of course. It would just remove an extra complication for a while.

If you can be on good terms with your family again, you could agree with them that they don't have to meet your new man if they don't want to.

I expect the recent changes, and the revelations about your ex, have been a shock to them.

I agree with FarNorth spend some time putting things right with your family and talk honestly about the problems with your ex. A new relationship can wait at this stage.

I would suggest you talk this through with a professional therapist.

Your ex is a Narcissist, there are a lot of them about and they are able to convince people they are the victims.

Time, however, shows them in their true colours and I am hopeful that your childreb will see him in this true light.

You are not in the mess, although clearly it seems that way right now. You have had the strength to get rid of a parasite and start a new life and you should not be persuaded that anything you have done is wrong.
You have been very brave indeed - never lose sight of that fact.

Bide your time, leave your daughters to see for themselves what their "father" is like.

I don't agree that you should try to persuade them of your side right now as he will have primed them with lies, so they are unlikely to believe anything you say.
You could write letters, date them, telling them the truth and how much you love them and the grand children - and just keep them against the day the girls realise what you went through.

I cannot see the grand children tolerating him for long. Children are more perceptive than we realise.

Meanwhile, enjoy your new relationship, you deserve happiness - and let time do the rest.

BradfordLass72, your advice is different to mine but I think you could well be right that the ex will soon show his true colours again, and that the children will not be fooled for long.

I echo BradfordLass's advice. I'm sure she's right. Well done, Hopeful, you've been very strong. I take my hat off to you.

He won't be able to keep up the loving step dad forever. He is doing this to get back at you and for no other reason. Have patience and your children will see through him Sending love and peace x

Your ex will not be able to keep up being nice forever if he is as abusive as you say he is. That will be when your kids have their light bulb moment.
I'd be inclined to put in writing to your children that you are sorry that they cannot see their way to giving you their blessing but you will always be there for them if they ever need you. Tell them how much you love them and their children but you feel that after being unhappy for a very long time, you feel that you can't allow yourself to be manipulated any longer and deserve the happiness that every body else takes for granted.
To be blunt, it sounds like your children have learned some manipulative behaviour from your ex. They don't have to agree with your actions but to exclude you from family life is just mean.

Perhaps try to iron things out with your daughters ...... Though part of me is thinking "what gives them the right to criticise". To withhold the GCs from you is plain mean to both the children and you. Your H sounds like a nasty piece of work and hopefully your daughters will wake up to the truth.

You're an adult and allowed to see whomever you chose, make or female! I feel your sadness .... Stay strong!

Don't you dare give up New man.
You deserve to be cared for and loved
If you give up the bad guys win
You tell yourself everyday you deserve better
I hope you and New partner go strength to strength
Write your children a letter and let them decide what to do next
Their loss if they don't believe you
Take care of you for once

Another one who says don't give up the new man.
Even if you do it doesn't mean the family will come round and start seeing you again and you deserve to be happy with him.

Surely, in time your children will see through your ex and understand why you left.

I'm so sorry for you Hopefull as your ex sounds awful. In time I hope they realise what he's really like and will see through him.
Stay in contact with them if you can, tell them again and again about his awful behaviour and perhaps they'll come round to the side of common-sense.
You deserve to be happy in your new relationship and it shouldn't be a choice between them.

I also say do not give up on a new relationship.
I think you should write a careful letter for your children giving them your side in as calm and factual way as possible.
In time your ex will slip up and they will see through him.
But do communicate your side. Saying nothing gives the ex too much power in the situation.

Yes ,I agree. Do not give up the new man. You do deserve to be happy and in time your children may begin to understand. Give it time; sounds as if ex will be unable to keep up happy families in the long term. I am so sad for you, it is awful for you at the moment but dont despair. Your new man is your choice and it is not for your children to decide for you. Try to be strong, nothing stays the same in the longer term.

Hang onto your lovely new man - he sounds exactly what you need to rebuild your self esteem after years of abuse .We all deserve to be loved and should hang onto happiness when ever we find it . Your children will soon see your ex through your grandchildren’s eyes . They just need time .

How very odd!

I echo the words of icanhandthemback and bide your time. Through a similar situation myself I tell myself that I know the truth and that's all that matters. Your children will see through him eventually. In the meantime as heartbreaking as it is, just carry on with your life. Hugs. xx

If it’s not in his nature to be nice then he will slip up soon.
Sad that because your new partner is not so well off, that it should matter, it’s the person not the money.
You have a chance to live your life now and be happier.
Your children will have to accept that.

I agree with writing a letter to your children. Write that you didn't want to involve them with what was going on with you ex as you thought you could handle it. List everything he has done to you. Every physical and mental thing he has put you through. Tell children they can believe him or their mother a you have no control over that. You are a person in their own right who deserves to be happy and if this new man makes you happy then that's good.
Tell them how much you love them and will always be there for them but you will not be around where your ex is.
Hopefully they will see that blood is thicker than water and your ex will not be able to keep up his good guy image.
Get on with your life and your children and grandchildren will soon miss you.