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Having a bad day.

(140 Posts)
merlotgran Sat 13-Apr-19 12:11:09

I'm not able to focus on anything today, even light hearted threads on gransnet (I'm avoiding any sad ones). Yesterday we were told that chemo is no longer an option for DD's gall bladder cancer and she is now under the palliative care team as her liver is failing. I'm beginning to doubt she will ever come out of hospital even though hospice at home is being discussed. The sight of her lovely clear skin and big brown eyes so jaundiced makes me weep.

I managed to hold it together yesterday (almost) but today I'm a wreck. I can't bear to go in the garden because this time of the year is all about hope and planning. I can't bear the view across the fens - too many memories of the children growing up. I can't be bothered to cook, I can't focus on reading or watching telly.

I don't have to visit today because others are going so at least I'm spared the drive. The pain is almost unbearable but has to be endured Poor DH just doesn't know what to do with himself. We thought we'd try planting main crop potatoes but CBA.

I know I must expect this awful helplessness. Others go through it, we're no different but God, it's hard.

grannyqueenie Sat 13-Apr-19 18:19:21

merlot, I’ve only just caught up with what’s happening, what an awful sadness to be facing. There are no easy words that will take away your pain. All I can do is echo others who offer thoughts and prayers for you and your family. x

1inamillion Sat 13-Apr-19 18:54:55

Merlot I am so very sorry to hear about your daughter, a child is the most precious gift there is. My heart goes out to you and your husband.
I hope that your Gd's place at medical school will give you a focus to help you through this desperately sad time. ?

callgirl1 Sat 13-Apr-19 19:02:11

I`m so very sad for you and your family Merlot.

annodomini Sat 13-Apr-19 19:12:57

It has all been said, merlot. But my thoughts are with you and my love goes with them to you and yours. (((hugs)))

Marydoll Sat 13-Apr-19 19:28:07

Merlot, I have just seen this thread, I cannot find the words to express my sorrow for you and your family, but I can offer my prayers. flowers

Whitewavemark2 Sat 13-Apr-19 19:34:10

merlot we have very rarely spoke over the years on GN, and I have not been part of GN for a number of months.

Everybody has very eloquently expressed everything that I would have said.

My thoughts and sorrow are sent to you and your loved ones.

crystaltipps Sat 13-Apr-19 21:12:28

There are no words? we lost a child in the family ( niece) 6 years ago. It’s a tragedy, one shared by many others. It doesn’t make it easier, but love and thoughts will be with you. ?

Grannynise Sat 13-Apr-19 21:22:32

So sorry for your heartbreaking situation. Treat yourself very kindly.

ElaineI Sat 13-Apr-19 21:38:01

Merlot so sorry to hear this. It must be unbearable but you are so strong. Thinking about you and your family x

Jomarie Sat 13-Apr-19 22:11:15

Sympathy in abundance Merlot - no flowers, no wine, no coffee, no nothing - just peace for you all........

Harris27 Sat 13-Apr-19 22:19:14

Such sad news I'm praying for you all X sending hugs xx

Bathsheba Sat 13-Apr-19 22:22:02

Merlot I am more sorry than I can say, my heart is breaking for you and your family. I have been thinking about you ever since you first posted about your daughter. You have been constantly in my thoughts, along with several others on GN.
If only my thoughts could help, even a little, to ease your pain xx

Bellanonna Sat 13-Apr-19 22:46:37

I’m glad you have posted your feelings on Gransnet Merlot. The situation must be hell for you. I wish I could do something to make it better.

Maggiemaybe Sat 13-Apr-19 23:10:48

Merlot, I am so very sorry. Holding you, your precious girl and your whole family in my prayers. thanks

BradfordLass72 Sat 13-Apr-19 23:15:36

merlotgran I send my love and the hope you and the family find strength and serenity is this most awful of situations.

Since I first read of your daughter's diagnosis, I have shed many tears for her, and you, and you've been in my thoughts each day....and will continue to be remembered.

With much love flowers

crazyH Sat 13-Apr-19 23:27:13

My Lord - how do you do it, how do you carry on ,
on a day to day basis....our family have had one or two scares over the years but have come out of them. However, at that time. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep, couldn't clean the house, just concentrated on the problem in hand.
It may sound a bit simplistic. But where there's life, there is hope. So I would still wait and pray flowers

Namsnanny Sat 13-Apr-19 23:52:40

Merlotgran….Others have said it with more eloquence, but I too am thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.
flowers

harrigran Sun 14-Apr-19 00:21:21

Sending my thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Evie64 Sun 14-Apr-19 00:32:29

So so sorry Merlot. If there was something any of us on here could do for you know, we would. Sadly life and death are intrinsically linked and there really is nothing anyone can do. So sad for you and your family and of course your DD. I sincerely hope her passing is painless and quick. That's all any of us can really hope for love. Unbearable.....

GrandmainOz Sun 14-Apr-19 05:13:00

merlotthinking of you so much. I lost an adult child myself a few years ago (in different circumstances).
My heartfelt sympathy to you. I wish you strength . From one mother to another

Luckygirl Sun 14-Apr-19 08:45:47

merlot - so many times you have propped me up with your kind posts when needed. And now I find I do not have the words to offer you in your hour of need. This is such a difficult moment in all your lives; but I would venture to say that your DD is clearly much loved and surrounded by those who care for her and this is the very best that any of us can hope for as our lives draw to a close.

I am holding you in my thoughts and in my heart.

flowers

Anniebach Sun 14-Apr-19 09:04:32

merlot I have no words, x

Susan56 Sun 14-Apr-19 09:24:38

Merlot,you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.Sending much love and strength to you all.xx

Thorntrees Sun 14-Apr-19 16:16:59

I don’t post often but have been following your post Merlot. We too have an adult daughter with a life limiting condition so my heart goes out to you. Each day is so precious as we are so aware those days are likely to be few. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers as you try as I do to stay strong for your loved ones although inside our hearts are breaking.x

Bellanonna Mon 15-Apr-19 08:54:41

Thorntrees that’s so sad to read. Sending you a little hug.
Please come on here whenever you feel like a sympathetic ear.