I love him dearly but.....

better curse for me ex silent and I doubt that's possible
Kittylester; I'm a gentle OAP and not into curses, but if you wish to clarify who or what this"ex" is, and what you want the curse to do, I'm quietly confident I can do "better".

relatively new gn'er
Annodomini; Thanks for your compliment! I've been a GNer for only 12 months and not sure how long my apprenticeship has to last before I'm allowed to comment on "oldies"? But thanks for classifying me as a beginner; I feel years younger! My elation is clouded by the fact that the OP intended this thread to be lighthearted which was why my response was firmly tongue-in-cheek (i.e. cheeky) which is what yours is, I'm sure!

Yep, anno. Fortunately he has been silent for a year now - it cant last!!

My phone has been updated and is really getting ideas above its station.

Your ex-SiL. Kitty?

Well, to beat phoenix you'd have to do be able to write a better curse for me ex silent and I doubt that's possible, rufus! Though he is still alive!!

Anno and there have been some cracking ones over the years.

Rufus2, you call phoenix a 'beginner'. If you weren't a relatively new gn'er, you would be acquainted with many of her vintage threads!

Ahh Phoenix I see you haven’t lost your touch , love it!

I am absolutely How very dare you!

Thank you all, I aim to amuse, although I understand that not all members will appreciate it
Phoenix; How right you are! I thought I was the resident Court Jester around here and now I'm consumed with jealousy!
It's very clever though and not bad for a beginner! A few more like that, (now for the patronising spiel!) and you'll be eligible to enrol in our Master Joker Club; open to all sexes, but currently suffering from a dearth of female "jokesters." When you feel up to it give me a bell and I'll sponsor you!
As a matter of fact, I'm surprised at the number of audience members who actually confessed to thinking it was a hubby. I'm not a cat person and my money was on Charlie your pet hamster; but we can't be right all the time, can we?

Thanks ?

We sleep in different rooms too - always glad to hear of other couples who do, cos I feel a bit guilty about it, although I'd never go back to sharing.

I guessed but fun anyway!

My eyes were opening ever wider until the last bit. What a lovely name for your cat and I echo other sentiments about your posts.
You make us smile. Thank you.

Well done Phoenix - you should be available on the NHS!
(Didn't catch me out though, I'm too used to your wily ways. )

No, the worst is the disembowelled mouse in the bed.I still have nightmares about it.?

Breeze, our darling girl brought one of those in for us - she looked so pleased with herself! Can't decide whether the live frog on the carpet is better or worse than the live mouse on the bed ...

Oh phoenix you should be available on the NHS. Your sponge in the dark comment made me laugh out loud. Frightened the life out of DH who wasn’t asleep (or so he says) ?

Not "fun down" rub down damn tablet!

I could have added "insisting on being a thorough, brisk fun down with a towel when you come in soaking wet!

Oliver Sprout seems to need re-waterproofing, I have never known a cat to get so sodden!

He loves being dried, and will present himself ready for drying, and will then often go out, and come back in, just as wet for the procedure to be repeated

Minnie just takes one look at any inclement weather and goes either back to bed, or to one of her favourite hobbies, namely moving the landing rug (she seems to think it looks better at a "jaunty" angle, rather than straight) or cataloguing and "filing" her sponge collection.

You have no idea of how disconcerting it can be to step on a washing up sponge in bare feet, in the dark..................

Ha ha ...loved it !!! mine yells furiously to go out of the window (she knows it is a bungalow !) …at 4.ooa.m. ...just why she refuses to use the cat flap I know not ……...cats! don't you just luv em ……..I was hoping it wasn't about your husband as I read to the end ………..

Made me laugh Phoenix!

so so funny yes i thought it was hubby but no its the cat!! more please.(grin)

I assumed you were talking about your husband and was feeling so sorry for him until I read the last bit! Thanks for making me laugh!

Thank you so much - really funny. Felt a strange mix of bewilderment and sympathy till I realised it was your cat!