Lack of friends

I'm the opposite of most of you my OH is the most sociable man on the planet ,I'm the one who would rather stay home .I have GC to look after a sick daughter and an elderly parent ( my mil) when I do get time I just want to chill with a book or a session cooking/baking and get time to myself.
Friends that we've had for decades irritate me now with their insisting we NEED to get away more often, they know I've never been holiday minded so why would I be now?they are hardly ever home always traipsing somewhere ,and the rest of the time pleading poverty .I am perfectly happy where I am .I've worked with the public for 50 years and its just nice to get away from people for a change .

I am now 82 and hove been immobile since 79..I had to stop driving and have been housebound since then...it’s hard to keep up a friendship because people stop calling..I used to love going to karaoke nights and now I just sit and look out of the window.. I think I have lost the interest to go out at nigh and I am gradually beginning to think as an old woman..I do have long phone calls from a friend that I can laugh with but I miss face to face and now I am beginning to get about my flat more I wish I had friends to call for a cuppa..I don’t like thinking I am old....I also have an age uk volunteer who phones me every Thursday from London..just a short informal conversation..even so she is in London I am in swinton..I always have the kettle on if your passing my way

To those Ladies that are lonely with no so called friends a organisation to join is the Red Hatters look it up you can be out with them or as little as you like I hope this helps a few people emilina

I guess I'm lucky that I have has a best close friend from when we started school, 60 years ago and a best friend in my sister. I have many friends but these two lovely ladies I can put my trust in and we are always there for each other. are you able to change your job and find one where you are in the company of other people. Also if it appeals to you, there's a fortnightly magazine called 'Yours' that has a page called Friends of Yours where people are seeking friendship. Each person writes in giving their age and what their interests are and which area they live in. Charities also have befriending volunteers so that you can have 1 to 1 chats to people who would also love to have company. Do you have any neighbours that would love to have a shopping trip friend or someone who needs their dog taking out for a walk. If it interests you, would you fancy being a bar lady in a local pub. I'm a volunteer in an elderly residential home and have been and still am blessed in making friends with so many lovely people and some with real characters. A rewarding job.

Can I just add that where I'm a volunteer, people are interviewed and police checked before being accepted and so there's a delay before starting. I guess this would apply in all cases.

PaddyAnn I absolutely realise that my ocassional vexation with DH is my own issue. There is nothing wrong with him I just get pangs of envy when friends have a whole other world opened up to them via their OH.

I also realise that if you have a sociable DH, his friends are nit necessarily going to be people you would chose and it can cause a whole other level of problems..

... its just a little "grass is greener" pity party on my behalf!

If I had enough friends of my OWN it surely wouldnt bother me.

My problem not his really..

I have a lot of friends for a variety of reasons. Lots of interests, make lots of effort, have friends from every stage of my life. Lucky you, you might think. What I don’t have is my husband. He died two years ago. Without my friends and family I doubt I would have survived. Others have suggested ways to make friends. Go out and do it. It is hard if you are not outgoing but you will benefit if you. Good luck!

My best friend moved away from the area last year and I felt bereft. I have a couple more friends (ex colleagues) who I see regularly but decided I'd like to expand my circle. The magazine Yours (I am not associated with this so am not advertising) has a Find A Friend column and I used this to see if I could form any friendships this way. I have met one lady with whom I have a lot in common and we now regularly go to the cinema together. I also suffer from a rare condition and, via Facebook, managed to trace three women living in my area, who also suffer from it. We message each other regularly and meet as and when we can. Funnily enough we hardly every talk about our condition but chat and have a good laugh. Good luck if you do want to try to increase your friendship circle. BTW if you live in the North East you might want to meet me for coffee and a chat!

Maybe join a walking group.
Where I live, we have regular twice weekly coffee mornings to meet up and chat with other like minded women.

This was initially organised through Gransnet.
You should be able to find out if there is a local group near you.
Or you could maybe organise one yourself. My particular group has evolved from just a few of us getting together and now we have around twenty sometimes attending.
Sometimes just having acquaintances, is ok and if you meet up on a regular basis, friendships will inevitably develop.

Saying

I went looking for friends, and friends where no where to be seen
I went out to be a friend and friends where everywhere!

Look out for your local U3A and don't be frightened by the University in the title - I joined in your position several years ago near where I lived the and subsequently moved down to Somerset and joined and am an active member of the one local to me. there will be monthly meetings where there will be an interest talk and it is the habit to have a meeter/greeter when you go so if you go alone they can introduce you around. Within each U3A there are a number of interest groups you can join that meet when they have agree to meet and you can find them on their own website. I belong to a Mah-jong group I facilitate an art group, and I am on the committee. We have a ukele group, 2 recorder, beginner and advanced, numerous language groups and bridge - this is only a few of the 25 or so we have. Within these groups you are sure to make a friend with a similar interest. I addition to all of this if there is something you would like to have happen you can approach the committee and facilitate a group yourself - you do not have to be any good at the subject, just be prepared to organise. Hope this is of some help

I agree with a comment made before - friends does mean different things to different people - talking to the neighbours does not mean they are friends to me, where you know if you tell them something they will tell the next person they see - a friend to me is someone I can say anything to, tell them anything and I know it will go no further - and unfortunately I don't have one of those. I would love a close friend who I could confide in and trust.

I moved from North to South two years ago and had to say goodbye to friends. I still keep in touch with some of them but I joined the local U3a, a local community choir ( and I didn’t know I could sing) a reading group at the local library and a walking group. Making friends wasn’t instant but I’m getting there. I doubt I’ll ever replace the depth of a couple of my oldest friendships but I do have people I meet for coffee and a chat and whom I could phone if I was in a mess. Take courage, it’s not you. Part of the issue is not having time because of work and family obligations but if now is the time for you to spread your wings and find friends, trust me you can do it. I reckon there are a lot of people out there who are lonely and looking for friendship, you just have to take the plunge and find them! Good luck.

I’ve made the point before that it’s a pity the people who are looking for friends can’t meet up via Gransnet. Yes, you do have to say where you live and some might not be happy with that. There are a lot of lonely people out there, so think about it.

Zsarina, I would most certainly enjoy you and your kettle but its too far.

I had a good friend of 35 years we had a falling out a couple of years ago over me cancelling a day out due to having to take a member of the family to hospital. I have apologised numerous of times but she is not interested.

I have made other friends now by joining various clubs, which was hard to do on my own. Although they are friends we don’t have a special relationship where we can tell each other everything.

I still really miss her but have had to make a wider circle of friends and hope that my relationship with them turns into something special.

I have always been a bit quiet, and didn't make friends easily. I have some, but no-one that I feel really close too, which is sad. I get out quite a lot, though, and also enjoy my own company.

My DD made some new friends by joining a book club. She had fertility problems, and one friend became so close that she donated eggs and became 'mum' to my daughter's baby. She also behaved impeccably with the baby, acting like a loving aunt, and never overstepping the boundaries. Her husband is pretty special too! You couldn't possibly have better friends than that!

People who sit at home feeling sorry for themselves are not going to make friends easily; they will not come knocking on your door. So, you need to get out there and have a positive, happy attitude, otherwise people won't bother to get to know you. Harsh, but I'm afraid, true.

Start by being more friendly with your neighbours, chat and invite them round for coffee. Talk to people in supermarkets etc. I am always talking to the next person in the queue. Visit your local library and see what courses and groups they run. Book clubs are good because they will make you engage in conversation. Go to church and volunteer to do things -they are always desperate for help and you don't have to be especially religious. I'm an atheist but still go to church events like playgroups with my granddaughter and quizzes, which is my 'thing'. I find the Baptist church welcoming. Volunteer for other local organisations such as political groups (I met lots of new, like minded people through campaigning for Brexit) and there's a myriad of charities or physical activity groups to chose from. I went to a swimming therapy group after a knee operation and made friends by just chatting in the communal ( female) changing room. I also made new friends by going on a singles holiday. Perhaps get a dog and smile and talk to every dog walker you meet and admire their pet! Fill your time with activities, even if it's just babysitting for a local family to get some extra cash - there will be loads around who need someone-give your name to the local toddler group.

Maybe if your husband sees you out and about having a nice time, he may want to do more. Never turn down an invitation or refuse to offer help to someone who really needs and appreciates it. Could you perhaps look for a different or extra job which involves more public interaction?

After splitting from my husband some years ago, I had to form a new social life as I was no longer part of the couples circle. Although I would admit my best friends are my two adult daughters, I have several male friends whom I go to quizzes with regularly. One, sadly, has just died and he was a quizzing and a political friend but, all of a sudden within weeks, another guy pops up and wants to be in my team. I do prefer the company of men, I must admit, and have always found it easy to be with men who are 'just mates'. I'm certainly not particularly attractive, so the men aren't engaging with me because of that, but I just find it easy to talk to people about anything even though I was always shy as an only child.

I am 56 and have 2 friends, one who I see almost weekly when she is not away, she is now retiresd, and the other I was very good fri nd with when we worked together for 10 years but I have been visiting whilst she was home after having a s!a accident and time off work. I am so glad I made the effort as we went for lunch two weeks ago and have.booked to see a play in may and are texting regularly now as opposed to her visit to my birthday and my visit to her on her birthday. We have promised to make !ore of an effort. I also joined a rounders team this year and a! Making !ore aaquutances through that and attend a craft workshop when I can and have met a few people through that.

I would definitely suggest finding a club, voluntary work,sports or arts group, class to mix with like minded people. Make an effort to talk to people.

Go on face book and join a local group you will find people you knew from years ago I have.

Good luck, and here's to making !more friends than when we were younger, I hope to do so. X

I am 62 and have no real, close friends at all except my husband and children. I went to 14 different schools and became more and more isolated as I moved on. I can be friendly and have a reasonable number of acquaintances but no female friend in whom to confide or with whom to share pains and pleasures.

It is somewhat lonely but when I look at Gransnet, Mumsnet and other comment sections on websites I realise how very cruel and heartless people can be especially to those who think others need and depend on them. I certainly would not want to be a hostage to my affections.

I really feel for the OP and hope she can take up the very helpful suggestions that commenters are making about meeting others.

Am I asking too much? All I want is a one good friend who will be there for me as I will be there for her. I used to go to church. I go to a monthly lunch club. I used to belong to U3A. I went walking. I joined several groups & classes. What is it about me I'm getting an inferiority complex.
I made some "good" friends or so I thought who I thought would be there for me if I ever needed any one. How wrong can you be! I broke my ankle last January I was housebound for 3 months no one came near! The ladies I thought were friends did things together I was not included. I have several health problems & in the past before she died I was looking after my Mum as well . They seemed to take it as a personal slight that sometimes I was too ill or too tired to go out with them. It didn't interfere with their plans at all. How do you make friends? I don't think I'm a nasty person I try to be sensitive,understanding,helpful, a good listener. Perhaps I'm too soft.

Or was it that they did not contact you because they felt that they did not know you well enough and that you might consider it as intrusion.

It is easy to always assume that everything other people do is rejection an negative. We sometimes, needto re think how we think.

I was out to lunch today with a group I belong to. I was sat between two people I know less well than others in the group. I said very little because I am getting over the dreaded lurgy and I was feeling tired and washed out. Nobody could know that and they probably thought I was just uncommunicative. so they talked mainly to the people around me, and who can blame them. The fault lay with me not them.

What about joining the local WI, it is not all jam and Jerusalem these days, they have all sorts of different topics and speakers, our local one has done gin tasting and hula hooping! In addition to their monthly meetings there are options to join in with other nights out.

Being part of a group does not put a pressure on you to find friends but gives you an option of different company and interesting nights out. It is a great start. I hope you find enjoyment out of what you find to do.

Hi everyone , I to have no friends.

I think it all boils down to being a true friend to ones self, to bring tranquility and joy into ones own heart and mind and provide ones self with equal joy and comfort like one gives to others- I don't believe people deserve the love they've given in return, but do believe that an open heart and mind won't have to look very far to find it-