Lack of friends

There is an element of luck.
We could all post advice about how to meet a partner.
Whether a person taking that advice ended up sailing off into the sunset with the love of their life remains to be seen.

Someone else may have mentioned this but have you tried University of the Third Age (U3A)? There's lots going on there and as someone else has said, acquaintances can become friends (in fact as a long term divorcee, I've met a lovely man through U3A)!

I had a lot of friends until I moved to be with my OH.. then although I worked full time I only had colleagues ( mostly younger). Didn't notice really until I retired then it struck me - esp as by best friend had died at 50 -was a "billy no mates" went to tweet-ups ( see Twitter) and re-started swimming at local pool, on both places have made some lovely friends.
Find something you love doing and friendships will come I'm sure..

Wow quizqueen you are amazing! I agree with all that you say about getting out there and just immersing yourself in stuff!

I joined Facebook purely so that I could find out about events going on locally and it’s been a boon as I try most things advertised at least once and I’ve met so many new people (can’t always remember names but never forget a face and always admit to that!).

I don’t expect everyone I meet to become a ‘Best’ friend but am happy to call them a friend if I can chat at the shop, bank or bar or even Facebook for a few minutes and I willingly help anyone on my account without a blink. Why wouldn’t I?

Actually, although I have half a dozen very close friends going back to primary school and onwards, I wouldn’t call any of them best friends - but they all know how much they mean to me and I do different stuff at different times with all of them.

As my dad said about me, his daughter, and his three sons, ‘ I love you equally, but differently’.

Can I also recommend the National Women's Register? I first joined many years ago and it was a boon when moving to new areas to be able to plug into the local network for all manner of things. I'm still friends with people I met via NWR over 30 years ago.

www.nwr.org.uk

You have to approach it as a project. "This year I am going to make some new friends". I worked full time and had three children, busy life. 4 years ago my husband died. 3 years ago I retired (from teaching). SO........I joined a choir. Two art classes. Aqua aerobics and Pilates. Some short courses on gardening, art history etc. Result? Lots of new friends.

My job as a friend is to be supportive.
If you can't do that don't be their friend - find someone else you are more in line with.
Remember to listen to people and if they don't listen back forget it!

To be trustworthy you have to be reliable - you need to practise these things yourself to find someone equally so. Never be late - its an insult to the person you're meeting.
Always be considerate, kind - never a doormat and treat others as you would like to be treated. If you want someone to visit you when ill do the same to those you know.

I do volunteering with a children's after school literacy project - if you want to know more ask and I can give you details - they always need people as its one to one and brilliantly run.
Volunteering is the best thing to 'get yourself out of your own head' all about giving which is good medicine so to speak but you have to enjoy it so try a few different ones.
Don't stay in one you don't like just for the sake of it.

Love the earlier post from someone who loves pottering at home while the people she knows flit here there and everywhere! It gets to me to the amount of travelling some folks do when retired. I think a lot of it is escaping boredom but when they get there its boring too! Just something to do but not useful! I think its called a geographical...Bit like moving house because you feel miserable.

Surely one holiday a year is more acceptable, practical and affordable - if you're lucky of course?

Adore the earlier post about putting leaflets through doors to arrange a coffee afternoon and its now going strong once a week and before they leave they always arrange the date for the next meeting. I think that's very important. Now that's what I call impressive - I would love to be friends with that poster!

Wonderful thread - lots of inspiring posts.

I have also reached 63 yrs and found myself with no friends, I was widowed a year ago.
My adult children are good but not a friend for a chat or laugh.
I had friends when children were young, but moving and then giving up work to care for my mother for 8 yrs.
After she past my health deterioated and I had depression, my husband then had heart problems for 5 yrs and we just lived in our own bubble and happy.
Now he has gone its tough.

Why don’t the lonely people wishing to make some friends,put their area they live in, then other local people may contact them and start with going out for coffee etc. I am in West Sussex and would love to meet up with someone. Any takers????

I am so sorry for the OP and others on here who say they have none or few friends. I don't know what to suggest - just wanted to express sympathy. And you can make friends through this group.

Vauxhall58: Have you made any progress? Would be interested to hear from you as there are so many good ideas here, especially suggesting you meet up with fellow GN people in your area.

Have you tried your local WI? In most towns there is achoice of groups who meet in the day or those that meet in the evening. If you do join there are a choice of sub groups where you get to know a few of the members on a more friend making way! Such as a Book Group A walking group or a scrabble group Good luck!

Hello all
Thanks you for your replies all taken on board and will follow through I have found a couple of sites online I'm trying
I'm in the Essex area if anyone is also looking for a good friend xx

Sounds familiar and I just wrote a long message but hadn't logged in properly so message got wiped.
Try U3A, all kinds of groups for over 50's, Linkage, they do lots of things including short walks ending at cafes and have a look at the Meetup website too.
I found myself short of friends but since finding these groups I have plenty of new people in my life and friendships build over time.
good luck, feel free to ask me more.

Where you live , and your age group, has much to do with how to make friends. Notanan is right . Friends and acquaintances are not the same.

I'm not gregarious and had to be very stern with myself to go out and meet people.

I did find that single people are better than married people for friendship. Unfortunately you really have to join something and not be impatient. Like lovers, a friend may be unexpected but you have to place yourself where other people are.

Vauxhall58.

Bear in mind that not everything that happens in communities is listed online. Clubs and organisations may not have a web presence or if they do, these may be run by volunteers and subject to the vagaries of having someone with the time and technical expertise to keep listings up to date.

Community, library, church, supermarket and pub notice boards are a good way to find out what is going on in your local community. Libraries will usually have a noticeboard but may also have an overspill folder or folders of what's on as they often receive far more publicity flyers than they have room to display.

I don’t think you have said what interests you and what you like to do . Essex is an excellent county for community activities where you can meet people with similar interests.

I agree with notanan2 who said that it’s easy to meet people but not so easy to make deeper friendships but the one can only develop from the other.

It isn’t easy for everyone to meet people

JanaNana has it right, smiling at people is a great start. You physically feel better if you smile.
Smiling makes someone interesting, and potentially someone you'd like to know.

KEEP SMILING!!

Vauxhall the Essex members are meeting up in April, and I know you would be more than welcome to come along.
I haven't met any of the ladies yet, so no need for nerves or anything.

Please come if you're able.

No one has come forward in my area, hope you do better than me. I always smile at people and am open to an invitation to meet for coffe.

Messaged yòu x

Vauxhall you're so young! Friendships take time to build.
I haven't read the whole thread, so don't know if this has been mentioned: It takes time to make a close friend. I'm 83 now and can remember about 6 women I've been close to in the various stages of my life. Most are no longer here.
The last one was in France, we were friends for about 10 years, went shopping and walking together and of course chatting. Similar ages.
Be patient, and show interest in them.

Hello Bluesky1

I live in West Sussex post code RH17 7ba
Where are you ?

Because of this thread I actually walked into a drop in group today. Very nervous, because I have shut myself away for a long time...various reasons, poor experiences using U3A groups [not all members are welcoming and pleasant unfortunately] being one of them.

I was immediately welcomed and spent a pleasant couple of hours in good friendly company. In the course of the conversations I have learnt about a few activities, when they are held and where...which I was unaware of before now. So much is going on but it's not easy to find the information despite scouring local papers weekly.

I had been once before [and a couple of other places in the past] and not felt comfortable there and left it for a few weeks, but going again was different altogether. I feel much better about life now...after being severely let down by someone recently which has knocked me for six.

Reading threads like this has made me keep on trying. I feel I have turned a corner so thanks for the encouragement of people here who try to help others finding themselves in a lonely place.

Bleubirdwsm that is brilliant ?. Well done. I am nervous too but its worth the effort.