Everyone gone.

It is hard becoming an orphan, no matter what your age, and if aunts, uncles and grandparents have also died, then it is really hard if there is no-one to discuss your memories of earlier life with. I have one brother who I see perhaps once a year, we don't really have anything at all in common, but it is good to remind each other of times growing up, and will feel lost if he goes first. My sympathy to you in the loss of your sister, do you have any other younger family members?

Yes I felt like you gmelon, like others have expressed when the second parent dies, you are suddenly faced with the fact that you are an orphan. It doesn't matter how old you are. Then a couple of years after my mother's death, my brother and only sibling died. I'm now the only one still standing from my birth family, it was and is a sobering thought. My grandparents are long gone, as to be expected at our age, and a couple of years ago my last remaining aunt of all my aunts and uncles died. My husband who is over 10 years older than me still has a remaining aunt and uncle, well into their 90s, in fact his aunt is probably a year off a 100.

I meant to add, older members of the family are invaluable if you involve yourself in family history, I was able to pick the brains of my mother, her cousin and an aunt before they died.

B9exchange
Thank you.
We were a small family. Aunts and Uncles were actually my Grandparents brothers and sister. They are long gone.

We became an isolated family unit because my parents disappeared when I was four weeks old leaving my sister and I.

They were later traced to South Africa.

They'd been planning it while my mother was in the later weeks of pregnancy. Booked a passage on a ship including car, secretly sold their house.
My Grandmother remained shocked and ashamed all her life. Her only son had abandoned his family.

She cut herself off from life so that isolated us girls too.

My own sons don't really remember my grandparents.

I feel upset that my dad ( a control freak) has all of my late grandparents photographs , papers etc. And he will not let me have them, or even look at them other than in his home with him in charge . My grandparents were my late mums parents, so in-laws to him . I have asked if I can bring the suitcase home ( where I wanted to invite my sister and 2 cousins to go through them all with me ) but have been met with a resounding NO . Apologies if I have gone a bit off topic but really don’t know how to deal with this . Many people will know that I was very very close to my dear grandma whom I looked after until she died aged 99 . I don’t want to have to wait until my dad goes to look at her photos etc.

My sister is really toxic, and she always has been. But even though my DH has suggested that I go "no contact" with her, I can't. Like you, I've got nobody else - not one person left from our family. We never had any aunts / uncles / cousins and our other sister died 20 years ago . All there is, is us two sisters and our children and grandchildren. So I hang on, disliking her intensely but knowing that she is my only link to our parents and grandparents.

As these photographs etc are part of your blood family gilly I don’t understand your Dad’s attitude to not even let you borrow them. This would upset me too.

I am the eldest cousin now in our extended family so, keeper of our GP’s papers etc. all of which have been borrowed and returned to me until whoever is next in line.

I know how especially close you were to your dear Grandma so understand how important anything pertaining to her is precious to you.

I hope your Dad has a change of heart?

gmelon I do understand how you feel. Might it help for you to write all about your family in a little journal just for your own reading? You could record the old family names for each other, funny little phrases and events. The general ups and downs of family life. It could be a nice wallow down memory lane in a few years time when you might want to read it all again? Do it before your memories fade.
It could be cathartic though so be ready with the tissues.
In time your own children and grandchildren might like to read it too.

I have no one above me left bar one second cousin who lives the other end of the country
Mum and Dad gone, no siblings and all my cousins gone
It’s not a good feeling

I agree, BlueBelle. All I have left are about 4 cousins living in southern Ireland and we are not in touch. My parents died in 1979 and I have no siblings. I divorced in 1988 and I did not have any children.

I went back to my maiden name once my son married, reckoned there didn't need to be 2 Mrs Cs. Also as I come from a family of girls, and not many of us at that, I thought I could be the last of the Bs.
By my age I should be the oldest and the matriarch :-)
but my mother is now in her hundred-and first year.!
( she isn't a B having married again after my dad died)

I grew up in the love of a large extended family, I was truely blessed , but it has affected the relationships with my three sisters who had very little contact with the extended family,

Would your dad be happy for you to take photos of all your family documentsat his house and while he’s there with you, gillybob?

Further to Jane10’s suggestion about writing down your memories, I bought copies of The Grandparents’ Journal (Ryland, Peters & Small) for us to fill in and pass on to each of our children. I find the prompts in it help me focus when I record my memories. It’s American, so some of the topics (prom night, for instance) aren’t relevant, but I’m working round that.

I think jane10 has a good idea.
Writing our "memoirs" may be a long sometimes painful process but I've read that it helps with our present life when we explore our past.

I'm losing a lot of my memory due to multiple sclerosis so I'd better start straight away!
That's if I can remember to.

I'm sad that I haven't had any older relatives for several years now- I had a number of lovely Aunties and I loved listening to them talking about their childhoods and their lives. I also really appreciated their advice both asked and asked for. I dont think there is anyone in the younger members of our family who would appreciate me in the same way.

Thank you for your replies Kalu and MaggieMaybe and sincere apologies to gmelon for going slightly off topic.

I too am the eldest cousin and the eldest living female in the family. I had hoped (assumed even) that when my mum died my dad would be happy for my grandparents "effects" (nothing of any financial worth....just photos, documents etc) to come to me until such time I would pass them down the line. I have asked so many times I give up. He is happy for me to get the suitcase out at his house under his control, but that is not what I want to do. My hope was to bring it to mine where my sister and I together with my 2 cousins could go through it all together. I involve my dad in just about every thing I ever do but wanted this to be just for us cousins to remember our maternal grandparents. He does like to be in control though.

My dad is the eldest living member of the family as a whole but no blood relation to my late maternal grandparents.

I do have a brother and male cousin but I am the only female of my generation left, when I have mentioned it to other friends it seems plenty of others are in a similar situation.

A lot of our family memories have been passed on verbally as we have always had regular meet ups with sometimes 3 generations present sharing memories. Some remember more details than others and fill in the gaps. Both my DDs and now 2 GDs love to hear their family history.

DD1 gave DH and I Granny and Grampa memory books to fill in for her 2DDs so they now have a record of significant dates and details at least about DH and I, their grandparents and great grandparents. No idea where DD bought these books but I thought they were a very good idea.......when we remember to write up some more info?

Meant to add, sorry for going a bit off topic gmelon

Both my parents are dead and I have no siblings. When my Mother died, 8 years after my Father, I was heartbroken as the realisation hit that I was now an orphan and the two most important people, who loved me unconditionally, were gone. I was thankfully part of a very loving extended family but nothing /nobody will ever fill the place of my parents.

Please, ladies, share your thoughts freely without concern or apologies to me for going off topic.
We cannot stop the thoughts that are conjured up and Gransnetters are very good listeners.

I have no siblings and both parents died many years ago. DH doesn’t speak to his only sister and our daughter has cut contact with us. It does feel op,onely sometimes.