Soop`s superbly supportive,caring and fun loving Kitchen.

I think that is what lies behind suicide - the wish for it to end , for the pain to go away, for peace.
It is not wanting to die, but not wanting to go on suffering.
I can think of two occasions when I felt close, one was waiting to cross Victoria Street in London after we had lost our 3 week old son and one was when paw slipped away. In a heartbeat I would have gone with him
That is not to say I get suicidal, but I can imagine that Lucy saw no bearable way forward with their life and the urge for it to stop must have been hard to fight.
I apologise if that was not in fact what happened and if I am letting my imagination run away with me

I'm glad you yelled at her, Galen. It wouldn't have done you any harm to let loose and may have helped to release some pent-up emotions. She was in the wrong and there is no need for you to feel apologetic.

What a horrible experience Galen ?

Thanks all. I’m not suicidal atm, but I am definitely very depressed.
We still don’t know Lucy’s cause of death, but I strongly suspect it was suicide.

I don’t want to tell Venetia about this as it would probably make her feel guilty as well.. so I’m afraid you lot, are the only ones I can confide in.
Thanks for being here.

Not sure I agree Galen sometimes we do have to allow our children to be adults and let them “into” our grief. If she is going to feel guilty it is not going to be because of anything you have said so better to be upfront with each other perhaps?

She already feels perhaps she should have made more effort to visit her. She has 3 children, it’s a 5 hour return journey and she’s still breastfeeding junior.
Lucy didn’t want any visitors and refused help and treatment from friends,relatives and professionals.

I’ve told her there was nothing she could do, and I think she’s accepted this.

Anne has spent years trying to make me feel guilty about the fact I went out to work,while she stayed home until the children were school age.
I think she’s jealous of the fact I have more money than her.

Galen your neighbour doesn’t deserve your friendship, or your respect, or any consideration for her feelings.
So if you don’t want to see her again, then don’t. Sometimes we can be too accepting of others’ faults, or the way they behave towards us, but in the end you must protect yourself from further hurt.

Perhaps you should confide in Venetia - I am sure she will be worrying about you, and maybe it would help you both to talk things through.
x

Goodness, galen, it’s a long while since I’ve heard anything so insensitive, anne is seriously misguided and you could well be right, there’s more to it than the choices Lucy made. They were her choices and as an adult she had the right to make them. Please tel yourself the same as you have quite rightly told Venetia, there was nothing she, you or anyone could do. I’m so sorry you have this extra hurt to bear. .

Wolfie is looking very tolerant kitty, a fabulous image.

Lovely photos Kitty, I`m so pleased that you now have Mr.Lester home. Poor Bertie, he always seems to be in the wars.
Morethan, I`m not very good with words, but I so admire how you and your family have coped and are coping with all the terrible stress and strain that you must all be under.
Panache, lovely to see you again, but so sorry that nothing is yet being done to lighten your load, would that I could help.
Galen, friends like that you do not need. Like MawB says, maybe you should share this with your daughter, rather than suffer it alone.
My son has to wait until March 11th to see the oncologist, so is trying to stay positive whilst he waits, but his wife is nearly going to pieces over it. She`s been reading allsorts on the internet, despite being advised not to.
Soop, I dread to think about the postage costs for this big box of yours!. I regularly exchange books with a friend in Wales, and I know that it costs me £2.95 minimum, but for that I can send up to 4 books. I was once sending 12 books, so I parcelled them all up together, expecting to pay 3 times what I pay for 4, but I was charged almost £14! So I went back to 4 books to each parcel, much cheaper.

Galen you did nothing wrong. The choices Lucy made were her own to make. I always feel when people are as judgemental as Anne has been there is jealousy at foot. She must be very narrow minded and insensitive. I would give her a wide berth for the time being. She probably realises she was out of line. If she doesn't she is not worth bothering with. Do not try to protect your daughter. Talk to her about Lucy but neither of you should feel guilty.

callgirl it doesn't sound as if they think it is too urgent with your son so try not to worry. Tell your DiL not to look at the internet - what she is reading is already out of date as they are developing treatments daily.

A brief visit to say I am thinking of all of you with problems, whether practical like Panache or so emotional i.e. morethan and Galen.

I am having a short break with my D and GC in West Sussex.
They have 3 enormous cats and a dog, so plenty of company.
The downside is that they are all so untidy. I have to ignore it and balance it with how nice it is to spend time with them.

I am missing Molly, my other GD has moved into my home to look after her although she will be alone during the day.

I hope you are all enjoying the beautiful weather though I don't think we will reach yesterday's temperature.
My GD and I are going to take the dog for a (very) short walk soon.

Ann, isn't it wonderful that this lovely spell of weather has coincided with your break in Sussex. I'm sure it will do you a world of good. Three cats? don't tell Molly - it might make her jealous!
kitty, Wolfie looks slightly apprehensive in his photo. I wonder how he enjoyed the loud music! And poor Bertie. I do hope the delay in getting him to a dentist hasn't done him further damage. Can they put milk teeth back into place?
Galen, as we have all said, you need not feel any guilt nor does Venetia. It's hard to accept that our adult children make their own decisions, irrespective of our intentions and expectations for them.
Enjoy what's left of this beautiful early spring, everyone. I have seen some healthy looking hollyhock plants in Waitrose. Would it be too early for me to plant them?

Galen it sounds as if your neighbor does not deserve your friendship, I wonder if you will receive an apology from her?

Panache if I were closer I would cook for you both.

Morethan ? recharge your batteries in Mexico, you need your strength to cope with your family situation ?

Thoughts and virtual cake and coffee to you all ☕️?

I am going to the gym for the first time in 4 weeks, gentle exercises to see how my back will cope, need to shift my middle area before I lay on a sun lounger in the Caribbean, is it possible to lose a stone in a month???

Enjoy the sunshine if you gave it ☀️

Indeed glorious sunshine and what an uplifting treat it really is.
Whilst people like our GG13 make the place such a nicer place to live in,what a lovely thing to say and one I much appreciate.
Though it seems you really could do with a helping hand yourself!

Great timing for your break dear Ann and I could not be more pleased for you............only one word to add........enjoy.

However totally lost for words Galen by a neighbour whom has known all about you and your family for so many years yet at a very low point in your life she has the audacity to spout such utter nastiness.This person needs to be avoided like the plague.We have no space for such uncalled for disgusting words when quite obviously you are grieving.
Sending you the biggest warmest cwtch from Wales and please do not let this upset you any more.

Oh dear!!! reading up on medical terms when facing an unpleasant diagnoses is never a good idea Callgirl but again we are but human, and as your son has what appears a long wait to be seen by the Oncologist........so human nature has us seeking answers.Fingers so tightly crossed for him...........and you all,this waiting period is such a drain.

Wolfie is certainly well placed to steal the show and I can well see he is giving your family much joy Kitty

Hope a certain Mr C is enjoying his Special day Cornergran

Am hoping to spend a little time in the great outdoors as it really is beckoning me!!

Have a good day my GN friends.

Galen, you showed Lucy respect by not harassing her for contact all the time. She was following her own path, and living by her own choices. This is often something that not everyone understands, and some well-meaning people think that if you do not actively attempt to rescue that adult child from this path or choices, then you aren't being a good and loving parent.
Lucy lived as she wished and she knew you loved her and were there for her, as was Venetia.
Your friend has let you down by talking to you like this and should be very ashamed of herself. Give it time to settle. I don't often post, but I just want you to know I'm thinking of you. xx

Galen I have been moved by your posts. In a good way. That so-called friend is a BUGGERATION. She had no right to spout forth. A hug would have been in keeping. Hurtful comments - NOT!

and to every Granspal who responded with sensitivity to dear Galen's encounter with the woman next door. She is most certainly not a true friend.

kitty may I say that Wolfie appears to be totally in charge of the situation. So wise!

The parcel didn't cost quite as much as we'd feared. £16.62 to be tracked with Parcel Force. We are well chuffed.

Back a little later. Stuff to do before I can glue myself to the computer chair.

Lovely post Marelli

Thanks all. Don’t know what I’d do without you lot to boost my morale

Another one here who thinks your neighbour was being very unkind Galen. You say you’ve been friends for years. I can’t imagine anyone talking to a friend like that particularly one who is grieving for the loss of a child.
Lucy obviously had real issues to deal with and I doubt they had anything to do with you going to work or your daughter not going to visit her. Lucy could have contacted either of you for help if she had wanted it.
It must have been so hurtful for you to have had that barrage from someone who came to your house to tell you what she thought. I think it sounds more as though she has a (or many) problems of her own and is lashing out at you for some reason. No point in saying ignore her as she has obviously hurt your feelings greatly. Just try and keep out of her way for a while (maybe a long while).

I am glad you shouted at that insensitive neighbour , I would have bopped her , Galen you couldn't have done anything more for poor Lucy

Afternoon all !!

Peace and a level of sanity have retuned along with a healthy dose of sunshine !!

We thoroughly enjoyed the company of all the little boys but boy are we shattered now !
I'm just trying to catch up with everyone . Galen so sorry to hear of the rudeness and insensitivity of your neighbour. I suggest you tell her that unless she has walked a mile in your shoes she should shut up !!! I don't think you yelling at her went far enough , you should have clocked her with the frying pan...no court in the land would have found you guilty !!

Loved the picture of wolfie Kitty !!

I shall head off to read some more - back later !!

Galen, I am so sorry that Anne upset you. And, in the cold light of day she will realise that too. Do confide in Venetia, she would hate to think of you being upset. We all know the truth and so do you and your daughter. Talk to us too!

I think I remember correctly that Anne does have a problem but that is absolutely no excuse at all.

Bertie went to their own dentist this morning and the decision was made to leave well alone. And he behaved impeccably.

Nice to see you marelli.

Galen that woman Some people shouldn't be allowed near someone in mourning.
Glad you were angry with her.