Gransnet forums

Chat

Snowflake generation?

(104 Posts)
Grammaretto Mon 04-Feb-19 14:32:12

Maybe I should have put this on AIBU but I genuinely am interested in what you think.
I have had 2 youngish (mid 20 ish) volunteers staying and from day one they made it plain that they were
a) cold
b) didn't like our food.
So after a few days of this I suggested, (and had given them extra bedding) they should find somewhere else because having brought up a family who ate what was on their plate or went hungry, I was not prepared to compromise with these 2 .
They sounded surprised and one said that it was because her own DM had been forced to eat as a child that she in turn allowed her children total freedom.

Why is it we either react against our upbringing or repeat the conditioning with our own children. i.e.
What was good enough for me
I'll never inflict that on my own kids
Any views out there? These 2 have left and I am relieved.

Grammaretto Mon 04-Feb-19 16:55:28

Jalima1108 if you look carefully you'll notice that the places are all different. Some don't provide meals but give a food allowance.
The sites have been adopted or even hijacked in recent years by hostels and commercial holiday organisations which I dont think is fair.
At least at a home stay, which is what we are, you have your own room, and all meals provided though there's nothing to prevent you buying extra food.
But there's a time and place for these things and 1 think we will stop being hosts and become volunteers! Then we'll know who gets the best deal.

Jane10 Mon 04-Feb-19 16:51:30

As I've met Grammaretto I know she's not an unreasonable person at all. She's had years of experience with volunteers and these two must have come as a big shock if it led her to ask them to leave. Personality clash? Maybe. Better luck with your next volunteers Grammaretto!

Jalima1108 Mon 04-Feb-19 16:41:19

I've just had a quick glance at one of the sites in the link and at the offers for a farm stay in exchange for food and accommodation.

I must say that I think the hosts are getting a good deal out of this arrangement!
One Australian farm is expecting volunteers to prune fruit trees amongst other duties - hard physical work in exchange for a bed and dinner! And presumably volunteers have to pay for a flight themselves.
Nice if you can get a volunteer to do it as I think the minimum wage in Australia is A$23 an hour (plus holiday pay and pension).

shock

janeainsworth Mon 04-Feb-19 16:38:31

Sorry, but if I was going to work for you, I’d expect to be able to sit down at the end of the day either in your sitting room or in my bedroom wearing normal clothes and not feel cold.
I’d also not like it if I was expected to eat breakfast, if I wasn’t a ‘breakfast person’.

Surely you wouldn’t treat friends who came to stay with you in that way, would you?
Why are these young people who come to work for you any different?

MissAdventure Mon 04-Feb-19 16:05:40

grin

Grammaretto Mon 04-Feb-19 16:04:29

EllanVannin thanks for your input.
I guess I don't treat my helpers as guests but rather as co-workers. I expect them to offer to help and not sit back and be waited on. Most of them feel very welcome because we all like to be liked and to please others.
If these workers/travellers had wanted a holiday they could have stayed at a hotel or hostel - surely?
Maybe there's more of Basil Fawlty in me than I realised.

Grammaretto Mon 04-Feb-19 15:55:06

I am vegetarian . One of them was too, the other not. DH is an omnivore. We also have a lodger who is an omnivore but can't eat eggs..no I don't think I was unreasonable to despair. I should have put this on the other forum though.grin

It wasn't the not liking porridge, it was not eating breakfast and thus not eating all together at the start of the day.
I think they were rather difficult and as I get older I am looking for an easier life not a harder one.

EllanVannin Mon 04-Feb-19 15:48:10

I wouldn't either give or do anything that a guest/s wouldn't like. The idea is to make them welcome and feel welcome and not accept the rules of yours dating back to when " Adam was a lad ".

Grammaretto Mon 04-Feb-19 15:44:37

PECS You can look at it both ways. For them it is a cheap way to travel, practice their English, help hosts with their varied projects and stay with families rather than in hostels to experience the local way of life.
For the hosts you get some help often on a particular thing such as painting a room or building raised beds. Things we couldn't afford to pay professionals to do but the standards are variable. It's a bit like "bob-a-job". You might get a great result or you might, like what once happened to us, get your flower bed mown over because the helper didn't know it was a flower bed.

We have met some wonderful people from all over the world and often get returners so it can't be too bad. Nobody makes them stay.

Jalima1108 Mon 04-Feb-19 15:41:23

You're not their mum, if they don't want porridge they don't want porridge!!

DH and I eat it but nothing would persuade any of our DC to eat it.
One DGC will eat it, the others refuse point blank.

grannyactivist Mon 04-Feb-19 15:41:19

Forty years ago I would have thought of a vegetarian menu as being something different, but to be honest for at least the last twenty five years I've regarded vegetarian cooking as pretty mainstream and in an average week we only have three or four meals with meat/fish ourselves. Again, as nut allergies are now so prevalent I don't think of it as being too much of a problem - there are plenty of delicious vegetarian meals that don't include nuts. In fact two of my favourite meals are macaroni cheese and a lasagne made with puy lentils.

In my immediate family I have one vegan, two vegetarians, two with a dairy intolerance and one with a (life threatening) sesame allergy. I've never thought of them as fussy eaters - it's just the way it is.

Lily65 Mon 04-Feb-19 15:32:04

Imagine if young people wrote off a whole generation as miserable old you-know-whats!!

Jalima1108 Mon 04-Feb-19 15:31:03

I presume he told you about the nut allergy before he came.

Lily65 Mon 04-Feb-19 15:30:38

I guess maybe they could have sent an email to alert you to the fact that they were vegetarians? Its easy enough to cater for vegetarians, just your usual recipes minus the meat.

If the man had a nut allergy, so be it.
Porridge isn't for everybody, I'm not a fan myself. I suppose I would have provided a self service arrangement with a few options.

You don't sound like the hostess with the mostest tbh?

If I had people who were unhappy, I would pour them a nice drink and sit down and work something out.

Grammaretto Mon 04-Feb-19 15:23:55

They were not starved by any means but I could foresee that it wouldn't be easy to cater for them if they needed special food. He had a nut allergy. Neither ate fish, meat, or porridge wink

I had hoped to get some jobs done around the house and garden but had not expected to be worrying about these 2 fussy eaters, who weren't happy, for a month or more.

Jalima1108 Mon 04-Feb-19 15:23:30

One of my DC has rarely eaten breakfast since she was about 16, although I used to sometimes manage to get her to eat a banana.
Another DC employs a lot of young people on a seasonal basis - some are what some people may describe as 'snowflakes' but most are cheerful and hardworking.
Because they are paid well they don't have to be fed except for an occasional get-together.

However, if someone is getting work done in exchange for providing board and lodging then providing food they want to eat and warm accommodation is only fair imo.

Scotland in winter could be a shock to the system - where are they from?

grannyactivist Mon 04-Feb-19 15:23:17

I always ask up front if there is anything my guests don't eat and then prepare food accordingly. No-one has ever complained or gone hungry and I would feel very upset if I thought that they hadn't been well fed. As for the cold; I was melting in Cyprus last March when the locals were still wearing warm clothes and even overcoats, so it really is a matter of what people are used to. Again, I hate being cold so always ensure that my guests have extra bedding and even a heater for their room if they need one.

PECS Mon 04-Feb-19 15:22:06

Oh my! So they are cheap labour really! Finding a way to travel via a working holiday?

Tangerine Mon 04-Feb-19 15:16:07

I would not have said to you that I didn't like your food because I cannot believe that you would have served something unpalatable. I would have told you in advance if there was something that didn't agree with me or that I really disliked.

Regarding the cold, I tend to ask guests if they're warm enough when they come in the colder months and occasionally they've said "yes". I immediately put the heating up for them.

MissAdventure Mon 04-Feb-19 15:11:51

My mum used to regularly make us eat things we didn't like.
I wasn't so strict on my girl, but I know she wouldn't have said she didn't like something in someone else's house.

Grammaretto Mon 04-Feb-19 15:10:47

paddyann you are much more accommodating than me!
These 2 did tell me in advance what they really couldn't eat but it was the unexpected things such as they didn't eat breakfast. Now we start the day with porridge or at least something to keep you going and keep you warm.
Surely if you come to Scotland in January you expect cold.
Ofcourse I wouldn't force anyone to eat something they hate although I might suggest they try it.

PECS Mon 04-Feb-19 15:10:37

Maybe you need to let these volunteers see the menu before they come! I do not eat much fish at all and certainly no shellfish, DH does not eat cheese! We do not consider ourselves fussy as we are used to our quirks! But if we went to stay with someone who loved paella or lasagne one or other of us would go hungry!

Iam64 Mon 04-Feb-19 15:03:47

I find the term ‘snowflake generation’ an unpleasant and rather derogatory way to categorise an entire generation of young people.
Working in exchange for board and bed is one thing, being cold and possibly hungry is quite another.

PECS Mon 04-Feb-19 15:03:14

As a student way back in 1970 my friend and I were lodging with a woman whilst we did our first teaching practice in a rural school . (our college was in London ) The woman was not the warmest personality I have met. Our beds were adequate, but it was summer.
She was to provide breakfast and supper as part of the payment she received. We had 'salad' most evenings..a piece of lettuce, a tomato, slices of cucumber and maybe a hard boiled egg or slice of egg & ham pie with a few boiled potatoes. We were ravenous! However we were polite and did not complain. I cannot recall breakfast at all!
Grameretto were you providing meals free or was it paid for? That makes a bit of a difference.

What was it these girls did not eat? Most people will eat grilled chicken and potatoes or pizza and coleslaw or a bowl of tomato soup and a chunk of crusty bread. These were young adults , not children and likes dislike should have been respected up to a point. Hard to know how pernickety they were being to say if you were right to ask them to go.
Were they from overseas so British food was unfamiliar to their palette?

Grammaretto Mon 04-Feb-19 14:58:05

It's an organisation we are in. People work in exchange for bed and board so no money changes hands.
It usually works well and we've been hosts for years, but occasionally we come across someone whose values and customs are not compatible with ours.
I now feel I am very rigid but it is my house, my rules!
www.helpx.net
www.workaway.info