My lovely grand-daughter

Yes Muffin I agree! And when my sons were Uni students I did fork out a fair amount over time but couldn't afford what I give DGD. They both had part time jobs too and always drank beer in the Students Union bar, whereas madam goes to clubs with her friend and they drink cocktails and vodka!!

I think she's been out on the lash a few more times than her budget would stretch to, that's all.

I wouldn't worry.

Thanks again - some interesting replies. I suspect the money is going on food which of course is essential - she is vegan and doesn't eat a lot, but otherwise I think it's nights out, clubs drinks, take away and cab back to Uni and apparently that would blow a big hole in £100. She talks to me about what she's up to and recently said she only went out 1 night a week and 2 nights tops. Then she said she was well below average for nights so I asked what she did in Uni when she wasn't out and she knows me well enough to know that I'd be worrying she was all alone and so she said "Don't worry nan I only said well below average so you wouldn't worry! I didn't ask how many night.

Someone asked about rent when they are in a student house share next academic year and I've no idea. There was a grant for accommodation and living expenses until 2017 and then it got converted to a loan - it's £4,250 - have no idea how that works and whether sh'll be able to use some of it for rent and bills.

Arrange a visit which will fit in with her lectures and life and have a good chat about anything and everything, that's what I would do.
If she is having a problem managing suggest a part time job both my children worked thru Uni.
She will get to meet people from all works of life.
She will come out of Uni a different person, confident and ready to meet the world both mine did.

The start of term is often the most expensive time - new courses and a lot of costs need to be paid upfront - books, possibly bus passes, clubs etc need to be paid for and can be very expensive. Sometimes the loan/grant payments do not come through until a week or two after they start which added to Christmas spending can make January a very lean month

My dd started university last autumn - I said I would buy the compulsory books for her first term and ended up with a bill of almost £400. She also has a back problem and needs to swim regularly - the cheapest way of doing it is to buy a term pass but that costs £50.

Wow she is a lucky girl to have that spending money. I do think it's good for them to have some fun while young but also, they really need to be learning how to budget a bit. That is what leaving home is all about in my opinion.

She really needs to control her spending a bit now, as next autumn I assume she may move into a shared flat? Then there will be a lot more budgeting called for. Long term it's a kindness to make her start to live within her means.

How you approach that without getting her back up is the question. Maybe you could give the amount early this month but say, for her own good, that's the last time, and she must cut back a bit. Difficult.

Young people do need to learn to budget. And to get the work ethic..ie if I need money I need to work! Luckily my DDs were always able to get Saturday & holidav jobs. 13 yr old DGD is already planning where she would like to apply to work when she is old enough. It is an attitude that needs actively encouraging! nananina just asking her to do your ironing in the hols or similar as a payback for the extra payments demonstrates you are not the lottery!

But it has happened more than once already. The OP mentions that she has asked ‘occasionally’ and seems to be rightly concerned that a pattern is being set.

Jings! ‘ Teenager in Christmas Overspending Horror’

I’d be leaving it alone this time, and only re-think if it happens again.

My 19 year old at uni and also in halls budgets between €80-€100 pet week so I don't think €400 per month is excessive. She goes out a lot and that's fine by me, it's a phase and won't last for ever. She works hard on her course and I wouldn't want her to get a job because it would interfere with her studies.

If you and her parents are easily able to give her this allowance, I'd carry on and not worry too much. But don't be afraid to talk to her about how she budgets. I'm sure she's grateful and will not forget how you helped her. Out of interest, does her maintenance loan get eaten up by rent?

I would just say 'Sweetheart if I transfer it early aren’t you going to be in the same position this time next month? Is everything OK?'

*I'm worried about asking her as I don't want to upset her*;
Surprised at this, because you clearly are worried about her. She has been at university for less than 4 months and appears to be having trouble managing on what seems to be a generous allowance; the vodka cocktails, nights out and taxis home are probably the cause of lack of money, but I am assuming you don't intend to subsidise this.
Talk to her.

Buffybee student accommodation is cheap in Newcastle , partly because there is so much of it. Bikes are a great idea, but not all cities and Unis are that cycle friendly. Nights out are cheaper too, which is why so many hen and stag parties come here!

We have Twin Gd's in their 3rd year at Newcastle. The grants they receive just cover their Course Fees and Accommodation.
They are given £50 each per week and manage on that for food and nights out and both have bikes for travel.
First year they both had a job in a bar a couple of nights a week but their courses, Chemistry and Biology are so intense, they could not afford the time to work after the first year.
They say that there are many with more money than they have but I'm proud that they have managed, they both cook food from scratch and freeze portions, they buy few clothes and have a good social life with nights out on Student Nights where drinks are cheap and organizing party nights at their Student Houses.
They love it when I transfer the odd twenty quid their way and tell them to treat themselves and their trips home on the train are paid for.
I ask them what the students who have more money and yet are permanently broke spend it on and they say, eating out, take-aways, clothes, makeup and nights out.
To be fair, the cost of living is quite low in Newcastle so they probably wouldn't have found it quite so easy to manage in some others places.
I hope that this helps nananina but I would say that a hundred pounds per week was enough and your Gd has probably just overspent over Christmas.

Nannina, no need to apologise for your generosity, there are a few jealous posters on here. Of course you want to know that your GD will be able to afford a taxi home late at night.

A lot of posters are suggesting that your GD should get a part time job, but this will impact upon her time for studying. In an era when so many people go to university, it is essential to strive for a 1st or a 2.1, so she needs to invest the time in her course. One of my daughters is at Cambridge, where students are not allowed to work in term time as it may interfere with their studies, and I suspect that some other universities may have the same policy.

From experience, I think it’s a bad idea to fall into the habit of paying the allowance early. Apart from the fact that it’s poor preparation for the world of work (no advance wages on request then) it’s likely to encourage her to have a shortfall the following month when she’s going to have to make her allowance last longer because she’s had it early. And being a soft touch means that she might not try as hard as she should to spend her money wisely if she knows she can just tap granny’s bank. Been there, done that several times and currently trying very hard not to do it again. I know it’s hard to say no but I think it’s in her best interests. Just do it gently. If the £100 week is just for spending money I think it’s enough. As someone else has said in comparison a person of the same age on Universal Credit gets circa £55 to live on so getting £100 just to spend on themselves would be like heaven to them. Once she has to pay rent, utility bills, buy food and so on, budgeting is going to be essential so the sooner it starts the better in my opinion. Dote on them though we may, it’s really not in their best interests for things to come too easily.

Lily65 My GDG is 18 and why can't she be the love of my life - you don't know the background so hold your horses. OK others are the love of my life, my DH and my adult children and other grandchildren who I love dearly.

The rest of posters - thank you so much, I have read every post and intend to re-read. Lots of you say I should have a general chat about uni but we do that anyway and thinking about it I could mention money - thought of saying "did you maybe overspend at Christmas" - I have an excellent r/ship with her and she is very close to her mom and dad.

A part time job - yes I'll mention that but as many of you say if she doesn't need to, she won't be motivated. The girl in the room next door who is now her best friend does have a part time job and I'm sure others do too.

I was a bit shocked by the poster telling me what a night out could cost - drinks, payment to get in the club and cab back to uni. could cost £100! I know she goes out quite a lot and drinks vodka and cocktails. They don't leave these clubs till the early hours so to me it is imperative that she gets a cab with her friends.
^Gabriella* I'm not trying to buy love and I think it's unkind to say so.
Afraid i am the generous type and can't help myself. I am not rich at all but we both have good occupational pensions and SR pensions. I have always given my two sons money (they've never asked) and of course don't need it. I pay for my niece's phone bill and give her £100 pounds every few weks and bought her a new washing machine and tumbler dryer and I buy clothes for her children. My sister knits for charity and can't afford the wool so I make sure she has a good stash. Please don't think I'm some kind of mother Teresa, it's just that I enjoy giving and don't like presents.

Anyway thank you all again.

Why is a 20 year old the love of your life?

I think financing through university is one thing. Financing beyond that is something else.

I benefited from a virtually free university degree, no fees and a maintenance grant. I was expected to be self supporting once I graduated. When our DC went to uni, they did not pay fees, but did not get a maintenance grant so we gave them money to live on. Once or twice we bailed them out financially, but always insisted they repaid this money - and they did. They were expected to be self supporting once they graduated.

When DGC reach university age, I hope we can, with their parents ensure that they too come out of uni with as little debt as possible.

If the week to 10 days DC and families spent with us at Christmas and the time we already plan to spend together this year are anything to go by, far from

that kindness, if remembered, is short-lived in the memory of a good many of them when they go NC, or forget loans or any other financial kindnesses which have dug them out of pits.

supporting our children financially through uni, but with in a strict financial framework, of cut off points and loan repayment schedules that we insisted were stuck to, can lead to loving and happy family relations.

I can see the sense in what GabriellaG and some others are saying. Its difficult to know what to do.?

merlotgran
Mmm
I don't think that's always the case if some threads on here are to be believed.
How many parents and GPs have financed their children through uni and beyond adulthood and marriage, yet that kindness, if remembered, is short-lived in the memory of a good many of them when they go NC, or forget loans or any other financial kindnesses which have dug them out of pits.
Think about it. You can't buy love.

Pat1949
I totally agree.
That is the most sensible course to take, regardless of your income and willingness to underwrite their social life etc.

At the risk of sounding a horrible Mother/Gran, my own daughters had to find themselves a job. There is no way I would pay them a regular amount. Surely the whole point of growing up is learning to rely on yourself. My 3 daughters have never asked me to lend them any money and have learnt to stand on their own two feet.

Ask yourself the question, 'Would I cut her allowance if she was spending it on getting plastered or doing drugs?'
You are never going to know and asking her may not give you the truth.
You seem besotted to the point of being a tad blinded to the prospect that she may not be spending the cash as you wish.
She may lend some to mates or end up being sick outside a nightclub at 3am but is hardly going to tell you that.
She knows a soft touch when she sees it and, if you have no intention of reducing your benevolence, why ask us?
Your GD can always get a p/t job, which is what most students do.

In a general chat I always found it useful to ask...... What's the best bit, and what's the worst bit.