Short lived relationships & resulting babies

There are many different models of family behaviour. In Mosuo culture the women are free to have children with as many men as they choose and they don't live with any of them. It's called 'a walking marriage' - it's not promiscuous, it's normal.

Western culture has had a one man-one woman society as a result of religion and we can all see it just doesn't work for so many of us.

Now, as society changes, women have much more freedom and in my opinion that can only be a good thing.

It's terribly sad for all concerned and devastating if it involves suicide, when a family splits up - but until we learn to accept that humans need more than one model of normal, and stop judging and even punishing people for not conforming, there'll always be casualties.

I would certainly not advocate judgement about family make up but certainly we need to be sure that a key component of family life includes, as paramount, the physical & emotional well being of children. This would need parent/s to be emotionally secure too. Children are not our possessions to be used as: bargaining tools, to hurt others, accessories etc.

It's property that led to the one man one woman tradition in our culture.
I don't agree that it doesn't work either. Some marriages or life partnerships work very well and provide a great place for children and adults to thrive in.

coyocan that is a very outdated view of suicide and very blinkered. If you had ever known anyone driven to it you would feel differently. It is not a selfish act, it is the end result of someone being pushed beyond their capability. I am shocked that anyone could still make such a comment.

I have a friend who 'had to get married' and is still happily married after 53 years.

I feel rather sorry for these young women who don't seem to be aware of the consequences or who become pregnant because they fancy the idea of a baby and may get a flat as a result. They lose out on the support and company of a partner which I have enjoyed since I was 21. The freedom to have everything so easily is in some ways a trap.

You do seem to shift position Cocoayan. I am not just concerned about fathers. I am concerned about the whole family. And families can consist of many things and include many people. I was simply pointing out that it is impossible to generalise about situations and wrong to always blame the man. I think your views have been vastly influenced by your own situation which must have been awful for you. But not all men are violent and some just want to be good dads.

I quite agree. Along with the joy of sex is the responsibility of contraception. Some people want the pleasure but don't seem able to be grown up enough to take precautions.
Sadly we're probably preaching to the converted - those who need to heed the advice aren't listening.
Remember 'The L-shaped Room'? The doctor in the book asked the main character, 'Wasn't contraception romantic enough for you?' or words to that effect. A bit cruel but it could be termed 'hard talking'.

I do agree that women and men both should do everything possible to avoid unwanted pregnancies - I abhor the use of abortion as a method of contraception (and I know more than one woman who has had multiple abortions). However, even with careful contraception on both sides, pregnancies do occasionally occur and I would never blame a women for having an abortion in these circumstances or, for that matter, choosing to raise the child alone. I'm sure most of us agree that a child is best brought up within a committed relationship with two parents, unfortunately this is the real world and its not always possible.

I was reading a thread on Mumsnet about how teens used to spend their time before 'screens'. Lots of replies most referred to boys. I gave my version too, we were much more 'prim ' in those days, fear of the 'disgrace' of pregnancy.
I was a teen in the '50s and it struck me that women and girls had no control over pregnancy then, except for just saying no. I think men and boys had the 'sheath' as an option, I think that had been available for some time.
Then in the 60s for females came the 'cap' and the pill. But young girls still had to get parental consent at first.
I agree there does seem to be a swing back from sexual freedom.
Maybe also because of the spread of STDs and AIDS.

I have this situation, and did not seem my granddaughter for years. Happily, she is back in our lives now - a busy 8 year old