Veni et ego profectus sum rumpitur

I have sometimes wondered whether more contentious issues are posted by someone who for whatever reason is trying to stir things up - perhaps to draw more traffic, or to get quoted in the Mail, for example?
Apart from that, I ignore posts that seem odd and if I get a sharp response I tend to move on.

I also agree with SpringyChicken

Farmor15 I use this ? for when a like button isn’t available.

SpringyChicken Agree with your comments.

I agree SpringyChicken - but it was a very peculiar time on here with some very odd threads being started.

If we do ignore them, then it could be someone in genuine need, but some of them could then come back and it is obvious they are not.

As a relative newcomer( but long before Christmas) I am not aware enough of all the names to recognise if a poster is a newbie or not. If a thread becomes too vitriolic I just stop reading.

I am one who had a lot of time on my hands as my regular activities were all closed, DH was at home unwell needing frequent (but not excessive )attention, so I was unable to go out much or invite anyone here. I am on three different forums and this is the only one that got unpleasant.

some posters who seemed intent on starting a fight in an empty room and were only too ready to plead “bullying” or “unkind” when anybody questioned their assertions.

Very true, Maw. But this goes on on GN at any time. Can be accompanied by a noisy flounce off the thread so the nonsense can’t be challenged.

It really does my head in when a poster asks for feedback or opinions on a subject matter and then squeals that they're being bullied or respondents are being mean to them. And I remember that this was a frequent refrain from a poster over the Christmas period.

Very early on I was told by one OP to stop posting on “her” thread as I was just mean and nasty.
Hurt! ???????????

Maybe Chew ( including myself here) we should try to respond as we do in real life. I am much more unpleasant behind my keyboard.

Are you, oldbatty? It’d be interesting to know if that’s the norm or not. I wouldn’t say anything on here that I wouldn’t say to someone’s face.

I'm sorry to hear that oldbatty. Perhaps it's time to ditch the keyboard?
I hope I'm not unpleasant either irl or on here.

I was one who received oldbatty's forked tongue, so I know !

I think things can be misinterpreted without the nuances of speech and without being able to see facial expressions.
It could have been me who has unintentionally upset a returner, well, if it was me, then I didn't mean to.

Ellan, that is so horrible of you really. I don't have a forked tongue. You said ( feel free to check anybody) that the entire population of Iraq and Iran hate us UK citizens. This is clearly untrue.

Please explain yourself.

felice I hope all goes well with your operation on Wednesday.
There are other Gransnetters who've had this done so would it be worth searching for some old threads on the subject if you don't want to start another thread?

Good luck

You know what, I am me. I have one identity on here. I don't play games. There are some people on here and I don't know how they live with themselves.

I'm an absolute newbie and wasn't here at Christmas, so didn't see any of the post which hurt people but may I respectfully offer an insight into some human behaviour.

I went to stay with a friend (and her husband) whom I'd had known via letters and her brief visit to my house for over 10 years.

I could not believe how they insulted one another all the time and seemed to think it not only acceptable but funny.

They were incredibly negative in a way I just couldn't understand - but to them it was normal. And contrary as it may sound, obviously loved one another.

Downright nastiness is a different thing but if you come from a family (and there are many) who use this combative way of working, maybe you get desensitized?

My friend's husband, used to the way he and she worked, said quite a few things to me which had me on the verge of tears but when I told him how hurtful he was being, fell back wide-eyed and upset, 'What? What did I say?'

So when people post things here in a manner which seems sharp or harsh to us who do not live like that, maybe that's where they are coming from.

Surely we can decide what to read, how to respond, when to respond, when not to respond, when to chip in, when to support, when to raise our eyes, when to shout at a post and when to add our thoughts. That is the whole point of gransnet surely, no need to flounce off or openly protest, just take a second before you tap the keyboard and decide whether you want to deal with any feedback, good or bad. Enjoy the company, despair at some obvious idiots vying for attention and take the bits out that make you think and smile, it is a great way to be involved in an articulate thought proving and witty forum. Enjoy.

Provoking sorry not proving

This thread will probably end up in arguments..
New year, clean slate..

Exactly, Menopaws. It's not one size fits all when dealing with unknown posters. I will often err on the side of caution and ignore an OP from the start or I might make one supportive (or not) comment and see how the land lies. If I decide it's a waste of time I just leave it. There's no need to flounce in a flurry of indignation because it just takes the thread in another direction but then maybe that's the intention?

Miss A , its so mean what EV said. Of course, I've got it now, people can be nasty with impunity. Over and Out.

Hi BradfordLass , welcome! Interesting post !

I do wonder though , sometimes I have found that when people say ‘What, what did I say’ - it’s a bit faked - a bit pretending to be guileless. A kind of way of pretending not to offend when actually they said exactly what they meant.

So you could be right and it’s just natural to a poster or ...I could be right and they mean exactly what they say , but it’s easier to do it from the anonymity of hiding behind a keyboard.

I would love your explanation to be right though .

Springychicken spot on ?

oldbatty don’t take it to heart. As a well-known former member once remarked, it’s only an internet forum.

My first post on GN (about 5 years ago) expressed my sorrow and guilt over the death of a friend who had played an important part in my life. I was received with nothing but kindness and compassion I’m so pleased people weren’t suspicious of new posters back then while also saddened and disappointed in myself knowing I have held back from responding to someone new ‘just in case’.