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Mind the gap!

(28 Posts)
Mamissimo Tue 01-Jan-19 10:23:23

Happy New Year! I’ve learned that my DD is expecting again in the summer and while I’m delighted I’m also concerned for her because her first baby is only 9 months old. Luckily they are financially secure and she has a lovely supportive husband.

I had twins and then a nine year gap before my DS surprised us - did you have a big gap or do you think “getting it over with” is the way to go?

kittylester Tue 01-Jan-19 10:32:15

I had 3 under the age of 40 months but I don't remember much about it!!grin

Two of my DDs also had babies very close together and they are all fine. Please don't worry!

annsixty Tue 01-Jan-19 10:45:17

One of my friends has a S and DIL whose 2 children are 13 months apart.
They have grown up so close and are each others best friends.
I had four and a half years between my 2 and that is too long.
Congratulations to your D and her H and to you.
My GC days are over ?

mumofmadboys Tue 01-Jan-19 10:55:34

I had 5 children under 9 and a quarter and it was chaos! I loved every minute of it ( well nearly!) Your DD will be fine Mamissimo I'm sure.

petra Tue 01-Jan-19 11:01:14

My sister in law had 2 children in just under a year, she was fine.

MawBroon Tue 01-Jan-19 11:03:37

Congratulations to you all!
Yes it will be hard work but the siblings will be that much closer.
If it is indeed a singleton? gringrin
My DD had 18 months between the boys and then nearly 3 years before her little girl who, try as she will, can’t keep up with her brothers in achievement or sport. I feel quite sorry for her.
Mind you I had 2 years between DD1 and DD2 and then 3 1/2 years before DD3 and she has never appeared “left out”
Sibling dynamics are a mystery and sometimes a bit of a minefield!

kittylester Tue 01-Jan-19 11:05:54

I have a friend who has twin sisters who are just 11 months younger than her.shock

glammanana Tue 01-Jan-19 11:11:58

My eldest two DGSs are 12mths apart and grew up so close they are still best of friends at 27 & 28.

mumofmadboys Tue 01-Jan-19 11:20:35

That is lovely glammanana

aggie Tue 01-Jan-19 11:23:51

15 months between my first two , then 3rd came 14 months later came no 3 , 2 1/2 years later came no 4 and she was 8 when 5 decided to join the fun , of course 16 months later no 6 !
they all get on well , but no4 feels she doesn't fit with either the older or younger siblings , the 2 youngest are best pals with everyone but feel their oldest siblings are more like parents !
I feel the shorter gap , while hard work is better in the long run , there have been baby spats and fall outs but nothing major since they all grew up

aggie Tue 01-Jan-19 11:24:51

Sorry should have said Congratulations smile

Yiayia4 Tue 01-Jan-19 11:31:28

My eldest was two then I had twins they are all very close.Congratulations Glammanana

Buffybee Tue 01-Jan-19 11:34:14

Dd had twin girls and then ten years later a boy.
His big Sisters adored him and I suppose he has been doted on by all of us.
It hasn't spoiled him though, he's a very secure, happy and caring child.
The twins are very close and best friends and when with their Mum all look like Sisters.
I think all family dynamics work out, some way or other.

tanith Tue 01-Jan-19 11:35:22

My eldest GD had two boys 11 mths apart and now is expecting a third 2 yrs on. Hard work for sure, one of my sisters had 5 under 6 absolutely bonkers but she and they survived.
I had a 5 yr and 3 yr gap between my three.

FlexibleFriend Tue 01-Jan-19 12:01:51

I have 2 boys with a planned eight year gap, they've always got on fine and the age gap also gave them individual attention.

Maggiemaybe Tue 01-Jan-19 12:12:18

Congratulations, Mamissimo, exciting times for you all!

I’d three under 4 and would do it all again in a heartbeat. smile

ginny Tue 01-Jan-19 12:49:57

Three girls. Gap of 2 years 9 months between 1st an second a gap of 3 1/2 years between 2 nd and 3rd. No particular problems when they were young although it was busy but fun. They have always got along and now in their 30s and the eldest at nearly 41 the are all great friends who are happy to spend time together. I don’t think age gaps matter . All relationships are different and family life can be hectic .
I’ m not keen on the thought ‘have them close and get it all over with’. What exactly is ‘it’ and if you see it as a big chore why bother in the first place.

Menopaws Tue 01-Jan-19 13:08:32

Three under three. Chaos but didn't want big gaps, all in nappies, all having naps, all having tantrums, but all learning together and teaching each other and their various stages all merged together. Now they are very close and once each stage done I didn't have to do it again from scratch. No time for rivalry or special attention, they all got all my attention all the time but after five years I had three true little well adjusted kiddies. Yes there were problems sometimes but I loved it that way.

SueDonim Tue 01-Jan-19 13:31:46

Congratulations on the expected new GC!

I have big gaps between mine - two decades between first and last but I wouldn't change a thing. They all get on well.

One of my nieces had four under four, with surprise twins bringing up the rear! They're a lovely family.

A former neighbour had three under 14mths, I'm not sure I could have coped with that.

Gagagran Tue 01-Jan-19 13:56:02

I lost my first baby but had DS 17 months later and DD 18 months after that. I thought the age gap was ideal as I was sandwiched between 2 brothers, one 6 years older and one 7 years younger, with 2 older sisters, 9 and 11 years older.

I do think big gaps are not good for close knit sibling relations. My two are very close as are their children who were all born in a 4 year period.

Greyduster Tue 01-Jan-19 14:57:56

Three years and nine months between my two. My son was a real handful in his early years, and soldier DH was not always on hand to take up the slack, but by the time DD came along our family life had settled down a bit. They have never been the best of friends and I don’t think they ever will be, but at least they have each other to fall back on. My GS is an only, and I hate the thought of it.

SueDonim Tue 01-Jan-19 15:16:59

Sorry, Gagagran but I disagree that big age gaps are not good for close sibling relationships. My four are pretty close-knit, though the least 'involved' one is in fact the closest in age to a sibling.

I've also never been close to my nearest sibling (2 years younger) whereas I have always got on with my other siblings, 5 & 8 years older.

My younger brother doesn't have any contact with any of us now. There have been no rows or arguments that I'm aware of, he just doesn't seem interested in anyone.

Anja Tue 01-Jan-19 15:17:16

Fourteen months between my two. The first, a girl was 5 months when I found out I was expecting my son. Not a problem. Still very close and best of buddies.

chicken Tue 01-Jan-19 16:00:04

My aunt had two girls just 10 months apart. They were brought up as twins and were devoted to each other.

When I was a young mum with three in four years, there was another mum nearby who had three sets of twins and a singleton under five years.

Marmight Tue 01-Jan-19 16:05:15

DD1 had endometriosis and had trouble becoming pregnant, then suddenly like buses, 2 came along very rapidly with a 15 month gap. Hard work, but now they're 7 & 8 they're great fun and, most of the time, the best of pals. I had 3 and 4 years between mine by choice. Ideal gaps in my opinion.