The Minister for Loneliness shares her thoughts.....

Last time I was abroad with my mother was before I was a teenager.

At a toilet stop on a day trip, she snatched my bag off me with my money, bus tickets and passport in it, slapped me in the mouth, said she wished I was dead, and ordered the rest of the family back on the bus without me.

Luckily it was a town, albeit a small one, and I managed to locate the French consulate (inadequate Spanish on account of being only eleven), explain haltingly what had happened, and plead for the bus fare back to the resort. I will remain eternally grateful for the sad faced guy with the flawless English who reached into his wallet for the change, gave me a tourist map and explained the way back to the resort, because by god was I stuck.

Returned to the apartment in darkness, knocked on the door, dad let me in and shrugged and said “I expected you would figure out how to get back.” You arse, you let the crazy woman leave me an hour away in a foreign country with no money or documents or tickets and you just went along with it??

There is no way on earth I will ever leave the country with either of that pair again, let alone with my beloved children on the trip. God knows what might happen.

Years ago lemon no one was on zero hours contracts, because there were proper jobs. Pretending that it's OK to make people work under such conditions or that it doesn't impact on families is rubbish. Did you see the figures? More women on zero hours contracts than in proper jobs? How does that help?

I now have a longing to see Outside Edge with Mims and Roger.

That's terrible Muffin what dysfunctional parents you had, you did so well to get back unharmed. I should think you treasure your own children now.
The Minister for Loneliness like a lot of her ilk has no idea how ordinary people live their lives. Unlike some other countries the UK no longer has a tradition of families caring for their elderly relatives.

I wonder if her words have been twisted.

It IS worth looking at countries where less loneliness is reported and seeing what they do differently.

Not in the simplistic way it has been reported though.

People need TIME to care about others.

I think its disgusting that non emergency/key workers now have to work Sundays, bank holidays, Christmas etc. That should be time when families are freed up to call in on neighbours or relatives but the reality is that parents are tag-teaming, working opposite each other, so there is no day of the week when everyone is free to arrange visits or have visitors etc

A lot of elderly people alone can barely manage everyday things.
This minister should log into a carers site (and here!) to read of peoples struggles, including carers!

The sooner we all realise that these ministers for this that and the other are all failing miserably, the better.

Last week we had the useless minister for aviation over the drone debacle then news yesterday telling Sajid Javid to " get a grip " on immigration and now we have this interfering minister for loneliness who knows nothing.

Can someone tell me why we need these " non-jobs " and how much are they earning for doing nothing ?

I can fully understand why John Cleese brought about the minister for " silly walks " in his skit all those years ago.
Things haven't changed have they ?

Loneliness is not caused by being alone. It's caused by being unneeded. Sharing holidays as an unwanted adjunct of the younger family isn't many people's idea of a good time.

This seems to be another instance of the Nanny state in action. My children both seem to be quite keen on us going on holiday with theirs respective families, but these days it is exhausting, as this year with DD and hers. Then when my son suggested we have a week with them this coming year I asked where he had in mind. “I thought we might walk Hadrian’s Wall. Would you like that?” Well no, actually, not these days! There is either method in their madness or they simply don’t want to recognise that we are slowing down! ?. I would rather that both families answered their phones a bit more often when we call them rather than cart us off on holiday with them.

FFS it was just a suggestion. They have to start somewhere. Are old people the property of the state? Do all old people have no resources or personal pride? Do families have no responsibility? Not every older person is lonely. No one solution will suit everyone. The suggestion of family holidays is a start. It works well for lots of people.

Well said Jane!

Help with mobility is generally needed perhaps in the form of cycle tracks that are accessible also to mobility scooters. I'd also like there to be sort of venue similar to a pub where opening hours are a lot longer than the usual one or two hour slot at a church hall on one specified day per week.

Now that 'the high street' is defunct local neighbourhood shopping areas will reappear and those could include an elderly-friendly pub.

It isn’t really trying very hard to suggest something obvious and expect people to say, ‘Oh, yes, that’s a good idea. Why didn’t I think of that?’.
People in their 80s are criticised when they continue to drive their cars and their bus services are cut, as are their day centres. Restoring funding to these services would do much to restore independence, and be a lot more use than hectoring the rest of the family.

Three weeks in France under canvas ? Not on your nellie !! I have had Family holidays when it was my Children , we never took our parents !

Perhaps Gransnet should invite Mim Davies to a live discussion

That's a great idea, Mamissimo. We could have a few of the others in as well to discuss issues that affect us.

That would be my idea of hell too aggie give me a luxury hotel any time.

Loneliness is not caused by being alone. It's caused by being unneeded

Bingo!
You can feel lonelier in a crowd than alone.
Its about your place/purpose in the dynamic of a group. If you feel "tagged on" to a group it can feel very lonely

Elderly people dont want to be the "responsibility" of the community, or young people, or their family.

They want to be enabled to have a ROLE WITHIN the community or their family & be valued, not pitied and patronised

Exactly notanan2

So true notanan,

My father is 90 and while the idea of taking him on a little holiday with us has some appeal, the practicalities are difficult. Toilet issues are a nightmare now and we find he's unwell or confused if he's away from his own house for too long. He can't cope with disruption to his routine.
It's a hard one ..... Balancing what you feel you want to do with what is possible.

God save us from pious and patronising ministerial pronouncements!

Some GPs will enjoy extended family hols, some would run a mile from having young Gdcs around non stop for a week or more - no matter how much they love them. Plenty will want to do their own, entirely adult thing. So much will depend on the individuals/family dynamics, etc.

This is entirely on a par with whichever pious minister it was, saying how nasty we in the U.K. are, to put our elderly in care homes, when 'in other countries' people look after their own. (Which is in any case far from invariably true.)

I used to just 'love it' ha ha when some pious government git with zero experience of looking after someone with dementia 24/7, would tell me what I 'ought to' be doing.

I have one elderly neighbour who sold her house a few years back. She has a retirement flat which she really loves, nice neighbours to chat too and the shops are just round the corner. I saw her just before Christmas and she was going to stay with her daughter in Gloucester. She’s a very friendly person and always chats to people and always out and about. I really admire her she lost her husband a while back but has made a life for herself.

It depends on the personalities involved, surely? My late MIL was taken on holiday, largely against her will, by her bolshie oldest son. I expect he appreciated her free baby-sitting. She found it an ordeal and hated every minute of it. Mind you, they didn't get on at the the best of times but that's another story.

I think younger families can be very insuler these days. Perhaps it was always so. I don't think so though. They can afford more holidays and outings than was the case in the past. We get the photos sent on messenger which, although lovely, can make you feel a bit left out.

I think it's a good thing to have this Ministry. Loneliness amongst the elderly is a fact.

Grannyknot, a place like a Greek island, where extended families probably live close to each other, is a very different situation from many of us in the U.K., where families are so often scattered, and the women of the middle generation so often still need to work to pay the bills.
Comparisons in such cases are pointless.

Let's not forget, also, that so much elderly care, whether own parents or in-laws, so often falls on the woman of the family, because the male either 'can't' or won't, because its 'wife-work'.
Being familiar with Greece (and I do love it) I wouldn't mind betting that in many such Greek communities, the men who are no,longer working will be sitting in the cafe half the day while the women are getting on with it all.