My son is 32 and since he was a teenager he has used me as his punchbag - emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically.
His dad and I separated when he was 2, exH had him and his younger brother EOW, took them on holiday and alternative Christmas's. When Ds was 10 exH married a woman with two dc, a boy of 9 and a girl of 6. Ds took an instant dislike to the boy and was very jealous of him, he was mean and bullied him. This caused a lot of problems for exH and his wife, understandably.
When DS was 13 his dad moved 200 miles away and he refused to have anything to do with his dad from them on.
This is when the trouble started, he took all his anger out on me, would steal from me, got in trouble with the police, truanted from school and started taking drugs. Life was hell, we understood he was hurting and tried to get him to see two different counsellors but he went a few times then stopped.
When he was 18 he went to live with my sister who could see how desperate we all were, he was abusive to her too and left after 6 months to move in with his girlfriend.
I have supported him financially and practically over the years in many ways but it was never enough, there was a cycle of him coming in and out of our lives, demanding money which sometimes we would help him out but the minute we said we couldn't give any more he would become abusive and we would go NC. He never gave anything to me in way of making an effort in our relationship but just expected everything from me. He is never wrong, it's always my fault. I think he actually hates me.
After a year of not speaking he got in touch 12 months ago, he is in a relationship with a woman that has a child who is 5 and they have their own dc who is just over one.
I was very hesitant to get involved initially because of his previous behaviour but tried because of my grandchild. Things had been going well but they started to expect a lot from me in the way of buying the dc things and babysitting. I think they only got in touch because they have no other support from either side of their families.
Ds recently asked me to have the baby full time when his GF goes back to work and to pick up the child from school every day. Which I think is a lot to take on. I said that I could do one day but not the rest. He became very abusive and said once again I didn't care enough about him, we had a huge row which eventually ended in him saying that I wouldn't be seeing him or my GC again.
Neither of us have been in touch for two weeks now.
I feel like he is blackmailing me into. I don't look after my other sons child while they're at work so it isn't like I'm treating one dc differently.
Has anyone been in a situation like this?
