Have you ever?

Amethyst that happened to me too - one of the Dr Scholes wooden type. They had to move the train a few feet so it could be rescued - my sons were so embarrassed and still talk about it now

The train stories reminded me of the time when I was leaping onto to a train at busy Birmingham New Street Station. One of my shoes fell off and landed on the track underneath the train.
The train had to be held up while a guard climbed down carefully between train and platform and retrieved my shoe for me.

When I was a Special Constable I was on foot patrol with a colleague/ friend. As we walked I got both feet tangled in some of the thick ' banding ' used to secure parcels that a delivery man had just dropped on the footpath. I started to fall but staggered on for yards. In those days we wore bowler hats I had one hand flailing through the air the other holding my hat as I tripped and stumbled along. The car driving towards me nearly crashed into parked vehicles the driver was laughing so much. Eventually I could resist gravity no more and ended up turning 180 degrees and sitting on my bum. My friend who had been oblivious to all this looked and said ' What are you doing ? ' I couldn't stop myself and replied ' I was tired and fancied a sit down '

I was a teacher in a boys’ secondary modern in the 70’s. One of my eye teeth died suddenly and my dentist inserted a temporary cap. At the start of a lesson, I drew in a big breath to get the unruly class to settle down. At the first booming “Be ...” the tooth flew out and shot across the room...!

On the last busy train of the night, I needed a wee and went to the toilet. Push button opened the door and i closed it. I had never used the train loo before. I was quietly doing my business when , low and behold the toilet door silently slid open exposing me to the whole carriage and the traumatised face if the young lad who needed a wee !!!! Thankfully I’d had a few wines so my embarrassment quickly turned to a huge smiley grin and an overly cheery “oh, hello” ?? while I tried to reach for the button to close the door. The young guy st this point was decidedly mute and frozen to the spot. I concluded my business, washed my hands whilst deciding how to exit. Pressed the button, held my head up high and walked back to my seat to tell my friend who’d been oblivious to the whole thing !!!! See, I presumed the door would lock automatically when the toilet was occupied. Be warned, it doesn’t ??

One summer we planted carrots in a sawn off plastic drum, with the top of the soil a foot or so from the rim. One day, while backing up with a wheelbarrow, I somehow fell backwards onto it, and therefore into it. Bottom was on the seedlings, knees over the rim, which was sharp plastic. I mulled over the situation for a long, long time. I could either wait for DH to get home from work after several hours, or manoeuvre my way out. Eventually I reached out and pulled the wheelbarrow handle where I could lean on it, and slowly edged out, leaving a sore red stripe every few inches down the back of my thigh, where the plastic had tried to cut in. I was not amused, but DH ought it was hilarious, which didn't help my need for sympathy

when i first arrived in London, some 39 years ago, I got on to the platform at Baker Street Station just as the doors were about to close. I made a leap onto the train but my shoulder bag, which I was wearing cross body, didn't. It catapulted me back to the door like Captain Weird from the Andy Williams Show. I was killing myself laughing at the spectacle and looked up to see stony faces all around. Welcome to London!

Well as this is about buses I'll relate something I did to my poor mum when i was a teenager. My friends and I were already on the bus when I saw mum get on and sit at the front. I crept up behind her and started fiddling with her hair. She was too embarrassed to turn around.

Another true story happened to a friend. She got on a bus in London with her large dog which stayed under her seat. Someone let her know that something was wrong with the dog. Indeed it was, the dog was giving birth to pups!

Many years ago when living in a large house I saw and ordered a large Christmas tree at the local fruit and veg shop. Delivery went well and it was left in the hall.Being impatient I proceeded to move it into the lounge by dragging it backwards along the floor and decided to lean it against the patio windows pro-tem--------but being behind it and supporting it I'd trapped myself against the window with the tree on top of me. I couldn't move and was pinned against the window until I heard my D shouting me. Between the pair of us we extricated the tree with its sharp needles from my person and just sat and laughed. That'll teach you to be impatient mother !

This is quite wonderful. Maggiemaybe's Roman bus escapade is still tops by far. Can't keep the grin off my face or the chuckle from my heart. Thank you so much for sharing. C'mon ladies; bring on the rest. Lizzypb, I'm sorry if you're still in pain but you are guilty of painting one very comedically graphic picture of your event.

These are so funny. I too have had that moment on the bus when it jerked forward and I ran with it.

I've known my husband since we were children and have heard several of his Micheal Crawford moments. As an army cadet he was on night patrol with a mock rifle in the middle of nowhere - he heard a noise and instinctively fired the gun. A body fell out of the tree in front of him! Totally horrified he obviously thought he'd shot someone - it was his friend tricking him.

Another time he was hiding waiting for same friend to walk past, thought he saw him and jumped out onto his back. It wasn't - he slid down the guy's back and apologised profusely before slinking off totally mortified!

It's so nice to cry with laughter on a Monday morning! ?

PaddyAnn's story exactly, but substitute tooth problem with a badly infected ulcer on my fanny and the examining student doctor was... yes, you've guessed it.

When I was busy stowing a week's groceries in my car, I put the tomatoes on the roof (for a reason that escapes me now) while I looked out my car keys. I then forgot all about them and drove off - only to look in my rear view mirror and see a cascade of tumbling tomatoes following me as I drove off down the road!

This btw was more than a fortnight ago and my poor elbow is still sore ? I have a photo of my arm on the injury peas but they seem to have removed the option to post it...

this happened many years ago. I accompanied a friend and her 3 yr old D to the hospital where the friend had to go weekly for iron injections. Her daughter insisted on going into the cubicle with her Mum. On the way home on a very full London bus (when we still had bus conductors) my friend and I were sitting opposite each other on the long seats when her daughter said, in a very clear, loud voice, 'Mummy, why did you take your knickers off and let that man stick his thing in your bottom'? The whole bus went silent. Because my friend did not ans straight away the child repeated the question. Eventually she found her voice and said 'That man was a doctor and that thing was an injection', the whole bus breathed a sigh of relief, the conductor walked past and said 'Cor, that was a relief love'. Still makes me laugh after all these years.

I was on my honeymoon in France, in a very posh restaurant. I accidentally rested my elbow on the corner of the wooden cheeseboard and a whole red Edam rose up, shot over my shoulder and rolled along the floor to the great amusement of other diners. My face was as red as the cheese!

I think I described this on another thread but here goes again:
I decided to empty the compost caddy into the outside compost bin. I slipped my walking boots on but, since it's only a short distance on a flagstone path, I didn't bother doing up the laces. A loop from one boot caught in a hook on the other and my feet were thus tied together. Down I went onto flagstones and gravel, bashing my elbow and hip and wrenching my neck. The vegetable peelings, egg shells, coffee grounds etc. were scattered to the four winds but had to be picked up there and then to prevent my dogs from eating them! Out came the frozen, 'injury peas ' when I was finally back indoors. There was no one to witness my embarrassment but someone did ask me later if I'd been drunk at the time! Cheek!

A friend of mine went to an ice skating rink in Canada, the toilets were on the edge of the rink to enable people to go without removing skates. The toilet had no lock so she decided to hang on the coat hook with one had to hold the door shut, all fine whilst she pulled her trousers and pants down, however it all went to pot when she went to sit down, picture the sight as the door swung slowly open with my friend still hanging on the hook, swinging her out with her rear end facing outwards..........

Some years ago teenage daughter was walking to the station along a busy road and was feeling pretty chuffed about the number of toots and cheers she received. Queueing for her train ticket the woman behind her discretely mentioned that her skirt was tucked into her pantyhose. ?

Unless you're slim (even then, they're totally useless and uncomfortable) a thong looks like cheese wire cutting through blancmange.

Not my Michael Crawford moment but I was benind her watching it unfold.
We had travelled by motor-rail to Avignon and they bussed us from the station to the marshalling yard to collect the car. My sister stood up and left her seat but had her arms full of overnight bag and coolbag. Her tie waist, linen cropped trousers slowly descended to her ankles in full view of the entire bus.

What an excellent start to the day!
As a retired teacher, I do identify with eazybee 's story.
Being unable to resist the temptation to 'reinforce the point' and the thought of the children willing themselves not to laugh!!

I was 15 and running across a busy road to catch a bus. My boyfriend was ahead of me and neatly vaulted over the double railings lining the pavement. I couldn't vault like he did, but I put one hand on the top railing, leaned over and put other hand on lower one and kicked my legs over. Only I didn't take into account the long handled shoulder bag I was wearing on my right shoulder. It whipped round between the railings and round my neck twice, securing me firmly. My boyfriend collapsed in a heap of laughter while I tried in vain to extricate myself, finally being freed by a passing stranger who was struggling to contain his laughter

These are wonderful, really made me laugh I find when I fall I m almost up before I reach the ground looking to see if anyone has noticed ???