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Manners used to maketh man =- but not any more!

(29 Posts)
b1zzle Tue 18-Sept-18 15:21:30

Whatever happened to manners? I was in Poundland trying to persuade three small bags of compost into my shopping trolley (an almost impossible task on my own) and I longed for a voice behind me to say 'May I help you?' - but nothing. No one offers help any more, do they? What are they afraid of? We also seem to have lost the art of queuing, too - and don't get me started about people who walk along the pavement staring at their phones and walk straight into you!

Bridgeit Tue 18-Sept-18 16:04:29

I sorry to read no one helped you blzzle, I certainly would have, people seem so wrapped up in what they are doing they seem oblivious to what is going on around them. I like to think that if you had asked for help, someone would have.
Face to face interaction seems to be becoming extinct, sometimes it just takes one person to make a move & others join in, if it happens again ask someone to lend a hand ,you may be pleasantly surprised ??best wishes

Missfoodlove Tue 18-Sept-18 16:06:14

I drummed it into my three AC as they were growing up.
My sons would never let a lady carry anything heavy or stand on a tube etc.
My daughter writes the most lovely thank you letters and none of them would ever spit in the street, throw litter, swear in public or stand with their hands in their pockets. They can hold a knife and fork properly and have impeccable table manners
They would moan and groan as they were teenagers as I pulled them up on bad manners.
We told them that manners were as important as good exam grades.
It is nothing to do with class everybody is capable of good manners.
Schools and parents should put more emphasis on manners and etiquette.
All the degrees and A stars in the world are fairly useless if you’re a lout.

sodapop Tue 18-Sept-18 16:07:41

My husband always offers to help if he sees people struggling. It's not appreciated every time though.

millymouge Tue 18-Sept-18 16:18:22

DH and I were trying to load a large bag of compost into the boot of the car after we bought it. Dropped it and had a fit of the giggles before trying again. A young lady came over, looked as a if gust of wind would blow her over, and said "let me do that for you" and before DH could say he thought it would be much too heavy for her, picked it up and popped it in the car. We thought it was so kind of her, but made us both feel very old.

merlotgran Tue 18-Sept-18 16:28:46

DH once helped a woman load three bags of compost into the boot of her car outside Aldi while I was still inside paying for our groceries. The checkout girl had seen him with me but after looking through the window she thought he was shoplifting as I hadn't paid for any compost. She must have thought it was our car.

We had to ask the woman to go back in and show them the receipt or I don't think I'd have been allowed to leave. shock grin

Charleygirl Tue 18-Sept-18 16:34:46

I bought a mattress topper in Dunelm Mill last week. It was so much heavier than my present one that I was dragging it to the till. A young man on the staff came to help me, lifted it on to the counter, I paid and he carried it to my car for me. I would have managed eventually but the help was gratefully received.

lemongrove Tue 18-Sept-18 18:04:06

Dunelm staff are generally very helpful and friendly, at least the one I frequent.
I always offer to help anyone who looks as if they need it,of any age, including young Mums.

JudyJudy12 Tue 18-Sept-18 18:48:54

I think people sometimes are wary of offering help as they will be accused of being ageist or sexist. I witnessed it recently when an older lady, not elderly or frail, was offered a seat on the tube. She answered "what a cheek I am quite capable of standing".

Jalima1108 Tue 18-Sept-18 19:47:21

We've always found shop assistants etc most helpful. DH is more likely to say 'No thank you, I can manage' whereas I accept help gratefully.

Jalima1108 Tue 18-Sept-18 19:48:18

A nice young man carried my suitcase up the stairs at an airport - in fact I have met one or two nice young men that way smile
I must look old and incapable.

MawBroon Tue 18-Sept-18 20:27:30

Isn’t it ironic Jalima all those nice young men - where were they when we were their age? sad

annodomini Tue 18-Sept-18 21:12:34

When I've been travelling recently whether by air or by train, I have had a lot of help from other passengers, not always by young men; young women are also helpful and considerate.
No complaints from me.

Eloethan Tue 18-Sept-18 21:30:44

There are some thoughtless, self-centred people but I think, on balance, most people offer help and support if they can see it is needed. Perhaps in this particular instance people were more wary of approaching to offer help. It is often in situations like the one described in the OP that offering help is used as a diversionary tactic to steal someone's belongings.

We recently had quite a long thread containing gransnetters' accounts of situations where people had gone out of their way to be helpful.

Melanieeastanglia Tue 18-Sept-18 22:32:30

I think people are sometimes afraid to offer help because they think they will be accused of being patronising.

I do know what you mean though about manners in general.

If ever I ask anyone to help me, I find people respond positively. It isn't something I do very often as I prefer to be independent.

Jalima1108 Tue 18-Sept-18 22:35:53

Isn’t it ironic Jalima all those nice young men - where were they when we were their age?
smile
I like to think that DS would be there to offer help to old women in need grin
He's had plenty of practice with his old mother.

Deedaa Tue 18-Sept-18 22:41:34

Twice recently when I've bought heavy boxes of cat food in Aldi I've had nice men rushing over to help me with them.

absent Wed 19-Sept-18 06:10:24

When I first visited New Zealand over 20 years ago it felt like stepping back into the 1950s from the point of view of good manners and general friendliness. No litter in the streets, children were polite – it they ran across your feet they would stop to say sorry, even teenagers, polite greetings and real helpfulness in shops and so on. It may not have been like that in the major cities, such as Auckland, but it certainly was in smaller places.

I live here now and people are generally still polite. Lots of them wish you "good morning" as we pass in the street and my grandchildren's friends are always full of please and thank you when they come to my house. I have also never been in a place where I was struggling with something heavy without someone younger and stronger rushing over to help me. But it has changed. I notice rubbish strewn about that I never saw before. Of course, my grandchildren have been taught not to drop rubbish but to put it into a bin or give it to the grown-up with them to throw away later. When the now six-year-old was younger, he would get very irate, pointing out plastic bags dumped in the nearby school field or sweet wrappers on the pavement. Now his three-year-old brother does the same. I have recently noticed with this younger one that please and thank you are happening automatically without needing a reminder. We need to continue and our children to whom we taught good manners and consideration need to continue to pass on the message.

Oldwoman70 Wed 19-Sept-18 07:38:18

I am quite tall and often help people get something from high shelves in supermarkets (especially the top shelf of the freezer cabinets!) I think most people will offer to help if they see someone struggling - perhaps the OP was just unlucky

ninathenana Wed 19-Sept-18 08:24:11

Oldwoman can you come shopping with me please smile

I frequently have to look around for a tall person. I asked a young mum the other day, she was really lovely and didn't mind at all.

Teetime Wed 19-Sept-18 08:57:07

We were on a train recently and DH helped a lady get her bag down from the rack 'chivalry is not dead then' she said. Not when my DH is about - lovely manners but your right rarely seen these days.

PECS Wed 19-Sept-18 09:06:03

I also have to ask for help with things on high shelves! Always find some helpful person.
Mostly people are warm & friendly. Occasionally when shopping I come across someone who has not understood that retail work is a service industy. DGC & friends are generally polite and well mannered!

DGS1 has some dyspraxic issues and even at 10 finds manipulating cutlery a challenge...not for want of trying..& is a really messy eater. DD in despair! We notice more when rudeness occurs and probably forget all the 100s of polite interactions!

Luckygirl Wed 19-Sept-18 09:12:35

I find people kind and helpful in the main. I often have to ask for a bit of help and it is always forthcoming with a smile.

grannysue05 Wed 19-Sept-18 10:40:14

Talking about high shelves in supermarkets, I was stopped recently in Sainsburys by another lady who was the identical height to me.
She asked if I could reach up for something on the top shelf (maybe I have longer arms hmm) but of course I could not reach the item.
I stepped on the lower shelf edge (big mistake) to try to make myself taller.
You can imagine the result .... the shelf collapsed and all the stock on it tumbled off.
Staff came running and huffed and tutted and complained that I should have asked for help.
When I looked round, the other lady had vanished!

MargaretX Wed 19-Sept-18 10:59:37

I was flying home to Germany with a bruised rib and I had to ask for help with my suitcase, which I received straight away, both in England and in Germany. It was a new situation for me but I wouldn't hesitate to ask again.

Even in Aldi they will help you if you ask, but who dares when they are checking customers through at such a fast pace.