Manners used to maketh man =- but not any more!

Surely the simplest and most respectful way to offer assistance is to just ask the person if would they like some help with whatever the issue is? It is then up to the person to accept or decline the offer. On the whole I find people are helpful and I make a point of accepting or declining any offer of help very politely and appreciatively.

When I'm waiting for the bus in town, there is no such thing as forming a queue any more. The bus comes and people surge from all directions and push their way on. We British used to be the masters of the queue

I'm a wheelchair user.
All the positive discrimination has meant that people are wary to "insult my right to independence" by offering help.

I suspect that this perception of an implied insult may also be why older people aren't helped.

We should all offer to do what we can.

I do still often find that people are helpful.

In particular I was SO grateful to the lovely man who so kindly carried my suitcase up the stairs at Vauxhall station. Although still quite capable, after coming by train all the way from Dijon I was extremely weary.

I was flying home to Germany with a bruised rib and I had to ask for help with my suitcase, which I received straight away, both in England and in Germany. It was a new situation for me but I wouldn't hesitate to ask again.

Even in Aldi they will help you if you ask, but who dares when they are checking customers through at such a fast pace.

Talking about high shelves in supermarkets, I was stopped recently in Sainsburys by another lady who was the identical height to me.
She asked if I could reach up for something on the top shelf (maybe I have longer arms ) but of course I could not reach the item.
I stepped on the lower shelf edge (big mistake) to try to make myself taller.
You can imagine the result .... the shelf collapsed and all the stock on it tumbled off.
Staff came running and huffed and tutted and complained that I should have asked for help.
When I looked round, the other lady had vanished!

I find people kind and helpful in the main. I often have to ask for a bit of help and it is always forthcoming with a smile.

I also have to ask for help with things on high shelves! Always find some helpful person.
Mostly people are warm & friendly. Occasionally when shopping I come across someone who has not understood that retail work is a service industy. DGC & friends are generally polite and well mannered!

DGS1 has some dyspraxic issues and even at 10 finds manipulating cutlery a challenge...not for want of trying..& is a really messy eater. DD in despair! We notice more when rudeness occurs and probably forget all the 100s of polite interactions!

We were on a train recently and DH helped a lady get her bag down from the rack 'chivalry is not dead then' she said. Not when my DH is about - lovely manners but your right rarely seen these days.

Oldwoman can you come shopping with me please

I frequently have to look around for a tall person. I asked a young mum the other day, she was really lovely and didn't mind at all.

I am quite tall and often help people get something from high shelves in supermarkets (especially the top shelf of the freezer cabinets!) I think most people will offer to help if they see someone struggling - perhaps the OP was just unlucky

When I first visited New Zealand over 20 years ago it felt like stepping back into the 1950s from the point of view of good manners and general friendliness. No litter in the streets, children were polite – it they ran across your feet they would stop to say sorry, even teenagers, polite greetings and real helpfulness in shops and so on. It may not have been like that in the major cities, such as Auckland, but it certainly was in smaller places.

I live here now and people are generally still polite. Lots of them wish you "good morning" as we pass in the street and my grandchildren's friends are always full of please and thank you when they come to my house. I have also never been in a place where I was struggling with something heavy without someone younger and stronger rushing over to help me. But it has changed. I notice rubbish strewn about that I never saw before. Of course, my grandchildren have been taught not to drop rubbish but to put it into a bin or give it to the grown-up with them to throw away later. When the now six-year-old was younger, he would get very irate, pointing out plastic bags dumped in the nearby school field or sweet wrappers on the pavement. Now his three-year-old brother does the same. I have recently noticed with this younger one that please and thank you are happening automatically without needing a reminder. We need to continue and our children to whom we taught good manners and consideration need to continue to pass on the message.

Twice recently when I've bought heavy boxes of cat food in Aldi I've had nice men rushing over to help me with them.

Isn’t it ironic Jalima all those nice young men - where were they when we were their age?

I like to think that DS would be there to offer help to old women in need
He's had plenty of practice with his old mother.

I think people are sometimes afraid to offer help because they think they will be accused of being patronising.

I do know what you mean though about manners in general.

If ever I ask anyone to help me, I find people respond positively. It isn't something I do very often as I prefer to be independent.

There are some thoughtless, self-centred people but I think, on balance, most people offer help and support if they can see it is needed. Perhaps in this particular instance people were more wary of approaching to offer help. It is often in situations like the one described in the OP that offering help is used as a diversionary tactic to steal someone's belongings.

We recently had quite a long thread containing gransnetters' accounts of situations where people had gone out of their way to be helpful.

When I've been travelling recently whether by air or by train, I have had a lot of help from other passengers, not always by young men; young women are also helpful and considerate.
No complaints from me.

Isn’t it ironic Jalima all those nice young men - where were they when we were their age?

A nice young man carried my suitcase up the stairs at an airport - in fact I have met one or two nice young men that way
I must look old and incapable.

We've always found shop assistants etc most helpful. DH is more likely to say 'No thank you, I can manage' whereas I accept help gratefully.

I think people sometimes are wary of offering help as they will be accused of being ageist or sexist. I witnessed it recently when an older lady, not elderly or frail, was offered a seat on the tube. She answered "what a cheek I am quite capable of standing".

Dunelm staff are generally very helpful and friendly, at least the one I frequent.
I always offer to help anyone who looks as if they need it,of any age, including young Mums.

I bought a mattress topper in Dunelm Mill last week. It was so much heavier than my present one that I was dragging it to the till. A young man on the staff came to help me, lifted it on to the counter, I paid and he carried it to my car for me. I would have managed eventually but the help was gratefully received.

DH once helped a woman load three bags of compost into the boot of her car outside Aldi while I was still inside paying for our groceries. The checkout girl had seen him with me but after looking through the window she thought he was shoplifting as I hadn't paid for any compost. She must have thought it was our car.

We had to ask the woman to go back in and show them the receipt or I don't think I'd have been allowed to leave.

DH and I were trying to load a large bag of compost into the boot of the car after we bought it. Dropped it and had a fit of the giggles before trying again. A young lady came over, looked as a if gust of wind would blow her over, and said "let me do that for you" and before DH could say he thought it would be much too heavy for her, picked it up and popped it in the car. We thought it was so kind of her, but made us both feel very old.