Unthoughtful friend

MOnica , Oldbatty and others - I agree about the risk of losing weight with a slimming club and putting it all back again. In fact, as you suggest, there is evidence to support that this is what happens to a very high proportion of people who go to slimming clubs. We all already know a lot about what makes us put on weight and what is healthy to eat - though of course there is always room to learn more. So getting to a healthy weight is not just about eating lettuce (or whatever) and getting thinner - it is about understanding the psychology of why we eat food which piles on the pounds, while also wanting to be a healthy weight. I have a 'voice' in my head (no I don't really hear a voice, but it is a convenient way of expressing this idea) which says 'That looks lovely! Eat it! Just a little won't hurt - and just a little more!' and another voice which says "I want to be a healthy weight and I know I need to avoid eating much of that particular food" We can spend our lives see-sawing between these 'voices' and our weight going up and down as we do that. I have read a lot about this kind of idea and have some of my own - but you might find it useful to read "The Willpower Instinct" by Kelly McGonigal, which is research based. You (and if possible a friend or two to encourage each other) can read the book and apply each chapter to your own thinking and behaviour, so you lose weight and learn a happier way to be. Here is another example of something I've learnt: Don't beat yourself up if you are overweight! Beating ourselves up makes it more likely that we will turn to something to cheer ourselves up again - the false promise of 'comfort' food. So be aware, give yourself understanding, reflect, learn new ways to approach food and eating - be on your own side - you are OK!

For a laugh......
My much loved DiL told me the other day to go easy on the weight loss as now I am so old I might find I'm going saggy!!

( I'm 67 )

I need to lose a few stone (I put it all back on after losing it a couple of years ago), and one of my friends is a size 12-14. Her legs are really slim. We go to Zumba together, 3 times a week. She'll say things like "Oh this top I'm wearing is a bit tight but I'm not going to buy a size bigger, I'd hate to be 14-16"....to me, a size 22!

She'll also moan that she put on 2lb at Christmas/holiday/after a party, etc. I simply say "Oh, give it a rest, you're being boring" and then we laugh.

perhaps Applegran could host a little club for us here, and help with long term sustainable weight loss?

After menopause, I 'yo yo'd' myself from a size 10 to a size 16-plus in less than five years. Then I decided to STOP dieting altogether and changed my eating habits instead.

Initially, I lost about five pounds but not much more. After a few weeks, my most important discovery was that my weight stabilized (I've now weighed the same for at least fifteen years).

Here's what I found:

A. Diets don't work because you can't stick to them forever. When you inevitably stop, it often kickstarts the dreaded 'yo yo' effect.

B. WHEN you eat is more important than how much you eat. i.e. Eat a good breakfast that includes protein. Have your biggest meal at lunch (2 or 3 PM the latest). Light supper or snack at 6 PM and no more food after 8 PM, only water.

C. Eat whatever you want but only as much as you should. You know what a reasonably sized portion looks like and how much sugar, salt and fat you really need.

I've eaten like this for years (with ocasional lapses). When I started this, my weight stabilized almost immediately (no more weight gain). I'm five and a half feet tall and remain a (plump) size 16. At age 72 I feel my health is more important than my dress size.

Hello! Can't comment on the friendship problem but just wanted to say congrats on the great weight loss already and hang on in there because I lost the same amount as you plan to so it is indeed possible. Have also managed not to put any of it back on and it's been a while now. I did a slowly but surely approach and was decidedly happy to lose only 1lb per week over a sustained period. I also gleaned a great tip here on GN called the 8:16 which worked perfectly for me and helped even more. Joy indeed. Good luck to you.

Thank you all for your kind words and advice

Old Batty - thank you for the idea of a GN club to learn together about the psychology of food, eating and weight - and get healthier and a stable weight. I actually would like to be able to meet with a group of people intersted in this, to share what I've read and learnt and see where it goes. I think this is the way ahead for people who want to be a more healthy weight - not slimming clubs, diets and yo-yo weight . Better initially to actually meet - not sure how to go ahead with this, if anyone is interested. Would want a group of 6 to 10 people. I live in the Bristol / Bath area. If anyone is interested and has idea of how to go ahead with this - please get in touch! Or GNHQ might see a way to support this idea.

What is the 8:16 Kim19

Shame I'm not in your area Applegran. I would have been interested in a group. Good luck.

Applegran, sounds like a very good idea. Just wish you were near East London. I remember being at a Slimming World club and looking round and thinking that a lot of people looked depressed or had low self esteem.
I know I eat for comfort.
Also read that AI can use satellite pictures to show that obesity correlates with lower levels of green space and poor access to shops. So perhaps I should stop the internet shop and walk to the High Street each day.

wow, Apple that sounds interesting. Slimming World, hell on earth. Lots of large depressed people and a " leader" with a rampant ego. And messages about piling your plate high blah blah. Awful.

Not kim but the 8:16 way of eating is to only eat during an 8 hour period and then fast/ refrain for 16 hours.

I remember a friend was doing Slimming World and she excitedly told me “and you can eat all the potatoes and pasta and rice you want!”

I replied “I am already on that diet, that is why I am fat as f*k”

There is a return to Weight Watchers in my very near future

Don't go to fat club muffin. It crushes your soul.

The Weight Watchers I went to was quite good fun, but the one a friend went to sounded like a weekly guilt trip, the leader taking pleasure in shaming members.

Very few who lose weight keep it off long term. These Fat Clubs don’t work as they keeping offering various and changing strategies.

If you can’t do it yourself then it might work in the short term but that’s all. You have to really, really want this more than you want that treat.

Sadly, motivation soon drops off too.

Losing weight starts in your head. Keeping it off has to be a whole new lifestyle and a recognition that ‘if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got’.

Best tips I can give...

*plan a week’s menus in advance and stick to it
* plan a few treats in there to keep you on track...just a few!
* move as much as you can even if it hurts a bit
* get out of that chair and get busy doing anything that takes your mind off food

Old Meg....have these strategies worked for you. I especially like number 3.

Yes they have oldbatty I’m a size 14 and though I aspire to a size 12, realistically I know I’m unlikely to lose those last few lbs.

I’d add something extra...when planning meals go for quite a bit of vegetables...anything except potatoes. I don’t mean don’t eat potatoes just do not count them as your veggies.

Portion wise for your main meal look at your hands.

The palm of your left hand is the size of your protein eg fish, meat, egg, cheese, etc. The four fingers of your left hand is your carbs. potatoes, rice, pasta, etc.

Then look your right hand and all of that should be your vegetables...2-3 different kinds if possible.

This is a sort of rough and ready guide.

Keep breakfast and lunch light, adding extra veg (eg tomatoes) where possible and a portion of fruit. And allow yourself a small treat mid afternoon.

If I’ve over indulged I miss breakfast the next day then back to normal. You won’t lose weight fast on this perhaps 1-2lbs a month, but hey ho! if only a lb a month that’s nearly a stone in a year. Slow and steady does it.

And move!

PS. The days I don’t do some sort of exercise, be it walking the dogs or the exercise bike I notice the difference on the scales almost immediately

I do love veg!! Sadly none available during my recent trip to Poland

No cabbage?

ah yes wrapped round something.

The simple tip that helps me is when I want that dessert or whatever just saying yes its a bit difficult but you can do it.
I have one small slice of bread at lunch and add vegetables as well as vegetables at evening meal. Less potatoes pasta etc.(carbs) Small treat each day. And one day off each week. Few nuts if peckish. And definitely brisk walk as much as possible. If I'm having a bad day (CFS) I just have soup as I won't burn off calories. I lost a stone in a year and never felt really hungry.

Oldmeg thats more or less what I do. Its not a diet. Its a new way of eating.