Struggling

Easy words to say Gabriella but far harder to live them when you see your family hurt and in pain. I'd rather suffer the pain myself than see my DC hurt, no matter what age or stage of life they're at.

The OP made it clear that she just needs a sympathetic ear - not a lecture or harsh comments.

A couple of comments are a Bit harsh ...OP looking for words of comfort ..most mothers feel their daughters pain.. I have a similar thing going on with mine.. and most mothers only can be truly happy when their children are ..fact...Most mothers I said...

Chewbacca
Point taken. It's just me. I'm not the sort to get weighed down with other people's problems, no matter how close to home those problems may be. Me worrying as well, will not save, solve or repair anything. That's why I'm cool in a crisis, can fully empathise but not get emotionally upset myself as that would be of no help and of course, I wish the OP and her daughter the best possible outcome for the whole family.
I was not suggesting that the OP should be happy in her daughter's sadness, rather that saying one cannot be happy until the other person is, means that two are suffering to no advantage.

two are suffering to no advantage Easier said than done Gabrielle if your child’s unhappy you can’t be anything but unhappy too but it sounds as if the daughter is doing well so I think Knickas has to be supportive for the future and nor dwell on what might have been

If ifs and ans were pots and pans ...as my mum says ( ad nauseam! )

Picking over my comments like vultures over a carcass......if you disagree with me that's fine, we all have the right to our views and each are valid to the writer.
I'm never going to be a tea and sympathy person.

If I can mend or do something about a situation, any situation, then I do it. If I can't, I don't worry.

My daughter has an 'idiot' aswell. He comes and goes as suits him, normally when he's blown his money on drugs etc.
My dd takes him back.....
It's infuriating to me, I don't understand why! But adults have to conduct their lives as they will and all we can do is catch them when they fall.
Some people are inherently selfish, no thought for kids being left in their wake.. It's up to the remaining parent and other family (if they're lucky enough to have that support) to hold them up and give them every bit of love possible.
You sound like an amazing and caring lady, your family will get through this tough time with you by their side Knickas63 ❤

Dear knickas63, I am sorry to hear of the difficult situation but please hold on to the idea that "all things must pass" and that you will get through this (as will DD and GD). It's been said that we can never truly know happiness until we've known pain. Give it time (time to grieve, as has wisely been said here by OPs).
Things will get better. In the meantime try to find some joy and happiness in every day - sometimes this will come from simply being with your family. Clearly you are a supportive Gran - and we know that Grans can be bring about happiness in lots of small but wonderful ways.

Paddyann. It must be of comfort to know that DD has found happiness.
To each his own but accepting a hug and a' how much he misses you' from x SIL after what he put your DD and GC through then you are more forgiving than I could ever be. Our x SIL we found out was a verbal bully to DD, even more upsetting,to our beautiful GD. He was courteous and respectful when in the company of myself and DH but as far as we were concerned on learning of his behaviour behind closed doors we would neither forgive or forget.

I know it hurts when your child is hurt believe me I've suffered the same with two of my daughters. Again believe me when I say you or her won't feel this hurt for ever. All you can do is be there for her, your support is irreplaceable. It should not be the end of your hopes and dreams of more grandchildren, if she's young, as you say she is, she will more than likely begin a relationship with someone who will love and respect her more than the one who has deserted her. I'm sure you'll eventually see what a lucky escape she had.