Teenagers & all night parties

It is actually very difficult to have a teenage party without security present because word get circulated online and gate crashers see it as Carte Blanche to create mayhem. Not just noise but serious damage, my eldest had a party for " just a few friends" we never did find out how many turned up but she spent 2 days cleaning up ( mostly) afterwards. None of them ever even mentioned a party at home again, lesson learned.

I am very surprised the mother allowed her daughter to have another party after wrecking the house after the last one.

Or maybe she doesn’t know. Maybe time for a little chat with the parents again re the noise situation.

This thread has brought back memories of the student parties we gave and went to when we showed very little consideration for the neighbours. We usually invited them and warned them we were having a party but we were loud, our voices were loud, our music was loud. I suppose the only major differences was we didn't have cars and it wasn't our parents' house. The police were called a couple of times but they were always friendly and asked that the music be turned down then watched the girls dancing for a bit and left

If the Mum knows, that's one thing, If the Mum doesn't, well that is really quite another. It has to be mentioned to her.

When I was clearing out my recently deceased Mum's home and getting it ready for sale I left my teenage boy home. He went to the neighbours and said he'd be having a party. Didn't bloody tell his parents though and when I came home to find cigarette ends in my garden I went ape!

From your post you said the mother apologised and said it would not happen again. Going by that I am assuming that her daughter had been spoken to by her parents about it. I don,t see the point of asking them to give you advance warning if they are away again ....the mother's own words were " it won't happen again." To me this advice others have offered, is implying that you should make alternative arrangements when they are away in case the daughter has a party again! Why should you. I sympathize with you. Either the parents are turning a blind eye to this and trying to placate you or they are very naive.
Twenty young people enjoying alcohol and loud music will just get louder and louder as the night progresses, it's the very nature of it to say the least.
At the moment it's just the daughter, at some point the son may decide to do the same....speak to the mother again.

She 18! I moved into my own place at 17 and had the common sense and respect to keep the noise down especially late at night and in the early hours. Sounds like this girl should grow up, if she wants to party with her friends then they can go to pubs and nightclubs instead of disrupting the neighbourhood. Do you know if any other neighbours have been annoyed by her parties? And It is an environmental matter ‘ noise pollution ‘ apart from the crossbow of course.

Well I might have guessed that Paddyann would think it ok. It is the disrepect. None of us could have afforded to wizz our cars around and get drunk. Our parents would not have allowed it anyway.

Let them do what they like, they grow up thinking they can do anything.

One of my son's did something similar when he was around 16 or so and I was mortified. I completely understand your point of view DollyJo, yes we've all been young once, and a lack of awareness and consideration can go with that territory, in retrospect I'd include myself in that category. As one poster said there is a hell of a
difference between entertaining youngsters in a "controlled environment", with parents or a responsible adult there to oversee the party, however as I can testify when we were out of the country with our youngest and our older child, staying with friends, he came back to our house, with a group of mates,jemmying a window open and effectively breaking in and then had all night parties for a couple of days. We had varying reports from neighbours who said there were between 20 and 80 people present and they kept our neighbours awake for most of the two evenings till dawn. My husband and I were livid with him. We live in a development that has communal gardens that go down to the Thames, allegedly these kids were all over the gardens making a hell of a racket and mucking about on the moorings and generally making a nuisance of themselves, not to mention the mess. I don't think there is any point in getting hoity toity about "what people do in their own property is their business" unsupervised youngsters with loud music and alcohol is not a good combination and likely to upset the neighbours. You have to approach the parents dollyjo, possibly they are unaware. We had some explaining to do on our son's behalf and I sent him round to apologise to some of those he managed to annoy. Having said all that we do have more civilised parties where I live, some have gone on all night, I don't mind too much, I accept we get a lot of noise in the summer, we have a boating club and a pub directly across the river from us and it's so hot at the moment a lot of the neighbours are in the grounds talking and drinking till quite late. I sympathise with you though, hope you sort it out.

Marieliz dont you know you're only young once!!My first date with my OH of 44 years was at a house party when his parents were on holiday ,so its nothing new.Yes some folk got drunk,one girl spent the night sleeping beside the huge dog in its kennel and two 20 year olds decided to have a race across the bungalow roof .Nobody got hurt ,everyone had a good time and we all have memories to laugh about when we meet up now .
Contary to what you believe we have lived very sensible lives since we married ...started a business at 21 and brought our kids up to be good hearted ,hard working people who are fantastic parents of their own kids.Having the odd party doesn't make you a bad person....its all part of growing up.I guess a lot of you were 40 before you were born .A couple of parties in a few months and you're complaining ? No wonder so many young people think us oldie's are a pain in tha backside ,I'm beginning to think the same of some here .

petalmoore
I don't agree.
There has been no mention of father in the OPs posts, no mention that he went away with his wife and son and no mention that he went to the OP to apologise.
I therefore concluded that the 18yr old's mother is the one dealing with this.
Most mothers are the 'go to' person in a household and it is usually they, for the much greater part, who deal with behavioural problems.
As the 18 yr old resides with her parent(s?) it's the parent who makes the rules in the house regardless of the age of the AC who lives there.
Obviously, there is a strong possibility that the fact that she would be alone in the property was posted on social media. By whom...we'll never know.
As the daughter is of age, she could have been and was approached by the OP but in the absence of an apology or response, her mother would be the one I would have words with as it's her daughter and they live in the same property.
You are responsible for activity which takes place in your property, whether it's noisy parties, dogs barking (whether yours or not) underage drinking, drug dealing etc just as the landlord of a pub is partly responsible for the conduct of his patrons or the noise level of music.

I'm sure we've all partied in our time paddyann - but probably not in our parents' house, urinating in the neighbours' gardens, smashing bottles in the street etc etc, running up and down the road yelling at 4 am. Not to mention drugs.

I pity anyone who lives next to a 'student house' - but they are not usually in quiet residential cul-de-sacs. So when this kind of thing happens with regularity when the parents are away it is a cause of annoyance.

BlueBelle
Yes, you might well say 'blimey' but suppose that the shattered glass had cut someone, a shard in their eye maybe, or worse.
Suppose that one of the group purposely scratched a neighbours car, keyed the side or had a can of spray paint, after all, the daughter said that some were gatecrashers. Did someone mention it on social media?

I make no apologies for filming bad and out of control behaviour as doing so caught a gang from London who broke into a nearby shop and, in another instance, youths who stole property and denied knowing anything about it and another male who stole a £600 bike from a private underground car park. I managed to hold onto the bike while filming him running back to his mates.
On all occasions they were successfully prosecuted and the older ones were given prison sentences.
If you think that it's ok to ignore behaviour that escalates into smashing glasses in the road and ridiculous noise levels at 4am, then I stand apart.

If you think that it's ok to ignore behaviour that escalates into smashing glasses in the road and ridiculous noise levels at 4am, then I stand apart.
I'm there with you Gabriella

Next door's son had an 18th birthday party not that long ago - they are all very quiet usually and they sounded as if they were having a great time (in the garage I think) but there was no bad behaviour, no spilling out on to the street and the noise, mainly music and chatting, stopped at about midnight.

So why is it necessary to annoy the whole neighbourhood and be destructive in order to have a good time?

I’m with you Jalima. Partying when we were young - we all did it - but not to the annoyance of our neighbours for whom we had respect. Sorry Paddyann but, judging from your posts on other threads, I don’t think you show respect for your neighbours even now....

This is unfortunately what children are all about and the only way they learn the positive things of life is by experiencing the negatives
Accordingly might I suggest the following
We had a similar difficulty with an interloping music student and his grand piano in the late evening
I found a compromise after he discovered my penchant for DIY with my hammer drill at 5 am on a Sunday
Might I suggest a summit with your closest neighbours so as to secure the expertise of a contractor with a pneumatic jack hammer or simply learn to drum in that avant guard way that was the province of Honey of the Honey combs I'm sure you get the message - as will the young person eventually ...with the onset of sleep deprivation

I don't worry about loud late music - I'm sure my own kids must have attended a few rowdy events. The constant shrieking is what grates with me! And two parties in a few months isn't excessive but this one lasted all weekend, which is very anti-social.

Firing the crossbow, whilst under the influence no doubt, would have had me speaking to her mother and the police.

All girls shriek now. No idea why, I don't think we did. Next door (it's a terrace) had a party for the daughter age 16-both parents in house. Dad came round about 9pm to apologise for the voices. I said I just turned my TV up. He sighed and said" I wish they were all fitted with one of those" Girls shrieked when they arrived shrieked through the music and shrieked outside when they left.

I'm sure we didn't shriek - even when we were at a Beatles concert!

We used to live near a rather eccentric professional musician and he had an annual 'Proms Party' in the summer - classical music played loudly and loud singing in lovely voices!
We always longed to be invited (no neighbours were invited but he always warned us beforehand) - presumably we weren't posh enough

sorry to disappoint ,I/we get on very well with all our neighbours .We live and let live..if they have late parties thats their business,if the guy next door plays his accordian or electric guitar with doors and windows open thats also fine.
they are happy to ask me to watch the kids or their cats if they need someone in a hurry ,ask me to make birthday cakes and even wedding cakes for them( its a hobby I dont ask for payment) and are always around if we need some help with something too.No lack of respect from either side .People do make some strange judgements on one or two posts on here .Maybe we just live in an area thats very different to where you live .

But paddyannn, it’s not just “their business”. They and you live in a community. We all do. People, of whatever age, should be considerate. Don’t they sleep where you live?

There’s another thread about children’s manners. I don’t think good manners should stop mattering the moment kids become teenagers.

As I think I said earlier, occasional late parties are tolerable, but all night noise is not. By ‘late’ I mean perhaps midnight (though 11 would be better), maybe up to 1 am on New Year’s Eve. Personally, I had grown out of thinking staying up late was exciting by the time I was 12 or so. I had to go to late events when I was at university, but I didn’t think the lateness added to the fun at all.

People do make some strange judgements on one or two posts on here

Not strange, but if someone says: the only time anyone can ever tell me or my family what to do in their own home will be if they are paying all my bills then other posters could infer from that a lack of consideration or respect for neighbours.

And then follows up with
Maybe we just live in an area thats very different to where you live - that is inferring you live in a nice friendly neighbourhood and other posters do not.

Do you live in the Outer Hebrides paddyann ?
Making teenagers aware of other people and their feelings is one of the things all parents are supposed to get into their heads.
Naturally we were all young once and played records talked and laughed, but shrieking, littering and heavy drinking didn’t play a part, neither did drug taking or shooting with crossbows or revving cars.

Oooh lemongrove you have led a sheltered life! (and you can't speak for all of us). My ex had an air rifle when I met him we used to fire it in his mum's garden, sometimes after a few drinks. I'm not commenting on the other things you didn't do.

It is the nature of teenagers to be thoughtless and lack empathy and the role of parents to attempt to minimise the affects of this until their brain develops to maturity. Obviously the mother hasn't learned by her mistake any more than the teenager has so I would certainly be having a word with her when she got back. I don't think you need to fall out about it, I just think you need to say that it was a disturbance that worried you over an extended amount of time and you were concerned for the safety of the young people and property.