Teenagers & all night parties

Get the neighbor's mobile phone number. She will probably be grateful to you if you promise to phone her when there is noise from her house, as it will help her to keep her children in order while she is away. I wish my neighbor had phoned me when my kids had a party once! I came back to find the police there. :/

I'd have a quiet word with the mother. Is it a coincidence that they'reout or is the girl taking advantage of their absence?
We used to have young men as neighbours. They'd go out clubbing and return in the early hours with girlfriends and continue the party on the patio, making a lot of noise. I couldn't hear them too well as I'm a bit deaf and a few houses away but it was awful for the couple next door. Eventually they moved and we were all relieved. Is calling the police an option? They might break the party up.

We moved into this house 15 years ago, not realising that teenagers lived all around us. It was hell for years, with footballers running through our garden, noise, and litter. Then they were old enough to have parties! Thankfully they all grew up and most are married with little ones. I'm glad we stuck it out.

You were a bit mean to say something to the girl. She should have gone to yours to apologise but I still would not have spoken to her like that.

We had one party here. Son and friend's shared 18th. Very noisy. August. Mostly in garden, big speaker, etc we employed 2 bouncers and they had a list of names and birthdays to check teens in. We were mostly upstairs. Bouncers occasionally and discreetly turned volume down. I can't remember the time it finished but I went down desperate for a coffee and all was good fun.
We warned the immediate neighbours.
Only bad thing was son sick at late point - drinking while prepping. Wouldn't listen. Teens... it was a one off.
If someone had said anything to my son...well there would have consequences

We have had several neighbours' loud garden parties this summer and have just put up with it. I am not sure, however, that I would be so happy with off-the-leash, unsupervised teenagers running riot. It is not acceptable to let your children upset the neighbours and we never let ours do it.

I remember when the DS was in his teens an affluent schoolmate had a party in Amersham and gatecrashers caused £35,000 of damage. My DD also attended a party at which she was plied with drink and being unused to it was seriously unwell.

Those who say that 'teenagers will be teenagers' are part of the liberal parenting agenda and I do not agree that it is the right thing to allow unformed minds and characters the freedom to try dangerous and/or disruptive activities as if there were no consequences. This is the wrong lesson to teach youngsters. They need to respect themselves and respect others too.

I am a retired teacher and have seen the dangers of adults abdicating responsibilty for their teenage children. It rarely ends well.

I left my early 20's daughter looking after my 16 year old son once; she actually moved back home to do it. When we got back we found that she had invited a pub full of stranger for a midnight swim. We were horrified because she'd never been a party animal, had anxiety with strangers and was usually so sensible. To add insult to injury she said her brother could have a party which he posted on Facebook. Fortunately, a neighbour who was ex police, stepped in and the party didn't go ahead. If you had asked me before I went on holiday, I would have sworn blind that I had sensible trustworthy kids. I didn't make the same mistake twice which is possibly what your neighbours have done.

I sympathise, but unfortunately I do think that if we live in housing estates we do have to tolerate some of this kind of disturbance, particularly in the summer when windows are open. Maybe just ask the mother if she could ask her daughter to ask her friends to keep the noise down a little. Don't speak to the kids directly. We were all young once and probably a little thoughtless when it came to others. And apparently August is going to be very wet, so Windows will be shut!

Thank you for your many and varied replies.
The girl in question is just 18yrs and has her own car as have her friends. Resulting in about 6 cars parked outside their house and my bungalow.
I did not 'tell her off' the first time,I just made it known that it disturbed my sleep.
Well this weekend 'the party' commenced at 11am on Saturday morning. Then a break when they came back at 11pm. They partied until at least 4am (when I dropped off to sleep)
Then it stated again on Sunday morning and went on until 2 am this morning (Monday) when they started their cars and left whilst shouting to each other as they went.
I had a good night's sleep though because I moved to another bedroom as far as I could away from their house.
I guess her parents must be coming back today!
What I have realised is that even though they were in the bedroom nearest my property, the windows were wide open and the boys / men have such loud deep voices. The girls just shriek to each other. Perhaps they hadn't realised that sound so easily travels.
I do have the parents' mobile number but I wouldn't ring them and spoil their holiday.
What I have also been told is that it is an environmental health issue and not a police matter. It might have been the 1st time though as the men had a full sized crossbow and they were firing it down their garden.
Yes I was young once. I also used to run a youth club for the County Council.
Fortunately, it is all quiet and peaceful again now but it was good to get it off my chest on here.

Any chance you and the girl's mother can come to an agreement about how late parties go on?

In Denmark, where I live, you are justified in asking a neighbour to turn down loud music and close the windows at 11 p.m. and if they don't you can complain to the police. The assumption being that those who have work to go to want to be able to sleep around 11 p.m.

Whether the girl is holding parties with or without her mother's knowledge or permission there is really nothing you can really do about it, unless you, the girl and her mother can come to some sort of compromise.

You have informed the neighbour once and learned her daughter and friends had done some damage.
Clearly the parents were not that concerned as it has not had the effect you hoped for consequently this disruption to your sleep goes on. If you can put up with the noise, and it is a now and again occurrence , say no more as I can't imagine forth coming autumn /winter nights will stop their parties.Just live in hope the mother at some stage returns to a 'trashed up' property.

Hi, we used to have this problem with our neighbours. All quiet till they went on holiday and left the teenagers on their own. We took the view it was only 2 weeks a year (and not every night). We were all young once.

Get parents' mobile numbers, and next time it happens, ring them.

I dont know where you all live but my goodness it must be a veritable haven.Its NORMAL for young folk to have friends round

Yes, it is a haven where we live at the moment as all our DC have grown up and left and any new families who have moved in have much younger children!

paddyannthe scenario you describe is quite different to teenagers have parties when their parents are away. The ones you talk about are supervised, you were there and you allowed some beer to be drunk as long as their parents agreed. Very civilised and yes, I am sure many of us can relate to that.

However, some of us can also relate to the scenario of neighbours going away and teenagers taking advantage of the situation. It's not necessarily the fault of the teenage neighbour either. One young girl near us was allowed to have girlfriends to stay for a sleepover when her parents were away for a weekend - word got out and the 'sleepover' was gatecrashed. It was horrendous and the girl herself was powerless to do anything about it and was very distressed.
Other neighbours used to go away and leave their teenage son on his own - and there were always parties, noise, mayhem, loud music, shouting and bawling until all hours. A couple of the neighbours called the police on occasion.

Quite different to what you describe.
the only time anyone can ever tell me or my family what to do in their own home will be if they are paying all my bills
It depends on whether or not what you do is anti-social and occurs on a regular basis. Or, of course, illegal.

Some people live near constantly noisy neighbours, twice this year doesn't seem too bad does it? Also you seem to have found your own solution by sleeping in a different room. The hot weather is making a lot of us intolerant.

But grannytante it’s only been twice since they ve lived there obviously if it was happening every week but it not give them some slack unless it becomes a weekly iccurance or unless damage is done to your garden or your house
It’s summer let the kids enjoy themselves before the long old dark winter

or unless damage is done to your garden or your house
I think the OP mentioned smashing bottles on the wall

The party went on all night. Loud music, shouting running up and down and empty bottles on garden walls and smashed in the road.
Can't they have fun without running around, yelling in the road, smashing bottles? And in one I mentioned, rampaging through other front gardens and urinating?

I am only 39 but never had house parties because I respected my parents too much and wouldn’t have been able to relax in case anything got broken. My 2 older sisters did (I stayed at my Nans’) it was a mess and someone had urinated in a bottle plus there was a used condom in my bed they were never left home alone again! Don’t understand why your neighbour keeps leaving her in the house alone when she knows it’s going to happen now. I don’t think you should talk to the daughter because that will get you nowhere but speak to her mother again and see what she is willing to do about it. In the meantime I would keep a log of who is turning up how many there is plus how many cars, log the time the noise starts and finishes and any other anti social behaviour and what you can hear e.g bad language. I would do this in case you ever need to make a complaint but hopefully it won’t come to that. I wish you luck but I don’t think twice a month going on all through the night is reasonable if it finished at 1am maybe.

I haven't read all the responses but here's my two penn'orth.
I'd tell the mother that you spoke to her daughter after the last shenanigans but received only a silent look. Tell her about the latest episode and stress that if there IS a next time, that police will be on your speed dial and the local authority informed which will generate a visit from their environmental health dept.
It's a toss up between your neighbour not leaving her daughter 'in charge' of the house (and more of the same when her brother copies her behaviour) or you buying some heavy duty earplugs.
I guess that you don't want to look forward to years of this and similar behaviour so nip it in the bud.
You can be perfectly pleasant in your approach but steely in your resolve.
I'd have short chat in private. It's HER problem and you cannot be blamed for objecting to those sort of antics.
I hope you took photos, in any case, write down events and timings thus far in the event that EH want the background.
Good luck.

Oh blimey taking pictures, private eye overload. How to fall out with neighbours in a few easy lessons Wait and see it might never happen again

In a quiet, affluent, middle-class residential area, it has long been 'normal' for teenagers to have cars, to talk as loudly as they used to when they were little kids in the playground, and to schedule parties during their parents' absence and without the parents' knowledge - it's as inevitable as small children leaving sticky fingerprints wherever they go. In my experience, parents know all too well that despite there best efforts, teenagers are slow to learn that the privileges of autonomous adulthood have to be balanced with responsibilities, and a lot of this learning only comes with maturity.

Our 17-year-old son had a party while we were away, and of course we'd set some ground rules, and of course more people turned up than he'd been expecting, and of course things got out of hand. Even before any neighbours might have complained, our son himself phoned us to say he feared we were going to be sent a massive bill from the local fire service after he'd called them to report two girls being locked in the toilet after losing the key ... By the time the fire engine arrived, the girls had unlocked the door, so he'd succeeded only in wasting the fire service's time. Luckily we were able to explain that he'd been genuinely concerned - he was inclined to be gullible - and the call-out charge was waived. But our son had learned that lesson, and didn't even try to have another party - he was too embarrassed. Similarly my brother-in-law likes to recount that on more than one occasion he had to pick up our 14-year-old niece from A+E after an evening of immoderate clubbing. Luckily, like most people, they have grown into responsible adults who know their own limits and are valuable members of society. The teenage years can be a minefield for parents and neighbours, and all too often for the young people themselves, but I'd rather have a few sleepless nights than read about teenagers taking four friends out in their new car t celebrate the end of A-levels, and wrapping it round a tree, as we read about so often in the papers, even if it hasn't happened to any of us.

All this, of course. doesn't make it any easier to bear a sleepless night in a heatwave, to the accompaniment of a pulsing beat that you haven't chosen to hear - you have my sympathy!

Gosh! Mine really missed out on all that behaviour. Was it a good thing or a bad thing?
They all working aged 16 and 4 of the 5 moved away from home for their jobs so hard partying wasn't an option due to their employment. By the time they were old enough to be served alcohol, 3 had mortgages and weren't into pub nights.
I went out for my mad nights, mum would never have allowed me to have parties without her being present upstairs.
I didn't feel I missed out as, at 17, I was living in hospital quarters as a student nurse and we had to be in by 10pm, 11 on a late pass.

...and my 'kids' wiped their sticky fingers before leaving the table. It's not 'inevitable that they wipe them on other surfaces.

GabriellaG You mention speaking to the girl's mother, and you say it's HER problem. The OP mentions 'parents', and they're probably both equally affected by any damage to their house or to their relationship with neighbours. If the daughter is over 18, of course, she's technically an adult, and responsible for her own actions. Not a easy one, but it would be kinder to assume that the parents are acting as one here, nd to seek to them both, water than placing all the onus on the mother.