Teenagers & all night parties

There is a difference here between a one off party and anti social behaviour..
That's it in a nutshell, MillieBear

dollyjo just a thought that if she is doing this whilst her parents are away it might be worthwhile having a quiet word with her and saying you were disturbed, but are willing to keep quiet about it, but that if it happens again you will take photos/videos and present the evidence to her parents when they come home.

? no it IS nothing to do with you if she has a boy staying with her and as you are talking about cars and car driving presumably they are all late teens 17/18/19 and there is nothing particular liberal about a girl of that age having a boy stay over I was living with my boyfriend at that age in the 60s so I don’t think life has changed that much Dolly ?
I hope it all calms down for you as I m sure it will and my bet is she will be left home soon

Just to let you all know. Only our property is near enough to hear the noise.
The parents aren't back, as I thought. The party went on again on Monday night but it was all quiet on the Western Front on Tuesday and Wednesday night.
I think she has just one male staying wit her. I have never seen a boyfriend's car there when her parents are at home. BUT that is nothing to do with me and I think society is much more liberal about such things than in my day.
I really appreciated TerriBulls's comment In fact, I appreciate you all taking time to comment.

All I can say is, you must all live in huge houses if you think having 20 teenagers in your house isn’t many! I don’t think I have ever lived anywhere, where 20 folk of any age, shape or size would fit comfortably.

I have two grown up daughters, the eldest hooked up with her first husband when she was only 14 years old and they never went ‘out’, preferring to stay in on their own, so no problems in the partying department from her.

The youngest was a different kettle of fish. Going from a child who never spent a night away from home at friends houses until she became a teenager, she was such a homebody, to having to be collected from a friends house blazing drunk at only 13, to leaving home at 17 to live with a boyfriend, they have both turned out to be wonderful mothers and hard working individuals who I am very proud of.

But it is still kind of annoying when youngsters partying habits disturb our peace and sleep, even though we can try to justify it, so I do sympathise, but don’t really have any other advice to give you other than what has been said already. Hope it doesn’t happen too often.

TerriBull, Jalima1108 and Marieeliz, spot on! I won't ever forget my late H crying when he saw the devastation of an unauthorised party. We lost everything, and I mean everything of value both monetary and sentimental. There is a difference here between a one off party and anti social behaviour.. The latter requires a phone call to the police.

Ooops.....apologies there not their (grammar police may be watching)

Paddyann: Just to say I totally 'get' what you say. When I started reading I thought ...blimey you should have seen me at 18! I remember having many a late session either in my house or friends' houses. Remember the mods and rockers? I was part of the rocker gang and many guys on bikes would rock up outside my house - much to the dismay of the neighbours am sure (although have to say they were all decent, hardworking guys and never any drugs involved)

One party in my parents' absence, was 'gate crashed' by people overhearing in the local and following the bottles!!! House was a wreck and I spent two whole days cleaning carpets and walls dreading parents return! (and yes I got an ear bashing)

Amongst this we had neighbours complaining but didn't actually care t.b.h. We were having a ball.

My dad did actually make me go and apologise to our neighbour but I hated them anyway........ so I said I would but didn't.........

Like most...I grew up! Although never left my children to have a house party on their own.....for obvious reasons ha ha.

But to OP if this is only a couple of times a year ....I wouldn't complain. IF it gets so out of hand their are bottles thrown and physical fights I guess its a different ball game.........

Personally I consider a "teenage out-of-control party"one where the police have to be called, there are gatecrashers and property is damaged and /or fights break out. Noise, drinking, screeching, they're just part of a good party. If it was every night I can see it would be a real nuisance, but a one off----No.

Well said Terribull

And I remember being that parent - taking DD and her friend on holiday abroad post-exams, age 16, and feeling the awful responsibility of letting them have some freedom -v- keeping them safe!

you weren't on the receiving end!!!!!!

"Making teenagers aware of other people and their feelings is one of the things all parents are supposed to get into their heads" I agree lemongrove.

It's not always a question of "haven't you been young once" the answer to that is definitely yes but sometimes one needs the maturity of an adult to see that certain teenage behaviour is not always conducive to living in harmony with those around you. Teenagers, can inhabit their own "zone" oblivious to the needs and wishes of others. I recognised that trait in myself from yesteryear as well as in my children. .A close friend and I were reminiscing recently about a holiday we took in Spain when we were 16 with another friend and her parents. Friend and I often covertly sneaked out of our room at night to go to discos, returning in the early hours, when we got caught by friend's parents and subsequently subjected to their rules we regarded them as a couple of killjoys, completely ignoring the fact that they were "loco parentis" and they carried the responsibility for our welfare on their shoulders. Similarly, my son who had the wild party unbeknown to us when we were away as per my previous post, was over on Sunday with his children, and we were chatting about that event and how when he was a new father with a baby, some of his neighbours had an all nighter which kept my grand daughter up all night and how that focused his mind on how he behaved without thought to our neighbours in his teens. Unless you live in splendid isolation, then it's a common courtesy to give those who live in close proximity some consideration. I'm not talking about a controlled environment where parents are overseeing their offsprings' gathering in a space that sounds something akin to a 6th form common room. I'm talking about raucous behaviour with a lot of screeching, and boy do they screech, alcohol, loud music and general unsocial behaviour, often conducted without the parents' knowledge. Those kids will not appreciate that their neighbours may have young children and babies they are trying to settle, may have to get up for work the next day, maybe unwell, or simply want some peace and quiet. Personally, I'm happy with some of the entertaining that goes on outside where I live during the summertime, but it doesn't fall into the "wild and unsociable" category. I think there is some crossed wires on this thread between perceived intolerance towards that sort of event and something like the standard teenage out-of -control party that impacts heavily on those who live in the vicinity. I don't think the OP or anyone else is being selfish to object to such a gathering.

It is the nature of teenagers to be thoughtless and lack empathy and the role of parents to attempt to minimise the affects of this until their brain develops to maturity. Obviously the mother hasn't learned by her mistake any more than the teenager has so I would certainly be having a word with her when she got back. I don't think you need to fall out about it, I just think you need to say that it was a disturbance that worried you over an extended amount of time and you were concerned for the safety of the young people and property.

Oooh lemongrove you have led a sheltered life! (and you can't speak for all of us). My ex had an air rifle when I met him we used to fire it in his mum's garden, sometimes after a few drinks. I'm not commenting on the other things you didn't do.

Do you live in the Outer Hebrides paddyann ?
Making teenagers aware of other people and their feelings is one of the things all parents are supposed to get into their heads.
Naturally we were all young once and played records talked and laughed, but shrieking, littering and heavy drinking didn’t play a part, neither did drug taking or shooting with crossbows or revving cars.

People do make some strange judgements on one or two posts on here

Not strange, but if someone says: the only time anyone can ever tell me or my family what to do in their own home will be if they are paying all my bills then other posters could infer from that a lack of consideration or respect for neighbours.

And then follows up with
Maybe we just live in an area thats very different to where you live - that is inferring you live in a nice friendly neighbourhood and other posters do not.

But paddyannn, it’s not just “their business”. They and you live in a community. We all do. People, of whatever age, should be considerate. Don’t they sleep where you live?

There’s another thread about children’s manners. I don’t think good manners should stop mattering the moment kids become teenagers.

As I think I said earlier, occasional late parties are tolerable, but all night noise is not. By ‘late’ I mean perhaps midnight (though 11 would be better), maybe up to 1 am on New Year’s Eve. Personally, I had grown out of thinking staying up late was exciting by the time I was 12 or so. I had to go to late events when I was at university, but I didn’t think the lateness added to the fun at all.

sorry to disappoint ,I/we get on very well with all our neighbours .We live and let live..if they have late parties thats their business,if the guy next door plays his accordian or electric guitar with doors and windows open thats also fine.
they are happy to ask me to watch the kids or their cats if they need someone in a hurry ,ask me to make birthday cakes and even wedding cakes for them( its a hobby I dont ask for payment) and are always around if we need some help with something too.No lack of respect from either side .People do make some strange judgements on one or two posts on here .Maybe we just live in an area thats very different to where you live .

We used to live near a rather eccentric professional musician and he had an annual 'Proms Party' in the summer - classical music played loudly and loud singing in lovely voices!
We always longed to be invited (no neighbours were invited but he always warned us beforehand) - presumably we weren't posh enough

I'm sure we didn't shriek - even when we were at a Beatles concert!

All girls shriek now. No idea why, I don't think we did. Next door (it's a terrace) had a party for the daughter age 16-both parents in house. Dad came round about 9pm to apologise for the voices. I said I just turned my TV up. He sighed and said" I wish they were all fitted with one of those" Girls shrieked when they arrived shrieked through the music and shrieked outside when they left.

I don't worry about loud late music - I'm sure my own kids must have attended a few rowdy events. The constant shrieking is what grates with me! And two parties in a few months isn't excessive but this one lasted all weekend, which is very anti-social.

Firing the crossbow, whilst under the influence no doubt, would have had me speaking to her mother and the police.

This is unfortunately what children are all about and the only way they learn the positive things of life is by experiencing the negatives
Accordingly might I suggest the following
We had a similar difficulty with an interloping music student and his grand piano in the late evening
I found a compromise after he discovered my penchant for DIY with my hammer drill at 5 am on a Sunday
Might I suggest a summit with your closest neighbours so as to secure the expertise of a contractor with a pneumatic jack hammer or simply learn to drum in that avant guard way that was the province of Honey of the Honey combs I'm sure you get the message - as will the young person eventually ...with the onset of sleep deprivation

I’m with you Jalima. Partying when we were young - we all did it - but not to the annoyance of our neighbours for whom we had respect. Sorry Paddyann but, judging from your posts on other threads, I don’t think you show respect for your neighbours even now....

If you think that it's ok to ignore behaviour that escalates into smashing glasses in the road and ridiculous noise levels at 4am, then I stand apart.
I'm there with you Gabriella

Next door's son had an 18th birthday party not that long ago - they are all very quiet usually and they sounded as if they were having a great time (in the garage I think) but there was no bad behaviour, no spilling out on to the street and the noise, mainly music and chatting, stopped at about midnight.

So why is it necessary to annoy the whole neighbourhood and be destructive in order to have a good time?