wedding present dilemma

I'd send a gift/vouchers. I don't expect to be invited to everyone's wedding but I like to mark the occasion when I've known the bride or groom for many years.

I've received thank you notes with some wedding cake, too - win:win!

Send it immediately after the wedding so you do not appear to be angling for an invitation.

I think I'd treat both sons identically. It could be that the second groom would have liked you to come to the Wedding but is in a different financial position. I doubt both sons earn identical salaries and their partners won't either.

People spend their money on different things. You could possibly upset their parents perhaps if you treat their sons differently.

I like M0nicas idea.. or, close to the day, send a ' Happy Wedding Day' card with a gift voucher or cheque.

My thought would be to treat them both the same. I would give the gift to them via your friends and let them explain that you are fine about not being invited, I think they would feel awkward if you handed them the gift.

In similar situations I have treated them roughly the same.
I have said to them, truthfully, that on retirement, I set a sum of money aside for weddings, and they are getting what I allocated them 10 years ago. My budget doesn't allow for second weddings though!

I agree with what has been said already about treating him the same as the other son - and send card/voucher/cheque after the wedding to avoid any notion that you want to be invited.

I agree but maybe send close to day is my preference rather than after. But doesn't really matter.

What a great idea MOnica I shall remember that tip!

Yes I would send a card and gift voucher or cheque as close to the day as possible.

I was going to say, send a cheque on the day with words to the effect that you'd be thinking of them but I think MOnica's idea tops that. Must try to remember.......n

Thanks everyone. Good advice. Will send some vouchers just before the wedding. Feel better now, have been so unsure what to do.

Yes I agree with Monica too. Send it to arrive after the wedding.

Perhaps your friends don't have much of a say in what happens at this wedding, so don't take it personally. As the groom's parents they're third in line after the happy couple and the bride's parents (if they are paying). At my son's wedding it was mostly friends of the bride and groom, bride's parents didn't invite anyone beyond very close family and we did the same.

You're right - vouchers (and a card) just before the wedding.

I would consider this strange when you had been invited to the other sons wedding. It could be due to expense ? or were you on different terms with the previous bride and groom than you are with the present. A card I believe to be sufficient.

I can see last persons viewpoint. So I reread to see if it was a close friend and it is. Strange. I would have expected an invite or perhaps a comnent about the size of the wedding and why guest list is different. But no matter, I would do the nice thing and give a gift.

In the US, wedding gifts can continue to arrive weeks and even months after the wedding (but no more than a year) from guests and non-guests alike.

Those who aren't invited are not expected to send anything except perhaps a nice card. Those who decline an invitation for various reasons, will likely send a lovely card and still have an enire year to send a gift if they are so inclined.

The best gifts (or larger sums of money) are usually expected from the couple's close friends and family, who also happen to be in attendance at the wedding.

Dukeybabe62

The bottom of my post got cut off.

....You won't be attending because this is a different wedding and 2nd son won't expect to be treated the same.

Different circumstances, different wedding. Why do you believe you're response should be the same?

I've always thought it important with other people's children to treat them the same. If one wants a big wedding and another wants an intimate wedding or a foreign wedding, personally I think you treat them all the same.
My nieces and nephews (siblings) all had very different weddings, and I probably have differing relationship with them and their other halves, but just as when they were little, they are treated the same.

I think it's important that you treat them the same as the other son. Weddings are very expensive and it pleases me that some people are now having much smaller and family-intimate wedding days. No one should expect an invitation.

It all depends on how well you get on with the parents.Your son and you were invited to the first wedding as (no doubt) your son and he were close friends.
His brother is therefore a different case.
You could just send a card, or a card and a small present.

When a the daughter of a close friend got married I sent a card and a voucher so that they could spend it on something they needed.

When their younger daughter got married we were invited to that wedding and we were delighted to attend. Once again we sent a card and a voucher. On both occasions we received a thank you card and since then elder daughter has had her first child and we sent a card and a little gift.

We also sent a thank you and a little something to my friend and her husband thanking them both for their generous hospitality over the wedding weekend.

Willa45 Thank you for your insight. We have always treated both sons the same since they were born, with birthday presents, etc, and are no closer to one or the other. So feel when it comes to their weddings we should do the same.

You're most welcome! If you have known them since birth and always treated them equally, then by all means go with what feels most comfortable for you.

To avoid any 'awkwardness' or obligation on their part, you may want to make sure your voucher arrives on the day or shortly thereafter (as many others here have suggested).