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Am I a wimp?

(75 Posts)
Musicelf Wed 25-Jul-18 12:32:15

A week ago I had a very frightening accident on the motorway, when an enormous HGV pulled across into me on the inside lane/hard shoulder (it's one of the "smart" motorways) and pushed me into the barrier. Amazingly I got out completely unscathed. The lorry driver was mortified and very solicitous, and took full responsibility.

My car was written off, of course, but everyone has been amazed that I was unhurt, and managed to open the door and get out.

However, I'm getting horrible flash-backs to that sight of the approaching HGV, and keep thinking "what-ifs" - I'm too nervous to go back onto the motorway and feel a bit of a wimp. I know I have to do it - like riding a bike or a horse, etc. - but I get a bit of a panic attack when I see a lorry. I was meant to be driving a few hundred miles down to Devon next week to see my daughter, but I've had to postpone, as it's just too far, and too much.

Has anyone else been in the same position? Any tips for finding my courage??!

curlilox Thu 26-Jul-18 11:15:21

What an awful experience for you. I'm so glad you are physically unharmed. It's frightening when a large vehicle hits you, you have no control over the situation. I had a large cement mixer drive into the back of my car several years ago and had flashbacks just like you describe. I was nervous every time I saw a large vehicle getting close behind me. I went to my GP. He told me it was delayed shock and he prescribed a course of diazepam (only one course), which did help. It will take a while, but you will eventually regain your confidence. I hope you feel better soon.flowers

ValC Thu 26-Jul-18 11:18:56

Musicelf what a horrible experience for you and it is quite understandable that you feel no longer able to drive on motorways now. I agree with all the advice you have been given and truly hope that you will soon be able to 'bite the bullet' and get back on there. For no reason other than the volume of traffic I avoid motorways whenever possible, preferring to take the 'scenic route'.
With the amount of accidents involving HGV vehicles, always with the excuse of 'blind spots', don't you think that in this day and age someone would have come up with some sort of rear view mirror with NO 'blind spots'.
A long time ago I was a back seat passenger in a car (I am talking about junior school age and am now in my 70's) that overturned turning a corner and to this day I practically crawl round corners, much to the disgust of people behind me.
Hope you can overcome this soon and are able to visit your family without having panic attacks.

PS : I would also like to know what a 'smart' motorway is?

Rosina Thu 26-Jul-18 11:24:22

You are absolutely not a wimp - you have had a terrifying experience that could have ended in disaster; thank goodness it didn't . There is lots of advice here to help, but please do not be hard on yourself - it would be remarkable - and probably not good for your future emotional well being - if you weren't dealing with the after shock now. Take care.

Legs55 Thu 26-Jul-18 11:43:57

Musicelf so pleased you've been driving again, do get a couple of "Motorway" lessons with a qualified instructor to give you the confidence to drive on your own again. I hate Motorway driving, always have done & I passed my test in 1973. I lived in Sunbury on Thames for 22 years, for the first 10 years I avoided driving on the M25hmm, DH always did that bit although I did drive on the M3 & M6 when we went to visit my Mum in Yorkshire.

18 months ago I drove totally on my own to see my Mum, first time on my own without DH to share the driving, 300 miles from Devon to Yorkshire, M5 & M6 mostly. I stopped overnight both ways on that 1st journey but I've done the journey 3 times since, straight through.

I hope you recover your confidence, I love being independent. Wishing you wellflowers

Just a note regarding insurance, the insurance company will only pay the "book value" for the vehicle, no matter whether it is your own insurance or the other driver's insurance that pays out.

tigger Thu 26-Jul-18 11:45:51

I was whacked by a lorry and remember thinking is this it, is this how I am going to die. Occurred three years ago but avoid the road where it took place and I too am very cautious about lorries. But you do need to bite the bullet and the longer you leave it the worse it will be.

4allweknow Thu 26-Jul-18 12:02:33

Go with GrannieSue's idea. You are not wimp. If you had had any kind of trauma you would have the same result. Cannot rub out what happened but you can though not let it rule your life. It was not your fault. Good luck getting back on the "horses.

Mauriherb Thu 26-Jul-18 12:03:15

Sorry to hear of your experience, I'm very glad that you are ok physically. Some good advice on here, I hope you manage to overcome your fears and NO , you are definitely not a wimp x

4allweknow Thu 26-Jul-18 12:03:36

Oops "horse".

MamaCaz Thu 26-Jul-18 12:09:30

I still don't get why lorries don't have to have some sort of system that enables them to see things on their left. You wouldn't think it would be that difficult to do, would you, in this day and age?

sarahellenwhitney Thu 26-Jul-18 12:21:04

I have every sympathy for you having been, many years ago, in an accident which someone else was responsible for. You say you are getting flashbacks and what if's.
Been there.
This indicates you need help in getting rid of these thoughts and until you do no matter how much help from well meaning friends who offer to accompany you the vision will remain Do you need to post phone your visit to Devon ?take the train or bus and when you get back see your GP who can refer you to the right persons who will help you eradicate these visions enabling you to get back on the road with confidence.

Kerenhappuch Thu 26-Jul-18 12:47:35

Similar experience - I was pulling past a LH drive lorry when it pulled out and banged the passenger side. We took off spinning as if we'd been snookered and I honestly thought in that moment we were going to die. By some miracle we ended up against the barrier at the side of the road.

I was dreadfully nervous when next being driven on a motorway, and still am a little nervous. Driving myself to places came back through necessity, but I had a near panic attack driving on a strange road in the dark.

I ended up going to counselling as there were a lot of issues upsetting me as well as the crash, and talking about the accident and my fears has definitely helped. I think flashbacks and 'what ifs' are quite normal after a trauma, and nothing to be ashamed of.

Jalima1108 Thu 26-Jul-18 12:52:09

Two young friends of ours had accidents caused by lorry drivers - one was dragged along for quite some way and the other was 'flipped' and left facing the traffic the wrong way on a motorway (with a baby in the car too). Another lorry managed to pull up and blocked the rest of the traffic so she wasn't hit again.
All were very shocked.

jocork Thu 26-Jul-18 12:55:18

When I was a young driver I had a very scary near miss on the motorway and was terrified of driving on the motorway alone for years. I used to pick up hitchhikers for company as I was so scared on my own! I did eventually get over it but it took time. Don't be hard on yourself. You are NOT a wimp!
In retrospect the hitchhikers were potentially more of a risk than the road!

Gin Thu 26-Jul-18 14:49:21

We were hit by a Czech lorry pulling out into the middle lane and we ended up in front of his vehicle being pushed down the motorway. I was in the passenger seat and thought the end was nigh! I can no longer drive on motorways and am a very nervous passenger.

If I had confronted my fears at an early stage I feel I could have overcome them and really regret not doing so.

Be brave and go for it.

Camelotclub Thu 26-Jul-18 15:18:46

Might be worth asking your GP about some therapy. You'll probably have to pay for it but if it helps...

Also, consider getting a dashcam so if anything did happen again you've got evidence. I know this doesn't help your fear but it might come in useful. I have one called Apeman, only £28 on Amazon.

PS Journey to Devon can be done on the A303 then A38 or A30 depending on where you're coming from and going to. They're dual carriageway a lot of the way but no motorway bits.

Camelotclub Thu 26-Jul-18 15:21:11

PS Gin is right. Get on top of this before it overwhelms you. FWIW I hate motorways too - I am fine as long as traffic is moving but loathe jams as I get panicky and claustrophobic. This is very different to your fears though.

Also, statistically, they are the safest form of road as you don't have small lanes branching off them with Farmer Giles and his tractor pulling in front of you! And you have a clear view ahead.

Grandad1943 Thu 26-Jul-18 15:54:33

Having been a heavy vehicle driver in my early working year, can perhaps try to explain the problems of articulated vehicle drivers having reduced driving awareness in certain conditions in regards to the sides of the driver unit and trailer.

When an articulated vehicle is stopped or running in a straight line the driving mirrors on the outside of the cab (known as the unit) will obviously be lined up to give the driver clear vision down both sides of the vehicle. The foregoing is exactly the same as the driver mirrors on a car.

However, as soon as the artic starts a turn to the left or right the driving mirrors on the unit go out of line with the trailor while the entire turn is taking place. In that, the only view the driver has from the mirrors at that time is either the flat side of the trailer or a very wide angle of the road.

With a steep right-hand turn it is possible for the driver to look down the side of the trailer from the driver door window but that becomes much more difficult with a left-hand turn being that the driver has to lean far forward over the steering wheel to get any road vision from the nearside door window, thus obstructing the turning of the steering wheel while that is carried out.

HGV vehicles are fitted with many cameras these days and digital tachographs monitor everything the driver does in conjunction with vehicle tracking. With that, there is also a very high standard required to qualify to drive heavy vehicles with up to fourteen different tests to be taken to gain the highest grade LGV driving licence.

A certificate of professional competency (CPC) has also to be obtained every four years to retain an LGV licence. that entails undertaking a minimum of forty hours retraining in various skills associated with the occupation.

The last figures I have seen in recent times stated that the UK was fifty thousand truck drivers short, as to few people now wished to join the road distribution industry due to all the above requirements.

It may well be that the current shortage of stocks being reported by the media in regard to Britain's supermarkets may well be due to that shortage of qualified LGV drivers I feel.

Apologies if i have stated here what many forum member may be already aware of, but many i am sure are not.

micmc47 Thu 26-Jul-18 16:48:00

No, you are most definitely not a wimp. Your reaction is perfectly normal. The Fire Service had to cut me out of my car last month, after a boy racer t-boned me off the road with such force it ripped the back wheel clean off my X-Trail tank. Whiplash and a grand collection of bruises, but a lucky escape. I'm still having flashbacks and disturbing dreams now, which my GP reckons could last some time yet. Early days. Just hang on in their, live with it, and remind yourself it could have been so much worse.

Bez1989 Thu 26-Jul-18 18:44:47

MUSIC ELF. ...You've had some FANTASTIC ADVICE from others here so I won't add to it !

The one about going by train sounds good tò me though and reserve a seat to be in comfort !?

The first time I drove to visit my parents in Ćornwall from the midlands on.my own ( following my divorce when my husband always drove before) I started out at 4am as I couldn't sleep anyway !
It was WONDERFUL seeing the dawn break on a fairly empty M5 and it boostéd my confidence a great deal.
GOOD LUCK with whichever way you decide to conquer your fear of motorway driving....and maybe ask for an angel to keep you safe while travelling ?
sunshineflowerssunshine

Bez1989 Thu 26-Jul-18 18:54:02

PS....It seems to me that there might well have been SOMEONE PROTECTING YOU in your dreadful experience anyway !

SO MAYBE GIVE THANKS FOR
THAT TÒÒ ?
sunshinesmilesunshine

LuckyFour Thu 26-Jul-18 19:15:54

Get a good up-to-date map and drive down to Devon on A-roads. They are much more civilised. There is so much more to see and the traffic goes a lot slower and more carefully. You get to see more of our pretty towns on the way too. Give yourself extra time, then just amble along.

My DH and I do this when driving to our daughters and we often stop somewhere nice overnight and then amble on in the morning.

Millie8 Thu 26-Jul-18 19:38:10

So glad you are ok.

Have a think about Hypnotherapy. Its not "funny stuff" just deep relaxation and understanding of your predicament.
Two sessions cured me of panic attacks and a friend of the fear of flying.
Good luck.

bikergran Fri 27-Jul-18 12:32:24

Just a little note......I think sometime we think we "have"! to use the motorways because there there!

But why........think back to when we didnt have all these motorways/junctions etc etc we had all the "old roads" as we used to call them

I am moidering about having to go on the motorways across county from Lancashire to Hull... Then I think

what the heck...I can go the "old way" before the motorway was ever there.

Just think back to when you used to go out as a child in the car....like to the seaside etc.

Yes it may take an hour longer but does it matter, just set off earlier if your ever going on long journey, stay overnight.

Ive just drove up to Whitby (with my £2 road atlas on my own for first time since dh wasnt here.

I have to admit I did take a wrong turn blush lol took me 20 mins out my way but didnt matter.

Sooo....if you don't want to use the mortoways then don't be forced to, enjoy the quiter back roads with places to stop and have a break a walk round etc, dont put pressure on yourselves thinking you have! to use motorways. smile

I must say I am going to invest in a sat nav for future use.
happy and safe driving everyone smile

petra Fri 27-Jul-18 20:13:55

I was at the darford crossing when a lorry run down the side of me and proceeded to push me up against another Lorry.
In a split second I realised he didn't even know he had hit me as we were both still moving.
I realised my only escape was through the sun roof. Fortunately the Lorry that he was pushing me into realised what was happening, jumped out of his cab and stopped him.
I've been wary of lorries ever since. It does fade, but it's always there.