Just pop in for a moment

Yes, I agree with you - your mother deserves better service. There should be a definite system at the home for confidentially recording next-of-kin's contact details.

I think you should raise this with the home.

Also, it is not the place of the staff to imply that you ought to visit more if you live in Scotland and your mother is in another country.

Thank you, my Mother lives in Scotland and I live in Belguim, have done for more than 20 years so not a recent move.
All the family details are recorded in her care package, and just to take a number off a card and phone is is awful.
DS2 will be asking a few questions this evening.

I agree after 9 years the staff should be aware of your mother's circumstances. It is not their place to comment on family relationships. I would be having strong words with the management.
I speak as someone who managed a residential care home for many years, I would be appalled if this happened on my watch.

Me too sodapop. I was night sister in charge of a care home or many years. We would never have presumed to ring a random number on a card. If I needed to contact relatives, I always consulted the care plan in the front if which were all the contact details for relatives.
Felice, this is unacceptable. I would complain to the home manager, not the unit manager as it would appear that this person does not follow correct procedures.

Thats awful and no wonder you are so upset and for her to say that you don’t visit very often is totally out of order and rude in my opinion. If she isn’t reading the care plan that it itself is worrying as you can only wonder what else she isn’t doing right. Care plans are out there for a reason. It’s important that they get it right as there is no second chances when the person passes.

Definitely a bit slap dash regarding your Mother's details. Personally I would be livid and contact the Care Commission in Dundee to report this lack of proper personal details. Goodness knows what else they are slap dash about. With the length of time your Mother has lived there her details should be well known.

Just to update my Mother died quietly in her sleep last night. DS2 was with her until about an hour before then she just went to sleep.
I will be having some words when I go over to get everything sorted next week.
Now back to contacting family etc
thanks x

My heartfelt sympathy. How lucky you were to have your mother in your life for so long, even though it sounds as if the past nine years weren’t so good. I had issues regarding the care my father received in his last few days, but once he was gone it felt irrelevant. Look after yourself and give your mother a lovely farewell.

my sincere condolences Felice.
A sad time, however much not unexpected, given her amazing age.
A wrench at whatever age.

felice

felice

So sorry you had careless incompetence to cope with in your mother’s last days.

Please accept my sympathy on the death of your Mum. Give yourself time to grieve but I do think you need to complain both to the manager/owner of the home and the care commission for the home. This is unacceptable behaviour and they need to learn from your appalling experience. Keep strong and care for yourself and your family.

m

Felice ?

My condolences on the loss of your mother.I agree with Patticake that you should complain because other families will have to go through the same thing otherwise.

So sorry felice that you have been upset by this incompetence just before your mother's passing

So sorry for the loss of your mother

I, too, think that you should complain once you feel up to it - you have much else to cope with at the moment. Your action will, hopefully, prevent something similar happening to another family.

Deepest condolences on the loss of your Mother - one would hope the care home learns a valuable lesson once you launch your well justified rockets.

How dare they criticise you for how often you did or did not visit. Incredibly rude, not to mention judgemental - especially as actually reading available documents would have told them all they needed to know.

Its not for staff to comment at all on anything beyond the care of the person they are looking after.
Its appalling that they did.

So sorry for your loss felice, particularly coming as it did so soon after the upset with the unit manager.

You should definitely make a formal complaint to the care home, firstly for ringing a random number, and secondly for having the sheer nerve to tick you off about visiting your mother. What a damn cheek!

If they'd followed correct procedure and checked the care package neither of these appalling errors would have taken place. Shocking imo.

That is appalling!

I am so sorry to hear this. My dad died last night and the care home just went above and beyond to help him and me. I feel at peace knowing it was what he wanted.

Condolences to you both felice and dragonfly46.

I would call and ask to speak to the owner ( private or council) and say their senior staff need more training as the person you spoke to had no idea of the importance of knowing about each of their resident's personal circumstances. Particularly for a long standing one, there 's no excuse.

Even if it was a new manger starting that day it does not account for how you were criticised for not visiting and sloppy recording of contact details. Say you will put all your concerns in an email and ask the owner to let you know what steps are being taken to rectify this situation. If this happened to you, it will happen to others living there and incompetent staff need to be called out. If you choose to work in the care industry, you need to show care to residents and their families.