Who is your back up?

pinkjj27, that is really sad. I am glad you eventually found a solution.

Other than the pain and difficulty in walking I am in very good health for my age as I have led a healthy life style, good diet etc no trouble with my brain function which makes it harder to bear.

Was tempted to call you a bed blocker but not everyone shares my awful sense of humour and I didn't want to get flamed :D

With this sort of situation - and of course assuming one can afford it - there are agencies that can provide short term carers or even nurses to cover this sort of event.

My husband died. Then about a year later I started to feel unwell My doctor sent me home said it was grieve. I had a pain in my side and felt weak . It got worse so I rang my doctor again but he dismissed me. I went to A&E The hospital told me i was too old for appendicitis and said it was wind.

The pain was so bad I could hardly walk but I knew if i stayed in doors and collapsed I would die alone, so I tried to go to work, I was weak, white as a ghost and burning up. I collapsed at the train station and was rushed in an ambulance. The hospital called my daughters but neither came, but one did text me. It was Easter so everyone had family events . My appendix were leaking I had to have an emergency operation before they burst there were complication and I was very poorly . No one came to see me in hospital although my son in law did text me to tell me how inconvenient it was. My phone had lost battery so I couldn't call any friends most live to far from me anyway. I was discharged about 3 weeks later. The hospital signed me off work for 12 weeks but the doctor forgot to put a care package in place. I was home alone unable to walk or do much more than lift a cup, no food so weak. Finally I felt so ill I rang a doctor who did eventually come out. I had developed an infection and was rushed into hospital again . When I left someone got the mental health team involved as I was very anxious very low with grieve and stress and they came with a big food parcel and some one to talk for a couple of weeks before discharging me from their care . But yes I have been in your situation its a very lonely feeling. I hope you feel better soon and get some support.

See what is available through your local county council voluntary organisations. Some local councils have befrienders who could pop in to assist you

I am also in a similar poition to you and have in recent years had some minor ops and in some ways even whenn still hadd partner like to be left alone when unwell which goes back to childhood.
I dont know what the answer is but when I have been recovering I used to pamper myself and in terms of housework standards dropped and kept a flask of hot water and coffee near to save moving just to make a drink.

Just as an aside. I volunteer for a local charity providing community transport. They have volunteer drivers who take those people who are unable to drive or who don't have easy access to public transport to doctors and hospital appointments. We have at least 1000 people on our books who use us regularly. Might be worth checking to see if that service is available in your area. There is a charge but it is tiny compared to using a taxi.

I am in a similar situation as you. I've been on my own for more years than I'd like to admit to. My only son and his family live in NZ and there really is no-one I could call on should something go seriously wrong with my health.
At least in this country, there are safety nets available, but it is a scary thought and one, now that I'm getting older, I've become very aware of.

I’m in a similar situation. I’m sure lots of people are. My children live 200 miles away. My friends (not many, but good) are as decrepit as I am. It’s very difficult. I’m due to have a cataract operation, with complications, at the end of this month and one son is going to come to be with me for a short time. Everyday life is getting difficult. I’m all right in the house, just about, but I am so shaky on my feet that I could do with someone to be with me when I go to medical appointments. At the moment I am putting off a visit to the dentist because I’m not sure how I’ll manage.

One of my best friends is due to have a breast cancer op soon. She too is quite alone except for a brother many miles away. She was hoping to go into some form of convalescent care afterwards but has not managed to find anywhere. I wish I’d seen this thread earlier! Her brother is coming to take her home from hospital, but he can’t stay. She is intending to manage alone, but she won't beable to use her right hand, and she doesn’t even have a microwave. She has lots of acquaintances who will help, I’m sure. I’m no use except as someone to talk to.

We often say how annoying it is the way doctors etc always seem to think everyone has willing family around the corner to drive us around, pick us up and accompany us if needed.

I live on my own, no family at all and I am recovering from a knee replacement. I do have a cleaner who comes weekly for 3 hours and I could not manage without her.

After discharge I was allocated 40 minutes of help but I could wash and dress etc so she ended up emptying the rubbish bin or making me a light breakfast. If I had needed her help beyond 4 weeks I would have had to have paid. I was pleased to get my house back again.

It is difficult washing and drying clothes not to mention trying to cook. I also have a cat who comes first.

I had a taste 5 years ago when I had my other knee replaced and I did some alterations in and out of the house after that. At least this time I could get in my front door because I had the path raised. I have laminate or ceramic floors everywhere and in my present position there are no rugs in situ.

Everything takes longer to do- I shop on line and one GN who I met at a coffee morning 3 years ago is visiting this week and bringing bread etc.

My very independent mum eventually moved into a sheltered housing complex where you buy your own self contained flat with shared facilities available (laundry room, community room etc.) and support if required. She only moved because her sister was already living there and had been nagging her for ages to go. It was a lovely setting with beautiful grounds and she quickly made many friends and got involved in all sorts of activities. She confided to me once that she wished she’d moved when her sister first suggested it 2 years previously but she’d been worried about losing her freedom. She was very happy there. I’m definitely going to look into something similar when I get older as I’m only early 50’s at the moment.

Bijou what a horrible situation! Sending you lots of hugs. Can you contact your local PALS (Patient Advice and Liaison Service)? I would have thought they would be able to address some of your issues at the care home, as you were sent there by the hospital, and it is a continuation of your treatment. Also the CQC needs to know what's going on in the care home.

Also have had no physio.

I am in the same position. I have children but not locally. Getting or should I say, asking for help is hard, I recently turned down back surgery because I knew I wouldn't be able to cope and I am to stubborn to ask for help. What can you do except get on with it. X

Bijou Make sure you give the place an online review when you leave (as long as you are not likely to be sent back anytime soon).

This is something that worries me. I don't really know what I would do if I had to recover from something like a knee or hip op. When I had flu at the beginning of the year I wasn't well enough to enough do an online food order at the beginning. Thankfully I was able to do it (over a few days) before I totally ran out of food. Thankfully I had enough money on my debit card and we can do that in this country.
It has made me rethink things so I am putting an emergency food box together and trying to think about how I can make things easier. If I know I have to go into hospital I will buy a small fridge and have mild and cold drinks and a kettle near my sofa and hopefully just have to hobble to the loo. I am also trying to save enough so that I can get help in when I need it although it would not be possible for anyone to stay overnight.
It is never as easy when you are on your own (although, lets face it, some partners aren't that much use with illness).
I like the idea of respite care and may look at that at some time so that I am not having to make crisis decisions. There is always a worry when you are on your own that you may end up going into residential care because of problems which are not permanent.

I finished radiotheraphy for anal cancer on May 2nd which was successful but on 18th June experienced agonising pain in my back and was hospitalised. Found a hairline fracture. in base of spine caused by the radiotheraphy. Was prescribed strong pain killers every four hours but couldn’t walk without severe pain. Have been sent to a care home for rehab but wish I was back in hospital. The medication is not administered on time and often coincides with meal time which makes it impossible to eat. The food anyway is not as good as the hospital. Very stodgy. The evening meal is 6.30 and there is nothing until breakfast until 9 am. Not even a cup of tea. I have always been independent now feel lIke I am a prisoner. At least in hospital there were other patients to talk to and had nice clean sheets.

I'm surprised that the hospital didn't help more. Get in touch with the red cross they have an independent living crisis team who will help you get the support you need

I know the hospital arranged for a lovely lady to come and help my mum with dressing and breakfast for a short while, I was working and did the evening, as far as I can remember mum hadn't even asked. I am just wondering if Age UK would be of any help with finding help. I hope your knee feels easier soon.

LiltingLyrics I feel for you as I ,too, have been there but believe me you will soon feel on top of things. You are low at the moment. Having to be hospitalized is horrible, feelings of vulnerability and losing ones independence. Your knee will get better and a little bit of exercise won't do any harm. The experience gave me an opportunity to organize. I have a grocery delivery as and when I need it (internet) and a regular cleaner through an agency. I have thought about the future and will be ready to put plans in place when I need them. You will soon be up and about again. Lots of living in you yet. Much love.

I want to show this post to my mother who is currently needing the family to run around after her and who is "^stubbornly independent^and doesn't enjoy being fussed over. I'd love to leave her to a neighbour.
I hope you recuperate well and Willow500 offers some very useful advice about how to make things a little easier on the knee. There is a balance to recovery, too little action can be as damaging as too much but your body should tell you which way you need to go. Temporary care can be organised by the hospital if needed so they must be confident you can manage.

A friend of mine was in this position after cancer surgery. She booked in for respite care at a local residential care home. They took great care of her and she was very happy with the home. It is modern and has good facilities, run by a large local charity. It wasn’t cheap, but worth it for her. She has done this on a couple of occasions since.

It is difficult and can be depressing. You’re fortunate to have neighbours willing and able to help, not everyone does.
Looking back to the time after knee replacement the most helpful things were microwavable ready meals and a lightweight tray trolley. The latter was provided on free loan after I asked the visiting nurse advice on buying one. Hospital transport also helped by getting me to physio and, of course, I used online grocery delivery.
It was a lonely time but each tiny achievement brought me nearer being able to get out again. I hadn’t anticipated how unsupported I felt and, on a bad day, still do.

Adult social care should step in .With family overseas I could not expect them to come over to me following my first hip replacement, now waiting for the second. The hospital notified ADS of my situation These lovely ladies were to call on me every morning, half an hour for six weeks, and were to help me shower /dress /make me breakfast any personal things I found difficult to do myself and half hour evening to help with a meal or get me ready for bed.. You need to look into this as I am sure if you are in the UK you are entitled to this.