Today's silly phone call

Had call "Your loft insulation is out of date", let him continue on then I said "really that's funny we have no loft, therefore we have no loft insulation so how can this non-existent loft insulation be out of date" he was not happy

I keep getting calls on my mobile from random numbers. The nice sounding lady says she understands I’ve recently had an accident.
Last time, having had several of these calls during the week, I replied “Yes, it was terrible. I’m in such pain”. She hung up!

And how about artificial grass. I told the caller that I only had a window box. That's OK, we can supply and fit small places.

It's the Indian accent from someone who says his name is David or John that gives away the fact that it's a cold call.

if i get annoying phone calls from sales people I just put phone down and walk away letting them talk to themselves. Then go back 10 mins late and block call just in case they call back.

Yes, well I’ve just had one asking to speak to my husband (by name) as he had contacted them re PPI claim.

I said it wasn’t possible.

He has been dead for many years and in any case the PPI he had paid out for his credit card in full.

Hardly likely to make a claim!

Had phone call from India today from lady claiming to be from call blocking company. She asked if i was getting unsolicited cold call. My response was, 'yes, this one'. End of conversation.

We have a sandstone cottage, 132 years old. It has the original sash and case windows, with the original glass, and yet salespersons want me to replace, at enormous cost, these windows with UPVC double glazed units WITH A 10 YEAR GUARANTEE.

BTW Because it was impossible to roll glass out thinly, glass which is over 100yo is twice as thick and heavy as modern window glass and therefore provides heat and noise insulation comparable to double glazing.

I have been known to start a random conversation with cold callers, regardless of what they say I just chatter on, talking about imaginary events in my day. Sometimes they even join in ! Then put the phone on the side and wander off. Usually they are gone by the time i wander back.
Had an issue with religious callers at the door years ago. In the end I politely told them I was a pagan just about to start a ritual sacrifice and did they want to join me, strangely they didn't and I wasn't bothered again.

Juliet27 They are very clever. Here in Scotland the foreign accented callers are usual called Mhairi, Rhuridh, or Jamie.

Some lovely ones on this thread! Some years back I lived in a village that had no mains gas. I had a call asking if I was interested in gas central heating, as lots of villagers were thrilled with theirs.

I strung him along for ages and the poor boy was getting quite excited at the thought of his imminent commission. When I asked him if they would also supply the gas, he wavered. "Haven't you got gas...?"

"None of us in the village has gas, and very few have got the liquid gas thingies in the garden either."

CLUNK!

It's called doing your research, sonny.

'I'm from BT reach and have to tell you that you broadband will be cut off for 2 weeks because of massive hacking' and so he blurbed on and I couldn't get a word in edgewise. He paused for breath and I said 'Does it matter that I'm not with BT?' Silence ensued. Hallelujah!

They work from a script but lack the common sense and knowledge to deviate from it. I get two calls a day from Virgin telling me of the fantastic offer I can get if I upgrade my phone. I have told them repeatedly that I’m not interested, that we changed to Sky so can get a better deal with them and to mark my file with instructions not to call me. They say they will but it’s made no difference so I put their number in my contacts so it shows they are calling and I don’t answer the phone to them any more.

I got a call last wk(one in a long list of many that wk)! So exasparated by this 'last straw' i couldnt help blurting out "look im sorry but i really dont need what your offering and i have to go now"&put phone down.The young man ACTUALLY rang me straight back and accused me of being rude! And him doing that he doesnt class as being rude?! Cheeky young tyke! When i said i didnt mean to be but id just like my number taken off their list he retorted that "my doing what id done wasnt going going to get my details taken off was it?"It beggars belief what sort of (if any)training they are given for these jobs doesnt it.?

My DH , upon taking a nuisance call, always says, 'Oh no, I'm not Mr M, I'm afraid you can't speak to him now, he's in prison!'

Enjoyed this thread - some really funny comments. Keep up the good work.

I've tried two approaches, both have some interesting effects, but usually it goes quiet at the other end - here they are:

1.) Caller: "Hello, have you worked in industry, which was noisy?
Me: "How did you get this number, it's on a restricted list, and is constantly monitored"
Caller: silence, and then click..

2.) Caller: "Mr. ?? - we are just ringing to say your computer is throwing up errors, and we need to log in and update the security...."
Me: "Pronto?"
Caller: "You have a problem with your Windows computer"
Me: "Mi dispiace, non capisco, sono in vacanza dall'Italia".
Caller: silence, and then click.

Mind you sometimes the Windows ones are more persistent, so I then use the ... 'just a minute while I get a pen ploy.

There are signs at each end of our road and at nearly every front door stating that we don’t do business with cold callers. One of the neighbours set it up in conjunction with our community police officer. It doesn’t deter some people though and when I pointed out the sign to one person he said he had a living to make!

Maybe its better when they DO stick to a script& not deviate from it......?

Loving that maddyone!-might give it a try.lol

I can't speak Welsh, but I do remember a lot of Welsh hymns, and I find a quick (spoken) verse of Calon Lan or similar is great fun.

My mother, when called about her windows problem (she doesn't have a computer) tells them she's thrilled to hear from them, as her husband would like to speak to them. "Speak to him," she says, "He's a policeman, and understands this sor........" CLUNK.

Only 2 or 3 people use our landline. Everyone else uses our mobiles so if house phone rings I am expecting a nuisance call.
I never waste any of my time & hang up as soon as I hear a voice-often automated.
We can get really good free stickers from library telling callers that we do not want cold callers & if they do not go immediately the police will be called. Everyone in our road has one & we don't get bothered.
We also have a sign at end of road saying it is a Neighbourhood Watch Area ( it is) & police will be called if we get anyone knocking.
It works very well but it doesn't stop politicians or religious groups. TBH I can cope with them by politely saying we don't discuss these matters with strangers in the street.

I do like to have a bit of fun too, sometimes I sit in silence and just listen to the cold caller on the phone warble on about double glazing/ PPI/ the accident I had... blah blah...

Once sat so quietly and when the caller finally stopped talking to ask if I was interested I pretended I was asleep and let out a little snore... he was calling and calling, ‘Madam...? Hello?’ and there I was snoring...

He called his workmates ‘oh my god! come and listen to this! This woman has fallen asleep on me!’

Cue his work colleague..’ change your patter mate. You won’t get any sales if you’re boring them to sleep!’

Had to stop myself from laughing as he hung up the phone

Had a call yesterday from a cold caller about an accident I’d apparently had! I replied that yes unfortunately I had hit someone in the car. She put me through to her supervisor and he asked me what had happened, so I said that some bloke had stepped out in front of my car which was rather stupid of him as I didn’t have a licence or insurance! Needless to say he hung up. But it was quite fun well I enjoyed it anyway

I know this is a funny thread and I do think all your responses are very inventive, but having had a son and daughter who both had to do cold calling in temp jobs as a means to pay the rent I have a lot of sympathy with anyone who has to do this horrible job! Personally, I don't answer any number I don't recognise (caller ID is a godsend!). My son told me that when he did the job he wasn't allowed to put the phone down or deviate from the script at all, no matter what the person he was calling said. His advice was just to say 'I'm not interested' and put the phone down. Then the cold caller can get on with his or her job, bothering someone else. I do think that stringing them along and allowing them to think they've got a potential sale is a bit mean, although very tempting! But the one who phoned back to say you were rude nannan2 deserved to get a mouthful in return - show him hire rude us oldies can be!

This is when living in a foreign country helps, even if you know the language. I just answer in English and the caller starts fumbling around because they don't have an English script and usually reply "sorry" and hang up.

Only time that didn't work was when the Jehovah's Witnesses came to my door, prattering away in Dutch. I said (as always), "I don't speak Dutch," and they replied, in perfect English, "Oh! We have a Watchtower in English too!"

Gah.

I get the calls from Microsoft too...luckily I can reply with all honesty, "Um, I'm on a MAC, dumbass." :p