Sorry but I am so sad

No Nfk, I know what you meant x

cornishclio, yes I think their mother dying only six months ago has caused me to feel as I do about the girls moving , but not the reason I think the little one is making a big mistake moving so far from the university .

I have not told them I am upset at them moving away,I suggested the little one moved to another university

Annie
We seem to be living in a magpie zone.
I am forever saluting single magpie.
My daughter also bids them Good Morning or Afternoon

Annie once your youngest DGD has travelled backwards and forwards a few times she may well wish to change her Uni..
I'm afraid it's a just watch and wait situation.

Cherry me to and it’s all my husbands fault ? they are beautiful though

Not as many magpies around here as there used to be. But more rooks, crows, jackdaws, buzzards and now red kites. They’re being ousted.

I think they are taunting me, there is a beautiful cherry blossom tree at the front of my house, lots of birds and the Magpies are there most days . Gosh that explains it, the Magpies ?

I think the putting it in a box idea has a certain appeal. I have a friend who closes doors on rooms in her mind. They are just little ideas that may buyus a few minutes respite. Annie your situation is so raw and recent these ideas probably not really relevant. One thing I have noticed in my own life is any loss or grief seems to poke at other loss somehow.

I will get back on track, just a lot of gaps to fill in a short time x

Sorry oldbatty but no way.
I am sure it is meant kindly but you really have no idea.

An example of how the mystical box doesn’t work. I have been busy this morning, made mug of tea and had a flit through what films were on tv later. Up came ‘Cool Hand Luke’, my darling girl had such a thing for Paul Newman for years, suddenly memories of shared laughter engulfed me and a wish I could phone her to tell her the film was on, brought on such an ache to hear that laughter again.

no wish to offend, but I a kind person and I have had my fair share of bad stuff. I don't subscribe to the "put stuff in a box" theory. God wouldn't it be great if we could do that!!

All I was saying was, sometimes a little trick like this ( I think it might be CBT ?) can buy you a tiny window of respite from the constant churning and thinking

was it you Maw who commented that its unkind to be negative about elderly parents? Of course it is but its unkind of them to refuse point blank to make adjustments and be vile to me, whilst heaping adoration on strangers.

Anyhow sorry folks, I'm rambling this is not my thread.

annie no wise words from me just continued prayers for your spirits to be lifted and for you to find some peace ( hug)

Thank you Doodle, please keep me there X

I don’t know if it was or not oldbatty.
I look back at missed opportunities to make my late parents’ lives happier and am very sorry. So perhaps I think some people should cut them some slack. They may have failing mental faculties and they won’t be there for ever.
I also look back at Paw’s and my life together and regret time “wasted”which we will never get back. I do not subscribe to neat theories about “putting things in boxes” as I subscribe to a holistic approach to loss and grieving.

I think we all have regrets Maw because "of all the forms of wisdom, hindsight is by general consent the least merciful, the most unforgiving". Quote - John Fletcher.
I think we all need to be cut more slack! Each generation seems to find both the one before and the one after them to be very diferent and consequently hard to deal with.
It is only theories which turn out to be neat. From recent experience (and observation of someone close to me) I do not think it possible to compartmentalise or put things in boxes so I suppose that means I agree with "a holistic approach" but I have no idea what that would look like, so to speak. Any help with that would be much appreciated as it might assist me to be more helpful. The older I get the more I realise there is to learn!

Sorry Maw that is impossible! Don't worry about trying to answer that one for me as I don't think it can be done. People spend a lifetime writing books on that sort of thing after all.

I think we agree with each other synonymous.
I have in the past, tried to “compartmentalise” issues in my life, “file” them and try to allow other things to occupy my mind. While still a full time Secondary teacher, that worked to a certain extent-a demanding class of teenagers left me little time to dwell on, for a short while, in the classroom at the time, paws redundancy, my elderly parents’ increasingly declining health 350 miles away (and refusal to move nearer) or indeed the diagnosis resulting in Paws liver transplant. The respite was temporary however and while it was respite of a sort, not a solution.
So it can come back to the gravity of the issue and whether or not there is in fact a solution or as is often the case, whether you have to work your own way through, living with the issue, learning to cope with it, learning to make it a part of your life- rather like you might live with a permanent physical disability or amputation. I am full of admiration for people like Doreen Lawrence who turned the unspeakable loss of her son Stephen to become a positive force in the community or like paralympians who have not only learned to accept their disability but are able to turn it to a positive part of their lives.
So I suppose that is what I mean by “holistic”.

I think we have to work our own through but support makes a difference.

I hope this is legible. It’s not too clear so I might try to transcribe it. But in the meantime, here it is.
I find it very true

This is better I hope.
Echo the sentiments. to all who are grieving.

That is true .

I know my husband would have chosen death over being severely disabled , I accepted that . Didn’t ease the loss I felt.

My darling daughter can no longer be hurt, no longer suffer the darkness her illness caused, I find acceptance in that, doesn’t ease my loss

Thank you for that Maw - so true.

Thank you Maw that is really helpful. I think many of us do all that instinctively which I know I do but I hadn't analysed it. I think I felt a bit like when you accidentally poke a wound and didn't really want to think it through myself which in itself isn't very good either.
I am trying to help DH be more accepting of all that has happened to him and it really is a type of bereavement. He feels he has lost so much of what he was but I keep telling him that what he was (and still is) is what is helping him to get through everything now. I feel a bit the same myself especially when he gets down as that is so unlike himself before the crash. The PTSD is the worst but he is getting help with that thank goodness. He has just had another op and we are hoping that is the last one. I expect it is post op blues and sadly we all have 'stuff' of some sort to work through!