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Don't want to wake up!

(40 Posts)
Dontaskme Sat 05-May-18 07:01:26

This is a two fold moan really.
My DH gets up at 5.40am every weekday to go off to work. I stopped work a year ago (loved it at first, really bored and fed up now) but the blinking racket he makes getting up, putting the light on, using the en suite, sitting on the bed bouncing it while putting on his socks (omg he's annoying!), makes sure that I know its getting up time. I feel so guilty if I don't join him for breakfast so I still do, even though I have a flipping long day ahead of me and COULD doss in bed for a while. He doesn't do any of this in a nasty way, just does it. I think I feel bad about not getting up as although I have stopped work I don't get a pension or anything for a few years yet, so he's working for me too.

The other issue is why oh why at the blinking weekend do I find it absolutely impossible to stay asleep beyond 5.40am, yet he's happily snoring his head off ? Not once have I been able to stay asleep, even when we've been on holiday. He'll be in his pit for another couple of hours while I creep about. Its so annoying! I don't mean annoying he can sleep in, annoying that I can't!

OldMeg Sat 05-May-18 07:07:16

???

I’d get a part time job if I were you. Lots of clues in your post that you need more than this. Just look around for something that you might enjoy.

travelsafar Sat 05-May-18 07:35:42

Try sleeping in another room.Lots of couple do this as lack of sleep is the worst thing ever for all concerned.

Greenfinch Sat 05-May-18 07:48:07

Get up with him and then have a fairly long nap in the afternoon.

Seaside22 Sat 05-May-18 08:12:13

Oh we had this problem for years.My husband had to be up at 4.30 am, I could never go back to sleep, we decided he would put his clothes in anothere bedroom, and use the other bathroom.Occasionally I would be able to drop back off to sleep, but more importantly I didn't feel as irritated with him, as you say bouncing on the edge of the bed.He has retired now , I work part time, and it feels so much better, me getting up to go to work instead of him, but we are still awake very early.I would look for something part time or at least maybe voluntary work, to fill your time.Good luck .

Poppyred Sat 05-May-18 08:39:59

When I'm up at 5am for an early shift, I move all my stuff to another bedroom so as not to disturb other half, only fair really.

Marydoll Sat 05-May-18 08:46:20

Dontaskme, I feel your pain. My DH was exactly the same when I was teaching and it was the school holidays.?.
Now retired, he is still does it, when he is off to play golf early in the morning. It drives me mad.

Panache Sat 05-May-18 08:51:08

There is another answer for your boredom Dontaskme....what about doing some Voluntary work?
You can choose which area and the hours best suited to you,make new friends,form another social life and furthermore have this "Feel good factor" for doing something worthwhile.

As for your thoughtless but rather boisterous hubby in the early mornings, surely a few gentle words in his "shell like"
would clearly give him the opportunity to mend his ways?.He is not a mind reader and without you protesting, of course this "disturbance" will continue, and at some point it will well and truly cause some real friction.
So strike now and make it happen............save your sanity and get those extra hours tucked up in bed!!!

Luckygirl Sat 05-May-18 08:54:37

loved it at first, really bored and fed up now - time for action on that score - get out there lass!!!! Voluntary work, U3A, joining things.........etc! It is a waste of your retirement years being like this - and (sorry to say this) your retirement years are your last years!!!!!

As to him waking you so early - ask him to put his clothes in another room, use the main bathroom rather than the ensuite, and to creep out into the other room to dress when he wakes. Doesn't seem an unreasonable ask.

jusnoneed Sat 05-May-18 09:00:30

I wouldn't be creeping about at weekends if I was awake and he was sleeping, give him a taste of his weekday routine! Bang about and let him know how annoying it can be, might make him think about his selfish behaviour the other days of the week.

Juggernaut Sat 05-May-18 09:15:18

My DH used to move all his work clothes etc to another bedroom before we went to bed, so apart from being vaguely aware of his alarm going off, I wasn't disturbed at all!
However, when he retired too, he would sleep until 8-00 whereas I was waking at his old alarm time of 5-30confused

sunseeker Sat 05-May-18 09:26:53

I do sympathise my DH was one of those annoying people who wake up whistling and singing, whereas I am definitely not a morning person. He learned very quickly not to even try to speak to me until he had delivered my morning cup of coffee to my bedside cabinet!!

Perhaps when he is bouncing up and down on the bed you could give him a gentle tap to remind him you are still trying to sleep (I know where you can buy a baseball bat quite cheaply!)

midgey Sat 05-May-18 09:37:54

Sunseekergrin.
Retirement is very tedious but there’s only one person who can change it!!

Luckygirl Sat 05-May-18 10:43:20

Or....when he is bouncing about on the bed, rip your nightie off and fling yourself at him in a passionate embrace. He'll be out that door like a shot - can't be late for work! And the next day he will creep out! grin

Situpstraight Sat 05-May-18 11:01:06

Luckygirl and there we have the perfect solution! Well done.

hildajenniJ Sat 05-May-18 11:18:19

My DH gets up at 03:30 some mornings! We have separate bedrooms now, and we are fortunate enough to have a downstairs shower room. It took a bit of getting used to, but I wouldn't change back?. Now, when we go on holiday I always try to find a twin room rather than share a double bed.

Dontaskme Sat 05-May-18 15:45:00

Old meg, Panache, lucky girl - I do loads of stuff but its just not the same. I do volunteer one half day a week and I knit for charity. I'm also halfway through doing a degree and am a telephone buddy for an elderly person. I can fill my time but I'm still bored and feel fed up. I gave up due to ill health, not because I retired and I'd love to be back at work.
Anyway thanks for the idea of the nightie removal luckygirl - I don't think he'd even notice tbh! I have "spoken" to him about his behaviour but it goes over his head I'm afraid.
Its the guilt thing about not having to get up, not having to be at work, not having to earn the pennies that makes me get up with him. My body clock is firmly set to 5.40am every day of the week which is a swine at the weekends - oh, and its a bank holiday on Monday so he'll be counting the z's while I'm up at dawn again!. I would love to nap in the afternoon but again feel guilty! I have a lot of guilt issues!
Sorry, I sound like a right moaning old shrew! Have a lovely sunny weekend everyone smile

Luckygirl Sat 05-May-18 20:21:25

Guilt about not having to get up!!!! What is this thing? It is the greatest joy of being retired.

The postman is used to me arriving at the door in my pjs.

Coconut Sun 06-May-18 09:16:30

1. Go back to bed with a cup of tea and a good book once he has gone to work.
2. Plan your retirement and fill your days with things you love and just enjoy every minute. I go power walking, swim, shows in London, casual work doing Invigilation in a school, plan my holidays, do lots of baking, make patchwork quilts, ladies who lunch etc

Kikibee Sun 06-May-18 09:34:47

I know you say he is not going this to be nasty but there is a bit of passive aggressive behaviour going on here in his part, maybe time for a chat so he can say what is driving this.. Maybe over a meal away from home rather than a direct confrontation. Yay for going back to bed with s cup of tea and a book, I work full time so that is a luxury for me at weekends. Hope all sorts itself out... these things can drag on if not resolved with a chat.

Sennelier1 Sun 06-May-18 09:48:49

I've been a stay-at-home mom, plenty to do,with the children etc., and now they're adults and out of the house ? They still come often, I get baby grandson regularly (but not daily!) and I still fill my days 100%. My occupations for your inspiration, and that's on top of the cleaning-cooking-ironing stuff of course : learning new languages (Arabic now, is my 8th), going to art-shows, making pictures and photo-albums, gardening, seeing friends, making clothes and practical things (like bibs) for grandson, drawing-class every tuesday. Also I'm the go-to person to help with the children of my much younger friends whose parents are no longer available to hop in. Some of these I allready did when the children still lived here, others are new. And some of them I do together with my husband, others on my own. Oh, and he's an early riser, I'm a nightowl ? I trained him ?

Tooyoungytobeagrandma Sun 06-May-18 09:50:02

Sleep in another room. After years of lack of sleep with his snoring (and him refusing to do anything) &getting up for work 2 hours before I hot up for work I moved into another room and it's great.

quizqueen Sun 06-May-18 11:33:49

solution
a) tell him to sleep in another room
b) if he is to stay in the marital bed then insist he gets up very quietly and have his clothes already out in another room and use another bathroom and get his own breakfast
c) if he refuses either of the above then at the weekend you get up early and jump on the bed, be very noisy using the en suite etc. to so show him what you have to put with during the week then he may see how selfish he is being.

Dontaskme Sun 06-May-18 11:50:48

Thank you everyone.
As I said I haven't officially retired but given up work due to ill health, and I'd love to go back. I have a miniscule amount of money coming in (literally enough to pay for a very meagre take away each week) and I don't get my pension for another 5 years. I therefore live off my OH which is why I feel guilty.
Its not that I can't fill my time at all, I just don't enjoy it as that's how it feels - filling time. I've worked since I was 14, and full-time since I was 17 even when the children came. Anyway that wasn't the reason for my post tbh, just wanted a moan about what ultimately is my inconsiderate OH and my blinking 5.40am body clock alarm! 5.35am today sad.
OH having a stern talking to again before he goes back to work on Tuesday!

mabon1 Sun 06-May-18 11:55:54

sleep in another room