Don't want to wake up!

Elrel, why is it odd? Is there only one way of looking at volunteering? I was an Appropriate Adult for 3 years. Sitting in Police Stations at all hours of the day and night including Christmas Day. I gave up when I realised that because that the fact that my time was free meant that it was OK to call me out and make me wait for hours for the professionals ( i.e. the laywers and policemen who were being paid) to turn up. In short, their paid time was valued, my "free" time wasn't. So my odd angle does at least come from experience and it niggles me when volunteering is seen as something retired people can do to stop them being bored. Yes if that is what they want to do that's fine, but while I still have skills an employer wants then I would expect to be paid.

Lyndylou - you have an odd angle on volunteering.

Pinny4 - Thank you for the sound advice re:benefits, but I don't claim any, never have. The pennies I do get come from a private pension that paid out from 60, and after years of investing gives me the grand sum of £33.23 a week, whahoo!.
Thank you everyone for your replies - he's asleep on the sofa now so I'm about to start crashing about!
Fingers crossed I'll sleep a bit later tomorrow, although the weather is going to be so nice I might just wake him up whenever I do and make him take me out for the day
I won't moan about him any more but will take action! Clothes in another room, he can use the bathroom not the en suite and if he leaves his phone alarm going off it'll be out of the window. I realise now that I've been letting him get away with it for too long and there is no reason for me to feel guilty, so that's it, I won't

Make him read all the answers to your letter, then give him a choice -
a) baseball bat around the chops
b)nighty ripping-off
c) you bouncing on the bed at the weekend
d) one of you moving to another bedroom
e) he changes his ways and stops waking you with his antics

At the weekend do exactly what he does in the week...especially the bouncing on bed bit putting socks on. He will soon stop waking you in the week. Damn inconsiderate of him....

DONT feel guilty why should you. My Husband is a very noisy clumsy person I am not a morning person since moving into a bungalow noises can be heard quite easily I suggeste he gets dressed in another room when he leaves our bedroom he closes the door quite gently surprisingly I am happy and drop off again once the bed had stopped bouncing and he is quite happy on his own until I get up. Try different rooms or let him have a ”dressing room” Good luck

Hi Dontaskme,
Please don't feel guilty for not being well enough to work. Also don't feel guilty that your husband is supporting you as the pair of you did promise no doubt to look after each other in sickness and in health and anyway even if you didn't legally you have a duty of care to each other.
If the boot was on the other foot.....right?

What I'd like to add to the great support you are finding on Gransnet is this- I' m guessing any statutory sickness payments you were entitled to have run out, but you could be claiming incapacity benefit now or Employment and Support Allowance as it is now called.
Look on a gov.uk site or click here
www.gov.uk/incapacity-benefit

If you ask your husband to let you sleep on in the mornings and he doesn't co-operate then sorry but that would be very selfish and it is he who should then feel guilty, not you.
Oh and don't feel guilty for claiming benefits either. You didn't set the retirement pension ages did you?
Good luck and please no more guilt.

grannygranby I thimk you may have the wrong end of the stick and Rubysong is not the op! If you were to address it to op's DH it would hit the mark though!

Rubysong it all sounds a bit masochistic to me why? Would you do that to him if he had to leave work because of ill health and he wasn’t feeling very fulfilled? No you wouldn't. You’d feel very sorry for him and do your best to make him feel ok. Don’t make him a tyrant, stand up for yourself make him respect your needs and wants.

Dontaskme I understand precisely where you are coming from with missing work. I stopped work in February when Carillion collapsed and I gave myself 3 months to see if I was ready to retire. My days are busy, I collect DGS from school twice a week and tutor him in Maths, so I spend a lot of time researching how to help him. I have redecorated one bedroom and am halfway through another, (stripping the wallpaper off revealed a need to re-plaster an area so its taking longer than I expected) and since the better weather I am in the garden for at least half the day. I am also doing Futurelearn courses and my daughter and I are trying to fit in long walks with the dog to lose weight.

But, I miss work. I miss the social side, I loved the team of people I worked with and I miss the feeling of earning a pay packet even though I have enough to manage on without working. I am starting to think about looking for some temporary work next month. Voluntary work would not do it for me, I would hate the idea of being committed to something that didn't value my time enough to pay me, and I have done plenty of it in the past so I have paid my dues!

put it put it?

rubysong and GadaboutGran - thank you, you've actually put it put it in perspective for me . Now I just need to learn to cook/keep house etc
SussexGirl60 - so many of us have "lucked out" with the pension . Also as I said I DO voluntary work, I'm doing a degree, am a phone buddy for an elderly person, knit for charity in a group - busy, but its actual work I miss.
Now what I'd really love to do, and wouldn't find the least bit boring, is to take a trip to the Galapagos Islands. Just need to win the lottery and turn the health clock back a few years

I do think that women of a certain age are drawing the short straw-later state pension apart from anything else. I would find a way to increase your sleep by either going to another bedroom or asking him to. It’s not unreasonable to hope to sleep longer if you’re not going off to work. Also, I would try to find some things that I enjoyed doing, either voluntary work, or taking up some pastimes that would give me a lot of pleasure. Plan your week out, so you know roughly, what you’re doing so you have something to look forward to even if it’s something small. It’s bad enough feeling tired, but adding insult to injury if you’re not enjoying life as well. There needs to be some changes.

So, essentially you are feeling guilty about having health issues that prevent you working! If you are contributing to your family & society, as you are, you are actung in the helpful side of life & not just filling time. No guilt needed except for feeling guilty. Useless guilt is a hard one to shift so just accept it & don’t let it nest in your hair.

5:40am is not getting up time unless you have to, so no more having breakfast with your DH. And don't feel guilty about it, or about the fact that you are not bringing in an income. Generations of women contributed to the 'team' by keeping house, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry etc. Ill health has put you in this position don't feel guilty. Take the advice from others about persuading him to get up quietly, you need your sleep.

sleep in another room

Thank you everyone.
As I said I haven't officially retired but given up work due to ill health, and I'd love to go back. I have a miniscule amount of money coming in (literally enough to pay for a very meagre take away each week) and I don't get my pension for another 5 years. I therefore live off my OH which is why I feel guilty.
Its not that I can't fill my time at all, I just don't enjoy it as that's how it feels - filling time. I've worked since I was 14, and full-time since I was 17 even when the children came. Anyway that wasn't the reason for my post tbh, just wanted a moan about what ultimately is my inconsiderate OH and my blinking 5.40am body clock alarm! 5.35am today .
OH having a stern talking to again before he goes back to work on Tuesday!

solution
a) tell him to sleep in another room
b) if he is to stay in the marital bed then insist he gets up very quietly and have his clothes already out in another room and use another bathroom and get his own breakfast
c) if he refuses either of the above then at the weekend you get up early and jump on the bed, be very noisy using the en suite etc. to so show him what you have to put with during the week then he may see how selfish he is being.

Sleep in another room. After years of lack of sleep with his snoring (and him refusing to do anything) &getting up for work 2 hours before I hot up for work I moved into another room and it's great.

I've been a stay-at-home mom, plenty to do,with the children etc., and now they're adults and out of the house ? They still come often, I get baby grandson regularly (but not daily!) and I still fill my days 100%. My occupations for your inspiration, and that's on top of the cleaning-cooking-ironing stuff of course : learning new languages (Arabic now, is my 8th), going to art-shows, making pictures and photo-albums, gardening, seeing friends, making clothes and practical things (like bibs) for grandson, drawing-class every tuesday. Also I'm the go-to person to help with the children of my much younger friends whose parents are no longer available to hop in. Some of these I allready did when the children still lived here, others are new. And some of them I do together with my husband, others on my own. Oh, and he's an early riser, I'm a nightowl ? I trained him ?

I know you say he is not going this to be nasty but there is a bit of passive aggressive behaviour going on here in his part, maybe time for a chat so he can say what is driving this.. Maybe over a meal away from home rather than a direct confrontation. Yay for going back to bed with s cup of tea and a book, I work full time so that is a luxury for me at weekends. Hope all sorts itself out... these things can drag on if not resolved with a chat.

1. Go back to bed with a cup of tea and a good book once he has gone to work.
2. Plan your retirement and fill your days with things you love and just enjoy every minute. I go power walking, swim, shows in London, casual work doing Invigilation in a school, plan my holidays, do lots of baking, make patchwork quilts, ladies who lunch etc

Guilt about not having to get up!!!! What is this thing? It is the greatest joy of being retired.

The postman is used to me arriving at the door in my pjs.

Old meg, Panache, lucky girl - I do loads of stuff but its just not the same. I do volunteer one half day a week and I knit for charity. I'm also halfway through doing a degree and am a telephone buddy for an elderly person. I can fill my time but I'm still bored and feel fed up. I gave up due to ill health, not because I retired and I'd love to be back at work.
Anyway thanks for the idea of the nightie removal luckygirl - I don't think he'd even notice tbh! I have "spoken" to him about his behaviour but it goes over his head I'm afraid.
Its the guilt thing about not having to get up, not having to be at work, not having to earn the pennies that makes me get up with him. My body clock is firmly set to 5.40am every day of the week which is a swine at the weekends - oh, and its a bank holiday on Monday so he'll be counting the z's while I'm up at dawn again!. I would love to nap in the afternoon but again feel guilty! I have a lot of guilt issues!
Sorry, I sound like a right moaning old shrew! Have a lovely sunny weekend everyone

My DH gets up at 03:30 some mornings! We have separate bedrooms now, and we are fortunate enough to have a downstairs shower room. It took a bit of getting used to, but I wouldn't change back?. Now, when we go on holiday I always try to find a twin room rather than share a double bed.