Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

Thor has just crawled through the door and collapsed on the floor, whimpering!
He's very disheveled and his hammer is slightly bent, whatever can have happened to our gorgeous, blonde haired Viking?

I know nothing??

Well you try and look after someone poorly and what does she do, go and do...bends Thor's hammer that's what ? What use is he going to be now! buffy we need to find a way to get it back in working order. You pull one end and I'll pull the other until we get it straightened out and for goodness sake keep marydoll away from him till he's mended. Oh well let's get it sorted....heave...pull harder buffy it's still bent.
Come on now put your back into it, heave, heave.....pull harder .......... pull..................oh! it's come off..?

Thor says he is sore. A sore Thor is a sorry sight. I think Thor thought the patrons were thoroughly thuggish!

The Theakstons is thour btw.....I have developed a lisp too!

Poor sore Thor. You did your best Doodle He ought to warn Trev and Maureeese about Marydoll. They haven't met her yet because she's been poorly. Do you automatically provide doses of Valium to any recruits desperate enough to work behind the Argy Bargy bar? I think they ought to be tranquilised really...

I am not going to attempt to mess with our Thor's tool. I'll just carry on sitting in this corner knitting winter jackets for the ferrets.

Don't panic Doodle, we have him insured, so I have sent him away to be fixed. They'll make him good as new.
They're sending a courtesy replacement while he's away.
He's doing his first shift tonight, shirtless of course, he's called David Gandy.
Can't say I've heard of him!

Thorry about tthe Theackstons being thour Day!
I theam to have caught your lithp!
How abouts a nice pint of Rum and Black?
I'll join you in a pint while I watch you knit!
Do you do socks?

Ooh buffy do you think he'll come back with a bionic hammer !!!' Bags me try him out welcome him first.?

Ok Doodle rather you than Marydoll.
That reminds me, we need to keep her mitts off our new barman.
Btw what do you think of David? and
He's very sexy, sultry and smouldering and wearing his signature white swimming trunks.
I think I'm going to faint!

Are they Speedos?

I do like James Bond in his Speedos.

I prefer him out of them tbh!

Yes Marydoll they are Speedos!
I believe David wore them modelling in a tv advert he made for Dolce & Gabbana aftershave.
He's quite a specimen! faints again

OOOOOOhhhhhhhh err missus! I have a temperature already, don't make it worse! I can't get that picture out of my head now. .
I'm such a shrinking violet and this is giving me palpitations!!!

This picture Marydoll?
faints again

Bad news I'm afraid ?
David Gandy has handed in his notice.
He's cold in his Speedos, certain people (ahem!) have groped him and the ferrets keep trying to get in his trunks to keep warm.
The replacement has arrived...
I've told him to keep his clothes on! ?

I can't keep it to myself any longer. David, yes THE DAVID is moving in as my lodger.
He loves the way I smother him.

Marydoll, I knew there was something more to him handing in his notice, he seemed very evasive when I asked about his future plans!
NOW WE KNOW WHY!!!!!! ?
Well I just hope he knows what he's letting himself in for! ?

Hmm ? buffy I hope you realise the replacement barman is actually not much older than David and was a few months ago just as good looking. That was before he too moved in as a lodger with marydoll. Just look what's happened to him in a couple of months ? marydoll wears them out. Poor David, I wonder if he is aware of his fate. Thor was only saved by a bent hammer. ?

I'm suing for libel. It took a lot more than a few months before Old Jock began to look worn out.
I'm not as young and agile as I used to be,

Well look at this!
Jock has the place sparkling clean, there's Scotch Eggs and Shortbread nibbles on the bar and Trev has been nicely oiled.
A Newcastle Brown Ale with a whisky chaser please Trev!?

I can't get a good grip on Trev now so I will give up and have a pint of baileys and a bag of out of date pork scratchings please

Oh hi Meno I'll join you in a pint of Bailey's.
Trev works part-time with The Dreamboys, he can get us discount for a performance this Friday night.
It should bring a few punters in!
But......we need to keep it secret from Marydoll!
She can't be trusted with any man......even though she has our David now! ?

I'm with you Buffy, here's to Friday night

Great news, I managed to get VIP tickets for the DREAMBOYS on Friday night. I have a spare one, anyone want to come??
Oh that means I can't do my shift, cleaning the lavs. Sorrrree

Me me me!
Oh thanks Marydoll what a time we will have, cor!?
Meet up here in the bar first about 6 ish?

VIP Tickets!!!!!????
That Maureeeeese has let the cat out of the bag! Grrrrr!
We'll just have make sure they put double oil on, so Marydoll can't get a grip.