Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

You will have to get in the queue Doodle. My need is much greater than yours.
Dr Kildare, (sent over by NanKate) said I need a second opinion on the state of my chest! So there!

I can’t believe it!
Marydoll has vanished with Dr Devine-Teath! Well, maybe I can believe it, it was always on the cards, the brazen hussy.
I wonder if he will present her with a bill though....he doesn’t do free work for the NHS!?

I think marydoll thought he was a sex therapist and she was going to give him some tips ..... at least I think that's what she said ?

Ah well, a nice quiet night in then Doodle and to be fair, My back isn’t up to jigging about like it used to be, so maybe
The brazen hussy has done me a favour!
Pour me a pint of Olde Darkstuffe and bung a ferret curry in the microwave for me would ya?

Oooooooh er Doodle, you are awful!!!
Dr Devine- Teath and I are just good friends.
If you believe that, you will believe anything.?

I don’t believe it!!!!!
It’s quiet in here today, not even a ferret running around.
Friday night is Talent Nite btw so what will you be doing?
I have got us a kareoke machine!
I will do my usual dance of the seven veils.

Oh not again lemon. Can't we have something different?
Can you play a tune on a bicycle pump or perhaps balance marydoll on your head?
After all it's not as though you've got anything we haven't all seen a million times before ......or have you had that op done at last ?

chewy and I will entertain with a duet. Islands in the stream if you remember it. chewy will of course be Dolly Parton (with some additional padding) and I have been growing my beard and now make a passable Kenny Rogers.?

I can get a decent tune out of a ferret if that's of interest

You have been missing your cleaning rota in the bar Meno
Have you been off chasing Spanish waiters again?
Oh all right Doodles I suppose I could do a more original
Act for Talent Nite ( and the veils don’t cover as much of me as they used to) hmmmmmm, lemme see now, how about
Juggling beer bottles whilst whistling Another One Bites The Dust? I could still wear very little ( any excuse!)

It's a thankless task cleaning this place and I knew I would be found out, oh well. I've got a trio of ferrets to train for my act so must crack on

Yes, do get on with it Meno those ferrets must be useful if they want to stay at our gaff eating us out of house and home.
Right! Am locking up for the night fellow bar flies.
zzzzzzzzz

Been a very busy week, so sorry I missed the talent nite, hope it went well, what acts did you all do, and more to the point did it make any money for us?
The Captain has returned Jason the alsation to us, he disgraced himself in the Admiral’s cabin and both he and the Captain were ordered off the ship ( pity they weren’t in port at the time!) Turns out that Jason gripped the Captain by the collar and swam twenty knots through a choppy sea to the shore.Far from being grateful though, he is insisting we house him in the bar ( and the dog.)
Sooooo, the damp looking gent in the corner huddled over a whisky bottle is here for a few days.Feed him will you, ( and the dog) I will be back later. Ta-ra.

Ferrets, soggy Captain and wet dog .....this place stinks. meno we have to get a cleaner in (or some air freshener). Does anyone know someone who would clean the place for a packet of pork scratchings and a thimble of poteen?

Thimble no chance, pint maybe

Hello! Is cafe open? Can I come in?
Just moved to this area and looking for a nice place to spend some time.

Hello Buffy welcome to our humble abode come in and make yourself at home, the chairs in the bar are a bit saggy [Marydoll has seen to that, she's a big woman]
but they are pretty comfy.Oh, brush them off a bit before you sit down though, what with the ferrets racing around and now Jason lolling on them.

What will you have? The crème de menthe is good and the house beer is too, Old Dark Goblin, will to have a pint?

there are no rules here, say anything you like, either follow on from the above nonsense or start some new nonsense.

the last one in this evening usually feeds the dog and locks up.Don't leave the Captain in the bar he will drink us dry.He can share the cellar space with Big Jim.

?? BIG WOMAN???? i JUST HAVE BIG BONES AND AM WELL ENDOWED.. Well that's what the Admiral says.
Don't believe anything Lemon says, she out to feather her nest, the crow's nest that is, with the Captain in situ.

As for the rest of the crew, I'll leave you to find out for yourself.
PS, don't leave out any violet creams if Chewy is about.

buffy you are looking for a nice place to have a good time? Maybe a trip to Specsavers because that place aint nice. You are likely to catch some awful disease from a ferret for starters and as for the booze- have you looked at the glass it is poured into? I thought not- have you left your bifocals at home?

I have just given my cat her painkillers so I will join her for an early night and leave you lot to cavort around in my absence.

That was a one off, I didn't know the ferret had slept with his head in a pint glass, there was only a couple of hairs in the beer.

It looks like a friendly place to me and I'm rather fond of ferrets.
Bit early but I'll take you up on the offer of a pint of Old Dark Goblin. I'll just move this old dog off the seat and settle down.

Hello buffy nice to meet you. I guess you are now the 'newby' and I move up a position to become one of the 'regulars'. ? Pssst just a quiet word about the initiation ceremony....it involves drinking a pint of poteen and other unmentionable things. ?. That poteen is really dangerous stuff.? I used to wear twin sets and pearls and spent most of my time in 'soop's' kitchen ?‍? I ventured over the threshold of the Argy one night and I haven't been the same since ? You have been warned! ☠️?

Thanks Doodle, I'll try to build up some tolerance to the poteen by having a drop in each pint of Old Dark Goblin. Speaking of which, I might as well start now! Shove over Jason, I'm getting comfy now!

You’re a brave woman Buffy!