Welcome to the new Argy Bar and cafe, abandon hope all ye who enter here.?

They’re dead little buggers now Meno as I dipped your wig in bleach ( I took it off first) and whaddya know! You are now the proud owner of a blonde wig.
I have hung it on the line to dry in the Argy’s back yard.

Some people are so unkind. I found this poor white cat hung up outside on the washing line. Poor thing was quite cold and damp. I have brought it in and put it on a blanket by the fire and given it a nice bowl of milk with a little poteen just to warm it up. Oh I think it's feeling better now it's started purring either that or my stomachs playing up again ! What I need is a nice big piece of black pudding to go with my poteen.
Hello soop I see you're in here too. I will sit next to you and have a natter. I need some Hans ? to give me a shove bit of assistance to help me up on the stool
Are you sure this is black pudding I'm eating lemon it smells very odd

Doodle I blame Mapleleaf for the smelly black pud. She paid a few bob pence for a super-giant can of stuff that masks all pongs and she's trigger happy. Everything, no matter whether it's alive or expired, gets a blast. Perhaps we should confiscate the Pong Blaster when she's otherwise distracted. It's for her own good.

You owe me one wig Lemon and I was looking forward to being blonde

Sorry about that wig fiasco Meno but if you check behind the bar you will see a box with your name on it.I thought the least I could do was to buy you a new one, and blonde too! You will be the Argy’s very own blonde bombshell from now on......enjoy!
I have tried to leave the Argy shipshape and Bristol fashion, but rely on you all to keep things going as circumstances dictate a short break away from here, until next weekend anyway......so have fun, and don’t forget to feed the Hans, order barsnacks, and above all, keep Marydoll away from the till, and Chewy off the Scotch (that big feller in a kilt.)
Ciao x

I accept my new wig Lemon, it really is a stunner! Hope your week is ok and look forward to seeing you next weekend. I'm going to change my name to Bet!

Hi all, am back again after half term, how’s it going, are we making loadsa money?
The bar is very quiet today, must be the hot weather, could we do up the back yard with a few tables and sun umbrellas do you think?We could say we have a beer garden! I will get The Hans onto it, they could do with some exercise.
Yes, you certainly look.....different Meno a real bombshell
Am a bit envious.

I’ll have a pint of shandy with a vodka chaser, stand by the open door and try and lure a few customers in.....am wearing my new golden crushed velvet hotpants with matching boob tube, am told I look truly stunning.

hello all. Just thought I'd pop in for quick pint ?. Why is there a large banana standing in the doorway? Oh, sorry lemon, didn't realise you were back , ahem, nice outfit ?

Do u like my blow up boobs Lemon, adds to the look don't u think?

Menopaws You look very fetching. Beware of thorn bushes...your blow-up-boobs could well go off with a mighty big bang.

I shall join Doodle for a hearty pint of real ale. A shame that the pork scratch-ins are a few years out of date.

A few years? That’s nothing Soop thought you Northerners were tough cookies! Yes, we also have some tough cookies, since you ask, bought in 1974.

Meno I thought you were looking extra bosom-y today,
Goes well with the blonde ringlets and the lederhosen ( did The Hans buy your outfit?)?

He did and as I lied about my size I am now stuck in it and it's beginning to chafe and squeak a bit.

Back from hols, I come bearing baklava, carried by Achilles, this handsome young Greek. Paws OFF Lemon and Meno - this one’s MINE! You should just taste his tzatsiki

I'm no threat until I get out of this contraption but tell me more about your Greek god Jane just for info u understand

And now my right boobs got a slow puncture.....HANS!

Here meno you can borrow my puncture repair kit. Can't have you looking lopsided ?
janed why are you wearing a balaclava in this weather? And why is that young man with you limping? Oh I see, ...you've been sampling his tzatsiki...I'm amazed he's even able to stand up ?

Am sure that the Greek is limping from quite another ( and innocent) reason, perhaps his Achilles heel?

Not sure what you have been sampling Jane but you look well on it! (may we all have some?)

Very clever Lemon, bit quick tonight what have u found in the cellar.?

What I find in the cellar, stays in the cellar ( until I need a bit more of it.)

Evenin' all?. I've been away on "business"
Well actually I've been having a little " holiday", at her Majesty's expense. ??
I swear I'm innocent guv! ?I was covering for the Admiral⛵ It's all Hans on deck, now that I'm back.
Hans up, have you missed me?

Excuse me you can't just come back and expect Hans to come running back to you, he's happy with me now and u have the admiral after all.

Oh? ?I thought you would have missed me.
Poor me ☹️?

I have a bottle of illicit hooch, ?which I made in the clink. Would that get me back into the good books?