Just need to ramble....

Oh. Maggiemay69. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I have suffered verbal abuse and was unhappy for many years.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
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Good for you Greengage!

I think it is natural that milestone birthdays can make you look forward and back. My life has not been particularly remarkable though largely good. Sadly at 60 I lost my husband. I was 70 a couple of years ago and realised, looking back, I had wasted much of those ten years. But the last two years have given me a new lease on life with my daughter getting engaged, married and producing my first grandchild, and a new male friend whose company I so enjoy. Am determined to enjoy what years I have before me.

Dear Maggie May. I am so sorry to read of your troubles. I can now see why you posted on this thread.
Please speak to citizens advice and try the first free consultation with a divorce lawyer. You must be entitled to some of the value of your home.
Is there a dog rescue place near to where you are moving that might take your dogs until you are settled where you could visit them?
I wish you the very best of luck and admire your courage and bravery in taking this huge step.
Just a thought, could you not find grounds to have this man removed from your house and you stay put?

I'm another one who's turning 70 this year and looking back. The last 10 years have gone in a flash!
I'm also in the shadows. I moved country when we married and found I was part of his enormous extended family
Now and again I wonder how things might have been had I stayed.
No regrets though. I do forget my age sometimes and think I still have the energy and body of a much younger person.
As for a sense of achievement - just thinking of our grandchildren who wouldn't be here without me. makes me very proud.
Good luck to Maggy May. I hope you get the help you need and find peace and safety.

Maggiemay69 wishing you all the best, it's a brave decision but you must stay strong & start a new chapter in your life

I have had an eventful life, marred 3 times, landed lucky with no 3, we were married almost 21 years before he died. I then took the brave step of moving to be nearer DD & DGS1 3 years ago. I didn't have a new home so everything went into storage, stayed with DD for 2 weeks & then rented for another 5 weeks. Luckily I found a new home which I love. I've had to make new friends, take myself out of my comfort zone at times & I've joined 2 Meet Up groups. I have plans to join WI & a local club that has lots of activities.

I decided I could either become a "hermit" or get out & enjoy life, I do get anxious at times but whilst I can enjoy life to the full I will. I now have DGS2 (10 months old), love going to visit them. At the moment DM is still living independently at 89 about 300 miles from where I live so that's a long car journey twice a year, I hate the journey & worry that the time may come when I can no longer drive (I will be 63 in a couple of months), 70 is approaching fast but not as close for me as for those of you with an imminent Birthday.

My solution to my mind "running away" is to lose myself in a book

Some wonderful, thoughtful responses - thank you. Always good to know you’re not alone.
Maggiemay69 - all the best to you x

Good luck Maggie you are very brave to be doing what you are, just sorry you are having to move out and leave your dogs .

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I am so very sorry to learn of your dilemma MaggiMay69 and it has saddened me to read this. No one should have to go through what you have been through and especially at an age where you should be settled and happy in life. I am a true believer we are tested throughout our lives to see how strong we are in what continuously is thrown our way. I am also a believer in Karma too. I predict you have made the right decision in going forward in this new chapter of your life, things can only get better for you. One day you will smile again I promise. Be strong, take charge of your life, enjoy making new plans, and most importantly, be happy. xxx

So sorry to sound dim but there seems to be two threads mixed into this one. MaggieMay apparently is having a difficult time but I cannot understand why it relates to this thread?

MaggieMay good luck and wishing you well, and wishing you healing.

Been there.

Those of you who think they have done nothing but be a wife, raise children etc.....can I say to you all what my late husband said to me when I was talking in the same way once. He said “it’s true you haven’t had a professional career....but you are our anchor stone. We couldn’t do it without you. So don’t belittle yourself. Our lives would fall apart if you were not here.”

MaggieMay - all the very best as you go through what is inevitably going to be a tough transition. I think you are immensely brave to be taking such an enormous step at this time in your life. Much better, though, that you leave rather than staying in an abusive relationship which will drag you down and make the rest of your life miserable. Although it will take time, you will gradually begin to heal and find joy in life. I’m writing this as I’ve been (and still am in ...) a similar situation. It does get better, just trust to the process. I do hope you get lots of love and support along the way. and a big hug.

Sallyann1
Letting oneself feel under another's shadow speaks of low self esteem. As a child were you ever made to feel you did not come up to your parents expectations ie look what your siblings are achieving so why can't you.?
It never leaves us and stay's there for life.Don't we all do our best in caring for our families, and we can't all have news worthy careers and should our lives not always come up to what we had hoped then that is life. My late DH had a successful career which at times left me feeling out of the picture. Prior to his funeral I was asked what religion I wished the service to be conducted. I was assured any comments or readings would be with my approval. I doubt anyone attending a funeral does so with the intent of saying anything other than complimentary and what the deceased achieved not what they didn't.

MaggieMay, I can't tell you how much I admire you. I was in thrall to my abusive father all my life. I wish I had known what I know now. All the very best with the new start in your life.
Like many posters, I am 70 on Sunday. As a rather anxious person, I am worrying not only about the future, but about my weekend "party" that I am throwing for the family!!! Silly me.
I really really try to tremember that "Today is the tomorrow I was worried about yesterday, and all is well".

I do believe that the husbands/partners who are high achievers manage to be so because of the great bases their spouses have built for them, so ladies you should be applauded for your roles in their live - listen to the words in The Wind Beneath My Wings - and do not feel in any way second best.

My step mother was in my father's shadow and my father in law in his wife's. Who do we talk about fondly, very often, many years after their deaths. The quiet ones - so loved

I'm going to be 70 this year too, and would agree with all the above posts. I'm more anxious and depressed than I used to be, but try to keep busy and am lucky in that I'm very active. My DH is 75, doesn't worry about anything, is very active and has several hobbies. As always, the middle of the night is the worst time to mull over past mistakes and regrets. It's comforting to know others feel the same.

Maggiemay as daunting as it may seem, look at it, as it’s the first day of being free and you may find with time the depression and anxiety eases. You have become used to living like that and at first you will feel like runnng back to what you know, but DONT because you have made the biggest step and the path will become easier with time. We are here if you need to vent, chat. Please let us know how you get on. Keep positive.

MaggieMay69 I am so sorry for your troubles. Well done, though, for being brave enough to get away from this abusive man. I hope that you will be able to claim back your share of what you own, and have a future free from fear. Waking up each day without a black cloud of dread hanging over you will, I hope, make it all worthwhile.

I too have recently retired after a long teaching career. I think that teaching children is an incredibly important job but not as important as being a Mum. I have always tried by absolute best to help and guide my children and as they have all turned out to be caring and responsible adults I am very thankful for that. My husband has earned a lot more than me in his job but he acknowledges my job as a teacher was more important. My husband has more hobbies and friends than I do bhe is more outgoing whilst I am more family oriented. I have lost 2 very dear and elderly aunts and my Mum over last 6 years and read their eulogies. I sometimes wonder what on earth anyone could say about me when I die as my life has been quite ordinary but when I expressed this to my dh he looked shocked and said I was like the sun warm and nurturing and that all the children revolved around me. I was very surprised as I don't really think I do anything other Mums would not do. I am sure your family feel the same about you. Mum's are special and irreplaceable and you are a Mum.

My sentiments too, Monica. Now that I've turned 90 I sometimes tend to reflect on what it's all been about. Whilst my (excellent} memory can recall all the good and bad, unfortunately the latter tend to crowd out the former.
Why? Things I won't do or say if I should ever come round again! {smile] I think it's called hindsight or simply a function of old age. Easily switched off by not dwelling on it.
During my eighties I'm sure people were watching me for signs of senility.
Now I'm in my nineties everyone automatically assumes I am senile. [confused} Very annoying!
Forget it and look forward to your telegram from the King

Like many others here I consider myself no great achiever but, having said that, when I look back, I would only change one event (which was totally beyond my control) which suggests pretty contented otherwise. True indeed and I feel genuinely blessed. Main source of present satisfaction was my determined attempt to return to health and fitness. This was inspired by information of arrival of first grandchild at ripe age and I wanted to be able to participate in active play with them for as long as possible. So far so good. In general life is pretty good. Each day I wake up, figure out which day it is, get up and apply the embrocation wherever I creak. Onwards!

At times life is a juggling act between adult kids, grandkids and elderly parents .... however, you are entitled to some me time at your time of life, so give yourself a break whenever you need to.