Just need to ramble....

Just passed the big 70 last year, celebrated Golden Wedding as well with the family but I do understand where you are coming from I am the only one in the family not to have had either a profession or a degree, however, I had quite a fun working life whilst they all seem to be forever stressed out. I had the time to care for mum in old age and look after the small grandchildren, we travel more now. You sound as if you are doing the caring bit now and it is exhausting and with regard to mum does make you think about your future I found. If you are managing all that and you and DH are happy I shouldn't worry. The past you can't change.

Dear MaggieMay, I send you all my very best wishes for the difficult journey you are just beginning, but remember it's to a better more comfortable future for you. I'm sure all of us on GransNet wish you all the very best. Stay strong.

MaggieMay69
I really do admire you for finally taking a stand and leaving an abusive husband.
I’m sure that the stress of all the uncertainty about his behaviour will lift now that you are out of such a toxic
atmosphere, and you will feel free to be the woman you always wanted to be.
You are so brave, but it’s better to do it now then later when age and possible infirmity catches up on you.
Wishing you all best wishes and luck?

I totally agree with Kwest.
I am 66, and have had a very eventful life in lots of different ways. I have a DH who I love dearly but who can be Victor Meldrew incarnate, and a daughter with whom I have a very tricky relationship. She lost her husband of only a year recently and I got the brunt of her grief and anger.
But slowly things got back to normal and all of us as a family of 4 try to do the 3 main things in Life which doesnt come easily to any of us- Be kind, Be kind, Be kind. Good luck with the rest of your life. Enjoy and make sure everyone around you has the best day they can courtesy of you!

I am afraid that right now Tantiths post 0f Mon 09-Apr-18 11:25:45 is me.
Sorry for whinging but I cannot really come up with anything postive. I have been feeling down since before Christmas.
Yes! I have now been to the GP for some pharmacological assitance. I am waiting now for them to really start working. The worst of the side effects are reducing.
To add to this my back is playing up.
So I am having my "ramble" time.

Maggiemay69. You brave brave woman , I am so glad you have the courage to leave an abusive situation.please, please get in touch with Dogs Trust, they arrange good foster homes for dogs in these instances until you can find a place to live where they can come back to you. All my love and respect.

I am also facing up to the fact that it is now less than a year until I hit 70. Have a fabulous trip planned to celebrate this, but now worry creeps in during the wee small hours that a health issue might strike from the blue and ruin it. I know this is ridiculous but that doesn't stop the worry. And as others have said I become ever more conscious that I wasn't a perfect parent, only adequate, likewise in my working life as a teacher there were things I feel I should have done better.

What do we do about regrets?

Just enjoy the time you have.

At times life is a juggling act between adult kids, grandkids and elderly parents .... however, you are entitled to some me time at your time of life, so give yourself a break whenever you need to.

Like many others here I consider myself no great achiever but, having said that, when I look back, I would only change one event (which was totally beyond my control) which suggests pretty contented otherwise. True indeed and I feel genuinely blessed. Main source of present satisfaction was my determined attempt to return to health and fitness. This was inspired by information of arrival of first grandchild at ripe age and I wanted to be able to participate in active play with them for as long as possible. So far so good. In general life is pretty good. Each day I wake up, figure out which day it is, get up and apply the embrocation wherever I creak. Onwards!

My sentiments too, Monica. Now that I've turned 90 I sometimes tend to reflect on what it's all been about. Whilst my (excellent} memory can recall all the good and bad, unfortunately the latter tend to crowd out the former.
Why? Things I won't do or say if I should ever come round again! {smile] I think it's called hindsight or simply a function of old age. Easily switched off by not dwelling on it.
During my eighties I'm sure people were watching me for signs of senility.
Now I'm in my nineties everyone automatically assumes I am senile. [confused} Very annoying!
Forget it and look forward to your telegram from the King

I too have recently retired after a long teaching career. I think that teaching children is an incredibly important job but not as important as being a Mum. I have always tried by absolute best to help and guide my children and as they have all turned out to be caring and responsible adults I am very thankful for that. My husband has earned a lot more than me in his job but he acknowledges my job as a teacher was more important. My husband has more hobbies and friends than I do bhe is more outgoing whilst I am more family oriented. I have lost 2 very dear and elderly aunts and my Mum over last 6 years and read their eulogies. I sometimes wonder what on earth anyone could say about me when I die as my life has been quite ordinary but when I expressed this to my dh he looked shocked and said I was like the sun warm and nurturing and that all the children revolved around me. I was very surprised as I don't really think I do anything other Mums would not do. I am sure your family feel the same about you. Mum's are special and irreplaceable and you are a Mum.

MaggieMay69 I am so sorry for your troubles. Well done, though, for being brave enough to get away from this abusive man. I hope that you will be able to claim back your share of what you own, and have a future free from fear. Waking up each day without a black cloud of dread hanging over you will, I hope, make it all worthwhile.

Maggiemay as daunting as it may seem, look at it, as it’s the first day of being free and you may find with time the depression and anxiety eases. You have become used to living like that and at first you will feel like runnng back to what you know, but DONT because you have made the biggest step and the path will become easier with time. We are here if you need to vent, chat. Please let us know how you get on. Keep positive.

I'm going to be 70 this year too, and would agree with all the above posts. I'm more anxious and depressed than I used to be, but try to keep busy and am lucky in that I'm very active. My DH is 75, doesn't worry about anything, is very active and has several hobbies. As always, the middle of the night is the worst time to mull over past mistakes and regrets. It's comforting to know others feel the same.

My step mother was in my father's shadow and my father in law in his wife's. Who do we talk about fondly, very often, many years after their deaths. The quiet ones - so loved

I do believe that the husbands/partners who are high achievers manage to be so because of the great bases their spouses have built for them, so ladies you should be applauded for your roles in their live - listen to the words in The Wind Beneath My Wings - and do not feel in any way second best.

MaggieMay, I can't tell you how much I admire you. I was in thrall to my abusive father all my life. I wish I had known what I know now. All the very best with the new start in your life.
Like many posters, I am 70 on Sunday. As a rather anxious person, I am worrying not only about the future, but about my weekend "party" that I am throwing for the family!!! Silly me.
I really really try to tremember that "Today is the tomorrow I was worried about yesterday, and all is well".

Sallyann1
Letting oneself feel under another's shadow speaks of low self esteem. As a child were you ever made to feel you did not come up to your parents expectations ie look what your siblings are achieving so why can't you.?
It never leaves us and stay's there for life.Don't we all do our best in caring for our families, and we can't all have news worthy careers and should our lives not always come up to what we had hoped then that is life. My late DH had a successful career which at times left me feeling out of the picture. Prior to his funeral I was asked what religion I wished the service to be conducted. I was assured any comments or readings would be with my approval. I doubt anyone attending a funeral does so with the intent of saying anything other than complimentary and what the deceased achieved not what they didn't.

MaggieMay - all the very best as you go through what is inevitably going to be a tough transition. I think you are immensely brave to be taking such an enormous step at this time in your life. Much better, though, that you leave rather than staying in an abusive relationship which will drag you down and make the rest of your life miserable. Although it will take time, you will gradually begin to heal and find joy in life. I’m writing this as I’ve been (and still am in ...) a similar situation. It does get better, just trust to the process. I do hope you get lots of love and support along the way. and a big hug.

Those of you who think they have done nothing but be a wife, raise children etc.....can I say to you all what my late husband said to me when I was talking in the same way once. He said “it’s true you haven’t had a professional career....but you are our anchor stone. We couldn’t do it without you. So don’t belittle yourself. Our lives would fall apart if you were not here.”

MaggieMay good luck and wishing you well, and wishing you healing.

Been there.

So sorry to sound dim but there seems to be two threads mixed into this one. MaggieMay apparently is having a difficult time but I cannot understand why it relates to this thread?

I am so very sorry to learn of your dilemma MaggiMay69 and it has saddened me to read this. No one should have to go through what you have been through and especially at an age where you should be settled and happy in life. I am a true believer we are tested throughout our lives to see how strong we are in what continuously is thrown our way. I am also a believer in Karma too. I predict you have made the right decision in going forward in this new chapter of your life, things can only get better for you. One day you will smile again I promise. Be strong, take charge of your life, enjoy making new plans, and most importantly, be happy. xxx

???