Feeling guilty

As a fellow Fibro sufferer I can understand how you are feeling, but hopefully your daughter/son will explain to their children that sometimes their granny is not well enough to look after them and that it can happen quite suddenly. You could always write them a simple letter saying how sorry you were to miss out on this sleepover, but you can't wait to be well enough to do something similar again with them. I treasure every minute I spend with my grandkids and am sure you do, but we can't beat ourselves up when things like this happen as putting yourself under stress will make your illness worse. Sending gentle hugs your way xx

I know just how your feeling happgran1964.I too have Fibromyalgia. Don’t beat yourself up.

My full sympathies with you happygran1964. I too have Fibromyalgia, so no exactly how your feeling. No guilt necessary.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.
Hopefully the little ones will be staying over soon. Xx

You are not an awful Gran. Everyone gets ill and you can have your dgc to stay on another occasion. Hope you feel well soon.

iam I think the other thing about an apology which expresses genuinely-felt guilt, remorse, sorrow, regret, whatever you want to call it, is that it provides an opportunity for forgiveness.
This then allows the person who has committed the ‘wrong’ to resolve things without ongoing destructive feelings of shame.
(I’m talking generally now, not referring to the OP).

Feelings of guilt usually make us act honestly. If you don't feel guilty, you wouldn't apologise would you? Apologies for spilling curry on a carpet, or breaking something in someone else's house must be genuine, or what's the point. It isn't the social norm for people not to feel bad or guilty if they do something like that. Setting about cleaning up without an apology wouldn't work for me, whether I'd been the breaker or the owner.

If you yourself feel better when someone says that they feel terrible having to let you down or breaking a favourite vase...that's ok.
Of course I wouldn’t take pleasure in someone else’s remorse, gabriella. What an unpleasant suggestion.

Why beat yourself up over something over which you have absolutely no control? You're ill. It happens. Increasingly at my time of life. There will be better times for you to enjoy your Grandchildren. Look forward to them.

Nanna58 I think you feel bad because it’s not SO much the twins (yes, distract them & they get over it PDQ) but you probably feel ‘guilty’ more for their parents. I imagine you feel awful. But it cannot be helped. You are not well. Another time eh? Big hugs.

*occured

Well janeainsworth if such an incident occure then I would obviously be guilty of carelessness, however, I would not have feelings of guilt such as saying 'I feel terrible for spoiling your dress/carpet/whatever', as that usually makes the other person feel that they have to downplay the incident and say it's ok, when they really want to scream.
I simply apologise and go about clearing it up.
As for not being able to fulfil a plan, holiday or similar, I apologise but don't feel guilty if it was not in my power to fulfil it.
In short, no, I never feel guilty. It does nothing to repair the hurt feelings of the other party.
If you yourself feel better when someone says that they feel terrible having to let you down or breaking a favourite vase...that's ok.
I certainly wouldn't take pleasure in hearing someone say that. It does nothing.

I'm not what is sometimes, unpleasantly, called a martyr but of course I've sometimes felt guilty about my inability to be all things to all my loved ones. janeainsworth example of accidentally spilling red wine (or tea/coffee, even worse, curry) on a someone else's lovely carpet is something many of us will have done. Not feeling guilty or responsible and trying to make amends would be an unusual response I believe.

Fybromalgia is an absolute horror. It causes exhaustion, low mood and constant pain, amongst other things. Nanna 58, I've pm'd you.

Don't blame yourself. You wouldn't have been 'cheerful gran' if you're in pain. I'm sure there'll be other weekends when you feel better and you'll be able to get together then.

You must be a jolly good gran, they were disappointed not to be coming. These things happen think of all the things cancelled because of this years flu and snow. I hope you feel better soon and can spend time with the GC.

You must feel disappointed, Happy, to have to cancel your granddaughters’ sleepover and cheesed off at being in pain again. The girls will be concerned that you are ill and will understand, as will their parents. It’s not your fault that health issues have intervened so conserve your energy, rest up and look forward to planning another visit. ?

Well gabriella if I had spilled red wine on someone’s carpet as a result of my own carelessness, I would feel guilty, of carelessness.
By saying you never feel guilty, do you mean that you are never at fault?
MrA had a t-shirt once that was inscribed ‘It’s hard to be humble when you know you’re great’

Happygran you weren’t at fault, so try to reframe your feelings of guilt into feelings of disappointment. I hope you feel better soon

Hi happygran. Please don’t feel guilty, I know how you feel though I really do . I was diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis just after only DGS was born, and in the past 2 years has steadily worsened, limiting so many things. I still manage to look after him p/t while DD works, but oh do I wish I felt better. I struggle not with feeling guilty but so bitter ( and yes, I do know there are people with worse) that the constant pain, increasing hospital visits , two in last fortnight , when joints are dislocated or bone chips get trapped, and limitation of movement are spoiling my retirement with my long awaited and hard won DGS. Sorry to hear you were poorly, and for hijacking your post with my pity party, it like you, feeling very down and inadequate today.???

When my firstborn was very little, my dad took me on one side and said that I must look after myself, as I was no use to my baby if I keeled over with either tiredness or illness. It was very good advice.
I find being a gran to one little one quite exhausting; I can only imagine how tiring 2 bigger ones are. Take care.

Hi Happy Gran, I also have Fibromyalgia, I completely get where you are coming from, as I would feel the same. But it’s not your fault, rest and gentle hugs xxx

It is better to postpone a visit if you are ill, because you do not want to pass the illness on to the children. Parents will appreciate your honesty and respect you for considering their family's welfare.
There is always another day and it will be well worth the wait.
No guilt please, waste of energy just get better quickly.

For goodness sake look after yourself, the children will have forgotten in n time

don't.

I din't know why people (men or women) feel guilty. It does no-one any good.
If an incident was/is out of your control then guilt shouldn't come into it. Children know that when you aren't well or an emergency arises, that you sometimes can't fulfil plans.
Perhaps it's time to tell your daughter or dil that the twin's restless nights keep you awake too and you are sometimes finding it difficult to cope.
I hope your fibromyalgia settles down soon and you are kind to yourself. No blame and no guilt.
Personally, I never feel guilty about anything as it's a useless feeling and just encourages others to say it doesn't matter, even if in their hearts they really do mind (eg: spilling red wine on a new dress or carpet in their house)
There will be lots of other occasions when the twins can stay.
Get well soon.

It's impossible to say 'don't feel guilty' as that is just what caring people do. Of course make another date for them. If you weren't well enough to have them, then you wouldn't have been able to look after them properly and then nobody would have enjoyed the time together.