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Feeling guilty

(38 Posts)
Happygran1964 Sat 07-Apr-18 17:41:22

My beautiful 4 year old twin granddaughters were supposed to be staying over tonight but I am ill and feel awful with a fibromyalgia flare.
The girls were very disappointed but they sleep very badly and I just can't cope with little sleep tonight.
I feel like an awful gran!

loopyloo Sat 07-Apr-18 17:48:30

Don't feel guilty! You need to look after yourself.

Luckygirl Sat 07-Apr-18 18:11:42

Oh heavens - not your fault at all - no guilt please! There will be another time I am sure.

Hope you feel better soon. x

Willow500 Sat 07-Apr-18 18:28:31

Hope you feel better in a few days - my niece suffers with fibromyalgia so I know how painful it is. Although the girls will be disappointed I'm sure they'll have forgotten about it in the morning so no need to feel guilty at all and you're definitely not an awful gran!

vampirequeen Sun 08-Apr-18 08:41:08

Don't feel guilty. Children understand illness. It's nice that they were disappointed because it means they love being with you.

Iam64 Sun 08-Apr-18 08:50:25

Look after yourself, there will be other opportunities. As vampire says, children understand being "a bit poorly" as one of our 3 year olds says.

frue Sun 08-Apr-18 10:06:00

Look after yourself well and book another date now with the children so they can look forward to it

Smithy Sun 08-Apr-18 10:07:35

It's the way we are though, Happygran. Guilt as a mother or Grandma even when we feel dreadful. When my grandson was little I used to sometimes have him in Friday's to stsy, after a busy week at work. If I didn't feel up to it I felt very guilty but posters are right, children DO understand what being poorly means. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Everthankful Sun 08-Apr-18 10:09:00

I was supposed to be having my disabled grandson to stay while his parents had a well earned and neeeded rest. He never slept for more than a couple of hours because of medical conditions and they were exhausted so I felt really guilty having to let them down once, at the last minute when I felt ill. I think they forgave me, eventually!

Gaggi3 Sun 08-Apr-18 10:14:14

Don't punish yourself. No-one can help feeling ill, and it's much safer for them if they don't stay when you are under par. We have twin GC who will be 4 in July, I know how taxing they can be. Hope you feel better soon. flowers

brook2704 Sun 08-Apr-18 10:17:35

Don’t feel bad - I know how tiring one 4 year old can be never mind 2 ! Hopefully you’ll feel better soon and I agree with frue - book another date and you can all look forward to it ?

Coconut Sun 08-Apr-18 10:28:09

Just a learning curve for them that grans do get poorly ... just give them another date ASAP and they will soon get over it when they have something else to look forward to.

radicalnan Sun 08-Apr-18 10:40:43

I have Fibro it is a bitch.

The children will understand, tell them you feel like they felt when they were poorly and you are looking forward to being well again and resuming normal services.

Aepgirl Sun 08-Apr-18 10:41:47

It's impossible to say 'don't feel guilty' as that is just what caring people do. Of course make another date for them. If you weren't well enough to have them, then you wouldn't have been able to look after them properly and then nobody would have enjoyed the time together.

GabriellaG Sun 08-Apr-18 10:45:43

I din't know why people (men or women) feel guilty. It does no-one any good.
If an incident was/is out of your control then guilt shouldn't come into it. Children know that when you aren't well or an emergency arises, that you sometimes can't fulfil plans.
Perhaps it's time to tell your daughter or dil that the twin's restless nights keep you awake too and you are sometimes finding it difficult to cope.
I hope your fibromyalgia settles down soon and you are kind to yourself. No blame and no guilt.
Personally, I never feel guilty about anything as it's a useless feeling and just encourages others to say it doesn't matter, even if in their hearts they really do mind (eg: spilling red wine on a new dress or carpet in their house)
There will be lots of other occasions when the twins can stay.
Get well soon. flowers

GabriellaG Sun 08-Apr-18 10:46:27

blush don't.

mabon1 Sun 08-Apr-18 10:56:14

For goodness sake look after yourself, the children will have forgotten in n time

freyja Sun 08-Apr-18 10:58:32

It is better to postpone a visit if you are ill, because you do not want to pass the illness on to the children. Parents will appreciate your honesty and respect you for considering their family's welfare.
There is always another day and it will be well worth the wait.
No guilt please, waste of energy just get better quickly.

nettyandmasey Sun 08-Apr-18 11:24:47

Hi Happy Gran, I also have Fibromyalgia, I completely get where you are coming from, as I would feel the same. But it’s not your fault, rest and gentle hugs xxx

Hm999 Sun 08-Apr-18 11:37:54

When my firstborn was very little, my dad took me on one side and said that I must look after myself, as I was no use to my baby if I keeled over with either tiredness or illness. It was very good advice.
I find being a gran to one little one quite exhausting; I can only imagine how tiring 2 bigger ones are. Take care.

Nanna58 Sun 08-Apr-18 13:19:55

Hi happygran. Please don’t feel guilty, I know how you feel though I really do . I was diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis just after only DGS was born, and in the past 2 years has steadily worsened, limiting so many things. I still manage to look after him p/t while DD works, but oh do I wish I felt better. I struggle not with feeling guilty but so bitter ( and yes, I do know there are people with worse) that the constant pain, increasing hospital visits , two in last fortnight , when joints are dislocated or bone chips get trapped, and limitation of movement are spoiling my retirement with my long awaited and hard won DGS. Sorry to hear you were poorly, and for hijacking your post with my pity party, it like you, feeling very down and inadequate today.???

janeainsworth Sun 08-Apr-18 13:44:50

Well gabriella if I had spilled red wine on someone’s carpet as a result of my own carelessness, I would feel guilty, of carelessness.
By saying you never feel guilty, do you mean that you are never at fault?
MrA had a t-shirt once that was inscribed ‘It’s hard to be humble when you know you’re great’

Happygran you weren’t at fault, so try to reframe your feelings of guilt into feelings of disappointment. I hope you feel better soon flowers

Jayh Sun 08-Apr-18 14:17:46

You must feel disappointed, Happy, to have to cancel your granddaughters’ sleepover and cheesed off at being in pain again. The girls will be concerned that you are ill and will understand, as will their parents. It’s not your fault that health issues have intervened so conserve your energy, rest up and look forward to planning another visit. ?

luluaugust Sun 08-Apr-18 15:45:18

You must be a jolly good gran, they were disappointed not to be coming. These things happen think of all the things cancelled because of this years flu and snow. I hope you feel better soon and can spend time with the GC. flowers

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sun 08-Apr-18 18:10:33

Don't blame yourself. You wouldn't have been 'cheerful gran' if you're in pain. I'm sure there'll be other weekends when you feel better and you'll be able to get together then.