Weddings not like they used to be?

One of the nicest weddings I have ever attended was done on a shoestring budget.

The bride's family rallied round to provide a wonderful DIY wedding. They had a lovely old venue to tie the knot and then went back to the local WMC for the reception. Family had been busy tieing bows on all the chairs, covering all the tables in linen-look paper tablecloths. On each table was a jam jar full of the most beautiful flowers from family's various gardens. Each jam jar was wound with tiny fairy lights and a ribbon. Helium balloons decked the ceiling...all tied in bunches, and we walked through the most glorious arch to enter the 'function room' lavishly decorated with artificial flowers and lights..to a table with an array of coloured glasses holding Prosecco, Bucks Fizz or soft drinks and little canapes all prepared by family and friends. We sat down to a 'funny' quiz - the groom was question master, while we enjoyed drinks and nibbles and a friend arranged for soft romantic melodies to be played via the speaker system. Then the speeches were made....so glasses were filled with Prosecco. The bride spoke too, and the home made cake was cut. Later that afternoon the local chippy delivered boxes of fish and chips for all and bread and butter and tea was made on site by the club managers. Afterwards a group of the brides friends organised games for the little ones present and a friend of the groom provided the disco and the fairy lights that adorned the room glowed as it got dark.

It was so lovely. I thought I'd be picking holes in a DIY wedding but it was one of the nicest, most relaxed and enjoyable events I have ever attended. I too think modern weddings are about one up-man-ship and showing off.

It can be done on the cheap if everyone pulls together, and in many ways, that in itself makes it a lovely, family occasion.

How things have changed! It all seems a bit distorted now and almost like a competition to have the most inventive wedding. In the efforts to do so, it all seems a bit tacky. Personally I didn't want a fancy wedding and I certainly didn't get one! We were married in the village church, walked to a local pub (old, mellow and lovely) and had our reception in the function room. The tables were laid out with buffet-type food and hot soup (it was winter) and a huge fire blazing in the grate. It all felt and still feels very wholesome without the need for anything else.

It still all adds up though even for a simple affair .

It all seems ridiculously over the top to me. A simple wedding, as others have said here, can be really lovely.

When we got married in 1976 my parents paid for the wedding venue and car to take me to church and my husband paid all church fees. Wedding cake and all food at the reception was made by my mum,who made wedding and birthday cakes for everyone,and my mother in law made my dress the bridesmaids dresses and the 2 pageboy outfits....we didn’t have a wedding gift list,I don’t think that sort of thing existed then?,so ended up with 14 egg cups,6 toast racks(never used a toast rack in my life,and lots of towels ??.

I yearn for the past remembering not just my own but friends weddings. Living together possibly having kids before getting wed never came into it for us. I know this is the norm these days and when they do wed is frequently quite'something' Then a honeymoon?That has to be a joke. Surely discovering the intimacies of the union are long gone .Callme cynical / out of touch but I know which way I prefer.

My DD’s friends had fancy tiered cake stands ( borrowed or bought cheaply in charity shops) as centre pieces full of old “tat” jewellery ( beads, brooches etc) and a few fresh flowers scattered between . Likewise all odd China cups and saucers . It looked beautiful and cosy almost nothing .

People used to be offended if left off the guest list. It was a matter of-well we asked X,y and z to ours you'd think they would have asked us". For many years now, if I don't get an invitation I think Phew!

Enjoy Marydoll, it’s a lovely experience.

These big flashy weddings are a complete waste of money and in my opinion completely chavy and common. My son got married three years ago. It was a white church wedding but they did everything themselves even the flowers and bridal bouquets. We all made the food for the reception and my daughter in law chose a simple but stunning dress at a fraction of the usual bridal dress. Everything was wonderful, classy and joyful. The church warden approached them after and told them it was the loveliest wedding he'd seen for many years. The cost was a fraction of these flashy ones which seem to be the norm.

Maddyone, II was in the same circumstances as you, I made all my bridesmaids' dresses and I had never sewn in my life, except the traditional lap bag made at school ( and the nuns made me unpick it, it was so bad).
My daughter is getting married in 2020 and I will have great pleasure paying for the dresses.

3 Marriages so 3 different Wedding Days, 1st Wedding , simple white dress made by local lady, beautiful bouquet, held in a Catholic Church as H was Catholic. Reception & Evening Party at Local Pub (everyone had their wedding reception there who lived in the Village), lasted less than 1 year

2nd Wedding, Registry Office followed by Church Blessing, small lunch at home & meal in the evening at local Hotel where we stayed for the night whilst my Parents had DD (she was 4, I had been unable to marry her F before then) , we had lived together for over 8 years, Marriage lasted 15 months

3rd Wedding to my DH was at a Registry Office followed by huge Party in our garden, lots of friends & family (we only had family & close friends at Registry Office), photos done by family friend, lots of informal shots, fantastic day, sun shone all afternoon. Best of all we were married for almost 21 years before I was widowed.

Last Wedding I went to was DD's Civil Partnership, beautiful Registry Office, pub for food all provided by DD & myself, when same sex couples could go through Marriage Ceremony a friend & I went with them although not into the room, friend took some photos & then off to Lunch with some more friends, I was only family member there

I agree there seems to be so much focus on "extravagence" than when many of us married 30/40 years ago. My neighbour's D married last after living with her OH for 18 years, 2 teenage children, massive wedding dress, expensive venue & requested money to help pay for wedding instead of presents

Could it be about marketing like all new fashions are?

Incidentally, I bought patterns and fabrics and had my dress and bridesmaids dresses made, and so I decided that I would buy the wedding dress for my only daughter. I really enjoyed going with her to choose, and for fittings, and finally to collect the dress. Also I enjoyed going with her and the bridesmaids to choose their dresses, which again I paid for. I feel a bit guilty for denying my mother that lovely experience, but money was tight and so I had to have them made.

Our wedding in 1973 was rather formal and stiff. My daughter's recent wedding was fifties style. We used our family tea sets for the table settings. It was much more relaxed than ours had been. The children were running around having fun. Yes there was a candy cart, but my daughter bought all the sweets wholesale and did it herself.

Marydoll, I think you’re describing my wedding which was 43 years ago. My parents selected the venue, the food, and told me who was going to attend. I was in attendance when we looked at venues, and in fairness, my opinions were listened to, but my mother decided which venues we would look at. I had no say in the food, cake, or photographer, who incidentally my husband paid for, and who took the worst set of wedding photos I’ve ever seen! My husband and I chose our own cars and flowers as we were paying for them. Our wedding presents were things like an ironing board, pillows, pans, etc. It’s very different today, but I do enjoy the various weddings I have attended in recent years, they have all been lovely, and I think it’s nice that the young couple have rather more say in what they want. In the 70s if the bride’s parents were paying, then they assumed they could do things their way. Nowadays, although many parents pay, they give the young couple the choice of what they would like. I think that’s nice.

So expensive for friends.

I dread being asked to a modern wedding because of all the frills and furbelows. My granddaughter got married a couple of years ago a very modern girl and to our great pleasure as she wanted a very very nice venue it was expensive so she had a very small guest list of close friends and family, was married in the hotel and then we had a beautiful sit down late lunch everyone round a large circular table so we could all chat. In there evening she had all her friends for a disco. Her brother got married the year before on beach in Florida and just had a party when they got home. Neither of them asked for presents or had a list so we gave them some money which they were very pleased about. 1st Baby expected in May.

I don’t blame young people for wanting “their special day” ( shame if they have to go into debt for it though) my first wedding was really just like any other day, nothing special at all just a rushed, get it out if the way affair .

When you see the celebs and the royals spending £100’s of thousands ( millions even) on their special days we should hardly begrudge a relatively meagre £10k

Yes, it will be social media pushing these ideas and everyone must have everything these days. Funny thing is that most will be divorced in about five years and then the whole process starts again. I even thought of starting a wedding business at the time of my Daughter’s wedding as there’s so many things that can be used at a wedding. Luckily my daughter had a fairly simple wedding, however, it still cost over £10k

I sometimes think more thought and planning is put into the wedding day (and hen do's) than the whole marriage.

When we were married 43 years ago, we had just moved into our first home. We invited 8 people to the local Registrar's Office (including both sets of parents). They came to our home afterwards for a buffet which we had made ourselves. We were married on a Tuesday, and on the Saturday held an Open House party for friends and family who were able to come. I made my own dress and carried a small posy of artificial flowers. We are still happily living in that same home.
Our daughter was married 10 years ago - she had similar ideas, but had a small reception for about 30 people in a local hotel. We bought her dress, and I made all the invitations, table decorations, flowers (again artificial) etc. I think the MIL was a bit put out by how small an affair it was, but that was what they wanted it to be. They are still together.
My husband's ex-boss had a daughter who was married in a lavish ceremony costing them £16,000. Within 6 months the marriage was over! So a lavish wedding (no doubt inspired by all those celebrities who go OTT) is no guarantee of a happy life together!

I was asked to read Tarot cards at a friend's wedding. They are more like garden fetes now!!!

I miss the 'olden days' when the people down the street made sausage rolls and sandwiches to help out, and the lid of the twin tub made a huge tray for it all, the scout hut or similar was the venue. All my family were musicians and singers, wedding singers and planners were unheard of back then.

People made their own wedding dresses and buttonholes.....it was part of the coming together of families.

A wedding is a couple of hours. A marriage is for life (hopefully). Trends come and go, every generation is different.