Weddings not like they used to be?

I think you are right. I don't think there was any such thing as a bridezilla in our day. Not that they are all like that now but the expectations of the day do generally seem far greater

I had a hen night, not a weekend or week away in a sunny climate. I don't see the point of photo booths when everyone has their smartphone. Then there are the sweet stalls and so on. DiL wanted a sweet table and I made things to go on it but hardly any of it was eaten. I think a nice cake is OK as it is always on the official photos.

IMO a traditional type of wedding is best and then the photos will never date.

They can have food things like a burger van or hog roast etc - DGD was telling me as she is getting married next year.

candy carts,ice cream van,candy floss stand, doughnut wall,casino tables ,infatable bouncy castle ,childrens activity centre with staff,photo booth ,wedding cake AND grooms cake band for reception and jazz band for later in the evening,fireworks a full pipe band march past after dinner ,close magicians to work the tables ,storytellers to entertain guests while the photos are being taken ,harpists and string quartets ..the list is endless and expensive..it used to be about two families getting together to celebrate their young people starting on a marriage .Sadly its all about the biggest the most expensive day they can manage ..and it must be different from all their family or friends weddings ...nothing can be the same .How do I know this?We've been in the wedding industry since the early 70's its unrecognisable from what it was ,and the brides in the main aren't happier ,just more stressed .

Mother of the bride AND groom expected to wear the same outfit is the latest one posted about on here.

DH and I were at a wedding yesterday and were actually talking about the very same thing. Times have changed and there is so much pressure on young people (only my opinion) to have a perfect wedding.
The bride had hardly left the church when the photos were all over Facebook.
The first thing I noticed was that a large proportion of guests were friends of the bride and groom and only a few were relatives or friends of the parents. This is how they wanted it. It was lovely to see these young people having such a great time. Their energy was boundless and the couple had all the people they cared about around them, not some old fogies they had never seen in their life.
My friend and I were reminiscing about our own weddings and laughing at how we had become the old aunties in the corner. (However, I think we were more glamorous ).
When we got married 40 years ago, we had to ask all the great aunties (there were no great uncles), aunts, uncles, distant relations whom we had never met, etc, leaving no room for our friends. We were under great pressure from our parents, not to upset anyone. and only had a few friends at night due to the expense. Nowadays most youngsters have who they want at their wedding.
Yesterday's wedding was in the middle of nowhere in a very expensive venue. The fact that it was so remote meant that coaches had to be hired to take guests from the church an hour away to the castle, which added to the coast. It also made it difficult for guests who were driving in the snow on country lanes in the dark. The buses got stuck and blocked the road.
The bride and groom asked for money, instead of presents, as they had everything they needed. We would never have dared ask for money, as it was thought to be rude.
Most presents we received were items like an ironing board, iron, pillowcases etc. My nephew was married a few weeks ago and had a John Lewis gift list. I was gobsmacked when I read it. One of the items was a £350 barbecue.
What I would say was excellent about the wedding is that there was planner who had coordinated the whole event, taking the pressure off the young couple. My planner was my mother telling me it was her way or no way.
I wonder if today, young people get so carried away with the show that they forget significance of the day.
I think I have turned into an old fogie.

When OH and I tied the knot, nearly 45 years ago, we went to the register office with around a dozen dear friends. It was a warm and sunny day so we adjourned to the local park where my BiL - a talented photographer - took lots of pictures. After that, we all went to the pub for beer and sandwiches and it was a lovely day. The whole event probably cost about £50 and everyone enjoyed it, especially the bride and groom.
So many of our friends had big, choreographed weddings at huge cost and so many of them were too stressed to enjoy it. It's sad. What's also sad is how many of them are now divorced. Having a massive theatrical event doesn't seem to guarantee happiness.

We had to wait until I was 21 because my father wouldn't give permission. Then I hurt my back so when I was back at work we just got on with it and arranged it all quickly before the end of the tax year. Everyone was sure I was pregnant, I wasn't.

paddyann that is fascinating. You must have seen many changes. I do think there is a line between making sure that guests and the couple have a wonderful day and going completely over the top. People may remember a lovely meal or a great disco where they were having fun but I can't believe that in years to come they will be saying how wonderful someone's wedding was because of the photo booth or the magician. These things are not cheap and in many cases the money can be far better used for their life afterwards. With the divorce rate at one in two or something like that it seems silly to bankrupt yourself for just one day although obviously couples don't think of it in that way at the time!

But why should weddings (or anything else) be the same now as perhaps 50 years ago? My wedding was not like my granny’s, my mother’s or my daughter’s.

It seems there are such great expectations of everyone involved in today's weddings. Guests to spend a lot on gifts, travel long distances etc. Hen and stag parties which last over long weekends. That is before we start on the bride and groom.
One of the nicest weddings I have ever been to was held in a village church, the bride walked to the church from home and the reception was held in her parents garden.

marydoll I couldn’t agree more with your point about seeing all the young people at weddings now. I think it’s wonderful that young couples now don’t feel the need to invite virtual strangers just to appease people (when I married there were people present that I barely knew, but was obliged to invite as they were friends of my parents etc).
I too also questioned the point of having a photobooth at weddings, until I attended a ‘do’ with one last year. A great time was had by all.

My daughter’s second marriage was a delightfully different occasion. They had a midweek register office ceremony with just the most immediate family, followed by a simple meal in the garden of their local pub/ restaurant. All lovely.

Then at the weekend, a party starting mid afternoon for friends and families, in a field, with some outdoor games, and food all brought by family and closest friends, decorated by a friend, brother was DJ for the evening and there was a pizza van towards the end.
Cost a fraction of a posh hotel do, was totally informal and everyone had a contribution to make. I loved it and so did everyone else.
I can’t abide all these new expensive unimportant extras eg chocolate fountain, favours for guests, free cameras on the table......and hen/ stag do abroad costing the Earth. Totally unnecessary.
I guess the cost is the main factor that puts people off getting married. They get together, buy a house and have children and cannot afford the extravagant party which is the wedding, when a simple ceremony will do.

My DS lives and married in Australia. We travelled (DH DD and family) to join them but there was not one photo of the wedding party or family. Just DS, DIL and bridesmaids and groomsmen. We were so upset and disappointed that we had nothing to show for the day.

I have known a couple of marriages that were over before the bride's father had finished paying fot the wedding day.

The best/worst I ever heard was of a marriage that didn’t make the end of the reception.
A big travellers’ wedding erupted into fisticuffs almost as soon as they got there from the church and deteriorated into a pitched battle between the families!

I too work in the wedding industry and see every type of wedding from the quickie in the Register Office with just their children attending to the huge event at a stately home with all the trimmings and a few and do you know what, they are all happy and all enjoy their day. You cut your cloth according to your pocket, my own son and his wife took a second mortgage out to pay for their wedding and son number two is now planning his big day, he's far more involved than the bride is at the moment!

I have never heard anyone say, well that was a bit disappointing, I wish we had spent more.

My friend got married a last summer, and it was lovely because it was so casual.
She wore jeans and a t shirt, then we all went to a carvery, where we paid for ourselves.
It took away all the angst about shoes, dresses, and all that stuff.

My DS2 got married in a registry office last summer. No rings, no witnesses, no flowers, and even the handful of family that turned up was too much for them. The bride's father paid for a very nice meal in a restaurant in the evening.

They are, however, having a huge party in May for all their friends. They have booked a place out in the wilds for a weekend. People will be paying for their own accommodation and bringing food.

The main thing is that everyone gets together and does what they enjoy. There will be lots of sports activities and, looking at the guests who have put their names down so far, there will definitely be an impromptu choir and lots of music-making round camp fires.

It can work the other way too . My first wedding ( forced) was a (phoned on the morning) taxi to the register office , a quick ceremony (6 relations there) a bus back to the local pub where the six of us had a pub meal and then home to my old bedroom at mum and dads house. It lasted about 2 months .

When I married for the second time we chose a registry office some two hours away as we didn't want a fuss. Our parents, his mother and my two children. Friends and family could come if they really wanted to, but weren't expected to do the journey. In the end the registrar said she had never had so many people in her room! We all went for a meal afterwards then people went off shopping etc. Everyone enjoyed the day. When my girls married we gave them each a deposit on their houses but said their weddings were up to them. They had lovely low cost days and we were happy that they both were able to buy a house. (we are not well off and the deposits were not enormous but made the houses possible for them) We do not attend weddings anymore, even nieces nephews, we don't enjoy going and people know not to invite us.

Generally the bigger the wedding, the shorter the marriage. I do not think that all, or even most, brides have these huge weddings, It is just those that do make a disproportionate amount of noise about them and so do the media and the wedding venues.

In August I am going to the wedding of the daughter of a friend, It is going to be a church wedding, with a reception in the adjoining hall and no more.

The hen/stag parties was usually a p. ss up the night before . Not themed and often abroad as they are now. You went to the wedding service, followed by the reception and then the bride and groom left for their honeymoon. The car that took them to the train station, airport or their own car decorated with tin cans and a sign reading Just Married. The guests either went home or to the local pub. That was expensive enough.
No one seems to enclose a wedding gift list with the invitation now. Often an additional note is popped in asking for vouchers, cash towards their honeymoon etc. The wedding is often held in a 'venue' , I haven't been to a church wedding for over 20 years . The wedding seems to go on forever. I went to one that had a cocktail party for the guests first, followed by the service, followed by a champagne toast in a lovely courtyard then the reception . I was pretty plastered by the time we staggered home and worn out we had been on the go since midday .