Do Grandchildren make us stay?

When I met DH my DD was nearly 9 & I moved 250 miles away from my DM & Step-F. DD went for school holidays & they came to stay with us.

We downsized in 2011 & moved to Somerset, half way between my DD & my Step-D. DM was widowed by then & DD had moved to Devon. When DGS1 was born we were still 70 miles from DD so were not immediately on hand for childcare.

After DH died 5 years ago I had decided to move closer to DD & in 2015 I made the move to Devon, about 10 miles from DD. When DGS2 was born I was able to help out. I don't see DGSs often as DGS1 is now 8 & with school, after school activities & swimming lessons we fit around by agreement. I am very happy with my move, I'm here in emergencies & as I get older DD will be nearer to help me out.

DM is now 89 & it's a 300 mile (each way) journey, whilst I can still drive & cope with the journey I go up twice a year, DD & her OH try & visit once a year, DM is still in her own home & manages with a little help (not carers).

My PiL downsized and came to live near us without much discussion beforehand. Our AC have all married and live miles from us and from eachother. When we married I moved 500mls from my family home. Would I like to downsize and move away and live nearer some of our gc? I'd love to but DH really would not and we both feel a responsibility towards his Ps. Also would our DAC really want us near them cramping their style. How could they then move away?

Like a previous poster said, we'll just have to save up for holidays in a cottage by the sea.

Oh Legs55. .. I was thinking over some of these posts later today whilst in the shower & your comment about seeing your 89y old mum ‘twice a year’ made me feel really sad for her. It stuck in my mind. I note you say she copes well. Still. I do hope she has other family nearby?

Oh Debsroly I feel for you! Wouldn’t it be brilliant to get a nice big family house with extra bathrooms & a huge sitting room, like a commune, where the extended family could live, close by to the younger members!

We know many grandparents who live in the UK, like their adult children and grandchildren - and see them a lot less than we do ours.

Stragely enough, if you do live abroad- everyone makes a lot more effort to organise and get together, somehow - as you are more 'aware' of the distance and how important it is.

jura2 i think you make an excellent point about making more effort the further away. My son lives in the same town, 4 miles away and I’ve seen him once since Christmas, hear from him via text very few weeks, but usually only a very brief reply to what I’ve sent him. Fortunately my dil is very good about keeping in touch, we text most days and she sends lots of pics of dgs. She’s also the one who arranges my visits to dgs, thanks to her I see him at least once most weeks.

I moved from the South East to the North West to help look after my DGS from 1 week before his birth although DD did not go back to work until he was 4 months old. We are building a granny annexe in their garden so I hope they never move as DD and I have spent our life savings on it. They were thinking long term as SIL insisted it had an extra downstairs bathroom as well as a second bedroom for a carer in my dotage ?
But for now even the builder calls that bedroom 'the baby's room' so hopefully that dotage is in the very distant future ?
It's not the retirement I imagined, I'll say that much ?

Thanks for your advice, gmelon, realistically I don't think there is much chance of us moving any time soon and although the house is really too big for us it does hold lots of memories. I would like a bungalow but, as my OH rightly points out, the stairs help to keep us fit!

hillyann

We stay because we like our home, area, friends, and children. Everything I want to have is here.

I did. My dd and gc lived with me, I got a new job offer and left them in a market town where they were settled.

Sadly, after moving to literally the middle of nowhere (a mining village in Derbyshire where the mine had closed) my new employer had some competition open in the area and “let me go” so I was up that famous creek with no paddle, but that’s a whole other story.

My dd managed very well without me and in fact went in to have twins and still kept her career on track.