Do Grandchildren make us stay?

I used to live a two hour journey from family. Since we retired we have moved within a few minutes drive, so we see them more often but for shorter times. I am happy to help out but we also have our own lives so I don’t have any regular commitments to them. Today I spent time with one GC and am now off to spend time with another as they are off school. I don’t actually see them as often as I would like to, but it is just how busy everyone is,
When we lived at a distance, they came to stay, and I loved having them for several days at a time in the summer holidays. So it is swings and roundabouts.
Essentially I think you have to live your life and do the best you can all round.

I wouldn’t move and be away from my grandchildren and indeed my children. If they moved away from me though .... I wouldn’t follow. They stay because they want to...and I’m very cheap childcare!

There are a thousand perspectives on this question. I think it comes down to what gives you joy and we all have a different answer. We only have one life, if we are lucky enough to have choices go for joy.

Gmelon.
GC grow very quickly. Before you know it they will be making their own lives so where does that leave you. ?
Relocate and enjoy.

We moved closer to our two DDs and 5 GC but fortunately rented a property for a few months to see how we liked the area, being so close to family and away from our own friends and interests. For a whole list of reasons we decided that it wasn't the right decision so we returned to a pleasanter part of the area we had previously lived in, just over an hours drive from the families so we can still easily keep in contact. Renting and trying it out was such a good idea and helped us make the right decision.

We moved last year to be nearer to our daughter and her family and it has proved to be an excellent decision. We now live near to the sea, we have gone out of our way to join new things and meet new people as we didn’t want to be dependent on our daughter for company. As our other grandchildren live in the USA and we see them rarely, we were feeling increasingly isolated and wanted to make the move whilst we still had the energy and desire to find a new life.

We are in the opposite situation - our granddaughters lived 5 mins away until they were 10 and 6 when their parents moved two hours away ten years ago due to our son's work. Our other son emigrated to NZ when they were expecting their first baby 5 years ago so we've never had them nearby. We are completely alone here and have considered moving nearer son 1 but our eldest granddaughter is now 20 and living with her partner and the other is 17 this year so we wouldn't be part of their lives now. We briefly considered emigrating but are too old for such a huge life change and they have their lives to lead so we wouldn't want to be a burden on either of them.

As others have said there’s no ‘one size fits all’. Wishing you all a Happy Easter ? whatever your lifestyle choices.

We moved north to be near our DDs and GC. Fortunately, they both moved to the same town. My DH had to move his business as well. We’re really happy where we are now. Lovely part of the country.

I would never move away from my dgs. He is now 10 months old and the absolute light of my life. I visit once a week at the moment, but have desperately been hoping to take over childcare when dil finally goes back to work. However I found out recently through chatting to a friend of ds that he is seriously considering a work transfer, the only reason he hasn’t so far is that dil doesn’t want to be away from family. So my advice to anybody would be to think very carefully before making any major decisions. Our dgc’s parents could decide to move at anytime, then where would you be?

Im finding it really interesting, hearing about your experiences.
I think it's the risk factor of settling near children and grandchildren and then they move away. As has been mentioned in the thread, the grandchildren grow up.

Then we'll all be Great grandparents! Not too soon hopefully.
My grandmother brought me up and was a terrific "Grand nan" to my boys. Sadly, my own mother (my boys grandmother) was not cut out for family life. Great grandparenting was my grandmothers joy in life.

I'm feeling less of a grandma and more of a substitute mother/co parent at the moment.

Due to my 33yr old son moving out of his own home and the acrimonious split from his wife. He has 50/50 custody of his under 10yr old and is now at his wife's mercy as to seeing his under 3yr old.

Grandparenting has certainly changed since I was a child.

My circumstances have meant that I've stayed put, and will do now forever, probably.
I would have loved to live somewhere different.

At the moment, we would never consider moving away from our three grandchildren. One is in his 20's and we see very little of him, but the other two are still quite young and we look after them 2 or 3 times a week. Added to that, I need to be near enough to my Mum to do a day visit once a week.

Although I can think of more scenic places to live and would probably, in different circumstances, move back to Sussex, my husband and I really enjoy our grandchildren's company, and, apart from missing them very much, our help with child care is important to my son and his partner.

I suppose at some point we will see much less of them but probably by that time we will be significantly older and will be wary of moving to a completely different area - where public transport and other amenities are thinner on the ground - however tempting it might be.

I sometimes think a compromise might be to get a static caravan but I've heard that site fees can be expensive and there is little, if any, regulation of fee increases.

We moved to France when eldest GC was three. Our son and his family live in another European country.
I think the point is that there are as many different ways of being a grandparent as there are families. You can stay/move near your grandchildren and provide hands-on care. You can have your children move abroad and have to find a different way of doing things. You can move away yourself for all sorts of reasons.
None of us love our families more or less for making those decisions. We have to find a way to be loving and supportive grandparents in different situations. There are no right answers here.

We moved country and it's the worst thing we ever did. I hardly know my oldest four granchildren and I have to travel from the northern end of Spain to the southern end, to see my youngest one. I can visit him more easily, if I was flying from Newcastle airport (thirty minutes from where we lived) than from our local one here (two and a quarter hours away).

We moved abroad 10 years ago but half my large brood of grandchildren were late teens and 20s so were more interested in their own lives than what Nana was doing. It was my lovely mother I couldn't have left and she came with us and lived for another 7 years.

Seems like we are in the minority Mamie & Daisyboots
The decision was the right one for me but other posters clearly have other priorities, should I feel guilty ?

gmelon: We moved away from our children and grandchildren 5 years ago. Son 1 married (no children when we moved) lived about 20 miles from us, they now have 2 daughters. Son 2 (single) moved with us. Son 3 married with 3 daughters lived right next door to us. It was sometimes a little too close for comfort, as if our house and our lives were just an extension of theirs, and I think it influenced our decision to move. We had always planned to leave London when DH retired, so now we live 100 miles away across water. Son 2 now has a partner, a stepson and a baby due in Autumn, we see very little of them even though they're only 10 miles away. Our sons and grandchildren visit several times a year and we keep in touch via phone, text and email. We have very close relationships with all our grandchildren and thoroughly enjoy their visits, knowing that we can have our home and privacy back after a few days or weeks. Occasionally I wonder if we should have stayed a bit nearer to them if only to make the travelling easier, but we are settled where we are and have no desire to move again. Son 3 is now talking about emigrating, and if they do go I very much doubt they would be able to afford return visits, and DH and I have no desire to make long haul flights around the world, so we would probably never see them again except via the internet. But we'll cross that bridge if/when we come to it.

We have lived in the same house all our married life but our DDs married and moved away with their careers. However since the GC arrived they both moved back to live 5mins away (one walking, the other in the car) so that we can regularly help out with childcare. At some point I would like to downsize (DH says no) but I don't feel we could move far now as I would miss the GC so much and it would leave my DDs in the lurch!

I live with my husband in the midlands. My daughter has relocated to North Yorkshire and has had a baby daughter who is now 5 months old. Her husband has a son from a previous marriage who he sees every week. We try and visit every month or so, and she has visited us whilst she has been on maternity leave. Shes going back to work soon and has a nursery place booked. She keeps asking us to move up by her. My son lives in Nottingham with his girlfriend and we keep in touch every couple of months.
My dilemma is that my elderly parents live in North Devon, my husband wants to live in Dorset as he is not keen on North Yorkshire, my daughter wants us to live by her and we want to move to downsize next year.
Where do we go? I keep going round in circles thinking about it!

debsroly you and I both. I'm with you in the head spinning department.
It takes over my life.
The only decision I've made is not to make a decision yet.
Because it's driving me nuts.

HillyN So many memories in your home. You may miss your house desperately and once you've sold it's too late. Be very, very, sure.

Your daughters have moved nearby, your husband wants to remain at this house.
You sound ideally placed at the moment.

Is it ideal for you though?

These decisions can be so difficult.
What we need is "crystal ball gransnetter".

This works for us too we had to move around a lot for work when our children were growing up so they never had grandparents living close. and a consequence of us moving over the later years meant that we all ended up living in different parts of the country. we have our GC during holidays and go to them for long weekends and whenever needed, plus they all enjoy coming to stay and have a little holiday of their own as we now live in the country, I am not there for school runs etc or everyday care but I still feel very much a part of my GC life as a grandparent not a full time carer.

I could re-write Mamie's post word for word.

When we were looking for a small place to rent here, to be able to spend more time with my very elderly parents- we 'fell upon' this great big old farmhouse/Vicarage for sale. It was very close to my parents' and I'd admired this house and its position for a long time. We never ever had considered moving here, despite me being born and bred down the valley. All our life was in the UK.

After we were offered a look around, and having fallen in love with it and been told it would be put on the market the next day ... we put a hold on it and went to discuss it with our DDs- and ask them what they thought. YES, YES, YES they said, go for it- and we will be there all the time- so we did. We were also VERY lucky to be able to buy a small flat in the UK- so we would always have the option to visit often and even go back, if ... But things are not so simple- my parents, in their mid 90s- died- mum in fact just before we moved, and dad, 3 months later.

Then our DDs careers took off exponentially - and although they come a couple of times a year- it is not the 'all the time' we had all expected. Then grandson developed a VERY severe allergy to egg and any traces of egg. It was thought he would outgrow it by age 7-8- but he has not. And SIL is massively anxious about letting him and his younger sister come to stay alone- as was planned beforehand- that they would come and spend many weeks during school holidays. We totally understand that, of course- and hope and hope that now he is older, and we have shown that we really make a massive effort to avoid all possible contamination- things will change.

If it does not, then we will probably go back to UK - so we could be near and they could come and stay with SIL being so anxious. But it would be a massive wrench to leave this house and the area- but GCs come first. Brexit has left us in total limbo - because DD and family are very likely to leave the UK and come and start new wings of their business here- they are very lucky to have dual nationality and to speak excellent French. Would be totally heart breaking to move back to be able to be with GCs more, for them to move over here afterwards !?!?!