Strange way to look at commitment....

Henbane what is the difference between heterosexual civil partnerships and civil weddings done by a registrar which have been around forever?

My friend’s daughter was married last year, and the priest told her that there were only three weddings that year in the whole parish, and that people had told him ( when they were arranging their children’s baptisms) that they couldn’t afford the £10-15 thousand pounds it would cost!

Gill, partly superstitious (I tell my partner that).

But I have never liked the patriarchal overtones of marriage and am frankly worried that if we married his attitude to our relationship might change (I don't tell him that because he is convinced it wouldn't and would think I didn't trust him).

I would like to have some sort of legal commitment for financial reasons - my health is not as good as his and my pension is our biggest source of income - I would like him to get the dependent's pension if I die first. As the rules are, he qualifies for it as we own property jointly, have joint current account for bills etc, but the only way to guarantee he gets it is to marry or be civil partnered. If I became terminally ill we would get married!

I am glad to have been married to a good man for a very long time. We started going out together when I was fourteen and he was eighteen and were married six years later. We never lived together before we were married. Such a thing was unheard of in the respectable suburbs of Glasgow in the 1960s.

We are now living in different times and I agree with the poster who said that the biggest commitment is having children.

Many young people seem to prioritise a fancy expensive wedding, but then split up at the first sign of trouble.

Others prioritise buying a house, having children and giving them the best start in life. I know some who have been together twenty years or more, totally committed to each other and their children who think that a wedding is nothing but an excuse for a very expensive party and they have better things to spend their money on. Times have changed.

This year DH & I will celebrate out 35th wedding anniversary. Our wedding cost £40, I wore a borrowed dress & DH wore his one and only suit. Prior to meeting DH I lived with someone for eight years. (We parted amicably.) I knew at once that my relationship with DH was different and for life - we married a year after we met. To paraphrase Beyonce - "I liked him, so I put a ring on him....!" We're still very happy.

Henbane, I understand (I think!) your points, but wouldn't a quiet wedding in a venue licensed to perform weddings do the same thing? My DH's friend got married in a lovely country hotel, just two friends as witnesses, then into the restaurant for lunch. All sorted, minimal expense and nothing patriarchal about it!

I just looked up the difference between a marriage and civil partnership and in legal terms, it seems there's minimal difference. The only notable one seems to be that in a civil partnership you can't use adultery as grounds for a divorce.

If memory serves, the piece on Jeremy Vine Radio 2 on Friday referred to here was about some disastrous wedding photos. Many were out of focus and there was one of a fire extinguisher. It was these factors that led to the wedding being re-staged to get some decent photos.

It isn't the staging of the wedding I object to - both mine were quiet affairs at a registry office anyway - it's the potential change in the dynamics of the relationship - if that makes sense!

Payriarchal overtones? I dont understand ! In a civil wedding you can choose your own wording up to a point -there are very few legally required words and they are not patriarchal. In my view marriage is for mutual support!

When I was contemplating marriage 1970 my parents thought it would provide me with some security especially if we were lucky enough to have children. The social climate is so different now. Most women work outside the home when they have children and are not so dependent on men. In fact a friend of mine whose son’s partner had a baby was concerned that the mother might give her son his marching orders and they would lose contact with the child, as she was a very independent older girl. Fortunately this did not happen and they went on to marry. My husband and I have been married for 48 years, but I think we were committed with or without a ceremony.

I don't object to the ceremony - a register office wedding is really no different to a civil partnership ceremony anyway - but I do not want to have anything to do with the relationship of marriage again,.

You’ve lost me henbane. I can’t help thinking that a civil partnership is not much different to a marriage.