Strange way to look at commitment....

You’ve lost me henbane. I can’t help thinking that a civil partnership is not much different to a marriage.

I don't object to the ceremony - a register office wedding is really no different to a civil partnership ceremony anyway - but I do not want to have anything to do with the relationship of marriage again,.

When I was contemplating marriage 1970 my parents thought it would provide me with some security especially if we were lucky enough to have children. The social climate is so different now. Most women work outside the home when they have children and are not so dependent on men. In fact a friend of mine whose son’s partner had a baby was concerned that the mother might give her son his marching orders and they would lose contact with the child, as she was a very independent older girl. Fortunately this did not happen and they went on to marry. My husband and I have been married for 48 years, but I think we were committed with or without a ceremony.

Payriarchal overtones? I dont understand ! In a civil wedding you can choose your own wording up to a point -there are very few legally required words and they are not patriarchal. In my view marriage is for mutual support!

It isn't the staging of the wedding I object to - both mine were quiet affairs at a registry office anyway - it's the potential change in the dynamics of the relationship - if that makes sense!

If memory serves, the piece on Jeremy Vine Radio 2 on Friday referred to here was about some disastrous wedding photos. Many were out of focus and there was one of a fire extinguisher. It was these factors that led to the wedding being re-staged to get some decent photos.

I just looked up the difference between a marriage and civil partnership and in legal terms, it seems there's minimal difference. The only notable one seems to be that in a civil partnership you can't use adultery as grounds for a divorce.

Henbane, I understand (I think!) your points, but wouldn't a quiet wedding in a venue licensed to perform weddings do the same thing? My DH's friend got married in a lovely country hotel, just two friends as witnesses, then into the restaurant for lunch. All sorted, minimal expense and nothing patriarchal about it!

This year DH & I will celebrate out 35th wedding anniversary. Our wedding cost £40, I wore a borrowed dress & DH wore his one and only suit. Prior to meeting DH I lived with someone for eight years. (We parted amicably.) I knew at once that my relationship with DH was different and for life - we married a year after we met. To paraphrase Beyonce - "I liked him, so I put a ring on him....!" We're still very happy.

I am glad to have been married to a good man for a very long time. We started going out together when I was fourteen and he was eighteen and were married six years later. We never lived together before we were married. Such a thing was unheard of in the respectable suburbs of Glasgow in the 1960s.

We are now living in different times and I agree with the poster who said that the biggest commitment is having children.

Many young people seem to prioritise a fancy expensive wedding, but then split up at the first sign of trouble.

Others prioritise buying a house, having children and giving them the best start in life. I know some who have been together twenty years or more, totally committed to each other and their children who think that a wedding is nothing but an excuse for a very expensive party and they have better things to spend their money on. Times have changed.

Gill, partly superstitious (I tell my partner that).

But I have never liked the patriarchal overtones of marriage and am frankly worried that if we married his attitude to our relationship might change (I don't tell him that because he is convinced it wouldn't and would think I didn't trust him).

I would like to have some sort of legal commitment for financial reasons - my health is not as good as his and my pension is our biggest source of income - I would like him to get the dependent's pension if I die first. As the rules are, he qualifies for it as we own property jointly, have joint current account for bills etc, but the only way to guarantee he gets it is to marry or be civil partnered. If I became terminally ill we would get married!

My friend’s daughter was married last year, and the priest told her that there were only three weddings that year in the whole parish, and that people had told him ( when they were arranging their children’s baptisms) that they couldn’t afford the £10-15 thousand pounds it would cost!

Henbane what is the difference between heterosexual civil partnerships and civil weddings done by a registrar which have been around forever?

As an issue separate from the moral question of marriage it is worth looking at the statistics. Children whose parents marry are half as likely again to stay together as those who don’t. Children of married parents enjoy better physical and mental health, attain more highly at school and are more likely to go on to tertiary education. They are better at finding and keeping jobs and are wealthier than children whose parents cohabit. They are also more likely to be from the middle and upper classes.

I've been divorced twice and don't want to marry again - I am hoping that the bill to allow heterosexual civil partnerships gets through eventually. It keeps getting put off with "we are looking into it"... why? - it would be such a simple change!

My one regret was my daughter telling me she was marrying.... I offered her money ( a lot) to stay single , she refused. Ten years later she's on her own with two kids. Well not her own...she's got me. And I'll never let her down.

Marriage!!!!! The bit of paper cost my then new husband 7/6p... ( 38 new pence). I believe he's had his money's worth over 45 years. There's nothing on that bit of paper that said EVERY job in the house : garden: the kids: should be done by me, but apparently it's unwritten rule. On our honeymoon my new hubby informed me that quote" I don't sweat... I don't lift... I don't get my hands dirty." And he never has!! Couple years ago I tore my marriage certificate in half and gave it to him along with his 7/6p (38new pence) back. He's still trying to figure it out!!! Idiot.

My wedding cost £160. We have been married 37 years and all of our children have married although most of the children of my friends have not. I think marriage underlines the commitment if you have a mortgage and assets together , never mind the most important thing of all, the children. When my son and daughter-in-law went to register their baby 's birth the Registrar said it was a refreshing change for both parents and new baby to have the same name.

I couldn't agree more. I was once told that marriage is a way of protecting women so why so many don't bother to marry is a mystery to me. When I was young and daft I thought that marriage was 'just a piece of paper' - it's much more than that, isn't it?

When I got married I bought my dress from my brother in laws sister for a £5. The wedding reception
Was in a room above a pub. And it was a buffet. We had a lovely day as it was about us and family and friends. We are still married after 43 yrs. But nowadays it seems to take years of planning and vast expense and some are still paying it off years later. which I think the money could go to better use.

I was just listening to Jeremy Vine. A young woman was talking about how she had restaged their wedding because she wasn't satisfied with the photographs. It just seemed to sum up some people's attitude to weddings today: a consumer activity. The fact that the new photos weren't authentic mementos of the day didn't matter, appearances being much more important than factual representations of the real event.

I have often thought that some people want to be married. And others want to get married.

These days, marriage is certainly no guarantee of a couple staying together but it does give certain protections to the people involved.

I agree with those who feel the commercialisation of marriage has changed the focus from a sincerely meant commitment to love and care for a person to a commitment to spend inordinate amounts of money on hen/stag nights/weekends/weeks, weddings and honeymoons.

Marriage is not the only victim of this shift in focus, as everyone can testify. The approach of Easter, Christmas, Halloween, Firework Night, World Book Day, Christenings, School Proms, etc. etc. is now seized as a marketing opportunity.

More young people would be able to buy their own home, thus have long term security, if they were more sensible about the huge amount of money they spend on their wedding and the weddings of friends. Wedding dresses can cost thousands of pounds and some brides have another one to change into at the reception - my dress cost £10 from C and A. Then there are the Jimmy Choo wedding shoes which have the bride’s name and wedding date on them, goodness only knows how much they cost. Exotic honeymoons are expected, we had three days in London. Hen and Stag parties seem to last up to a week and are often abroad, neither of us had one. Then there are fancy cars or horse and carriage to take them to and from the church and reception. There is the reception and ‘evening do’ and probably a lot more expenditure which I have no idea or experience of. The most ridiculous thing I have heard of is a ‘second honeymoon’ 6 months after the wedding.

I’m not criticising people who have great wealth and can afford these huge extravagant weddings but I am critical of couples with a low to moderate income spending these huge amounts of money on a wedding when the total amount would be the deposit on their own home. This was our priority 53 years ago and thankfully our two sons and their wives have had modest weddings and bought their own homes soon after.

A young friend of mine has been with her ' partner' for 12 years. They havetwo children and are buying a large house. Both children have their father's name. She was sad and frustrated that whenever marriage was mentioned her partner distanced himself for a while. She said she wanted to have the same name as her children. Not a lot to ask for really.